Happy Holidays

So, it's been a busy time for the Plow. School, work, Nets games, Aimee Mann holiday shows, supporting friends in their creative ventures, etc. Much like my good friends at 3 6 Mafia said, "It's hard out there for a pimp." And for a Plow, truer words have never been spoken.

Movies reviews, Nets reports, and the Aimee Mann holiday show review will be posted this weekend.

Everyone out there, have a happy holiday season and be ready for whatever 2007 brings.
Mazel Tov!

NJ Nets Report...

11/28/06 Nets Vs. Bobcats
So, I went to my 1st game of the season. I was actually excited to see the Bobcats. They are a young team who has made some smart decisions on draft day. Hopefully, in a few years they will actually be contenders. Sean May, Raymond Felton, and Adam Morrison all delivered. I'm not completely sold on Emeka Okafor. He is fould prone and already moves like Patrick Ewing cira 1994. So, his knees may be a problem. However, they played well together and beat the Nets. The Nets played spotty, made poor shot selection, and basically played like a team that had no chemistry. I'm a little worried for their chances.

12/5/06 Nets Vs. Mavericks
I was obviously worried for good reason. The fact that they were only down by 15 and I was surprised tells you how bad the Nets stunk up the place. They again, made horrible shot selection. Why do you have both of your seven-footers shooting 15-30 foot jumpers? Penetration should be what the Nets do. But, there were 2 bright spots. Make that three bright spots. Both UConn rookies Marcus Williams and Eddie House play like they want to win and bring real energy. However, they make a lot of rookie mistakes. My new favorite heart player is Mikki Moore. He is an 8 year vet who plays with heart and energy. He reminds me of long forgotten Rodney Buford who was a Net 2 years ago. I love when someone plays like they love the game and want to be there.
The highlight of the game was seeing Mark Cuban and letting him know that sticking it to the commish is his life's duty. I wish I had gotten a picture.

The Stories of My Life: 8th Grade Edition

During my holiday trip home, I got to see two of my closest and oldest friends. During the visit, I started thinking about all the ridiculous stories of my life and how they could entertain my readers. So, I thought today I would start from a gem from 8th grade.

In 8th grade I was a huge, snotty pain in the ass. This is no surprise to anyone who has ever met an 8th grader. They are miserable people with body issues, hormones, self-esteem drama, the whole package. But, I was all those things and a smart aleck with a pathological need to be right. Some would say I still have that need. But, that's for another day, stories of my life 30 year old edition.

In 8th grade one day, someone opened our English teacher's windows to cool the room off. Our teacher liked to keep the room at a toasty 98 degrees. So our class period was broken in half with lunch in the middle. During this time someone snuck in the room and opened the windows. When we got back the room was chilly, our teacher's mood was chillier.

She was furious. She wanted to know who did it. She began asking the entire class. I sat in the last seat in the room. I was close to the door. When you get sent out a lot, that makes it much easier to be banished. By the time the teacher got to me everyone had denied it. We were all close to facing detention. Some of my more gentle friends (i.e. Eroica) were not cut out for detention. I knew this. I also knew that detention was not a big deal and I could and had done it with both hands tied behind my back.

So, it got to me. No one was brave enough to admit guilt. I said I did it.

A transcript of the conversation as follows.
Teacher: Did you open the windows?
Me: If I say yes, does that get everyone else off the hook?
Teacher: Yes.
Me: And, I only get one day of detention?
Teacher: Yes.
Me: Then I did it.

At this point, I was asked to leave the room. I took my copy of Sassy and headed out into the hall. I didn't hear what happened after I left.

Eroica paraphrased the event for me:
"So, um, she said, you know, that she knew you didn't do it. She said she was, you know, like, ashamed of us. She said you were brave and a better person than the rest of us. Um...yeah."

So, I never served that detention. But, I had to write 100 sentences about not lying. No one ended up punished and my reputation was enhanced. So, basically, it was a win/win situation.

A Moment of Sielnce...

My favorite director, Robert Altman died today at 81. Watch one of his movies. He will be missed.
His movies were messy, indulgent, and many times amazing. He created his own adjective. Critcs use the term Altman-esque for any movie about losers or dreamers or any movie with a big cast.
No more from me as I am heading out for Thanksgiving. I just felt this needed to be posted.

LOS ANGELES -
SEARCHNews News Photos Images Web'
Robert Altman, the caustic and irreverent satirist behind "MASH," "Nashville" and "The Player" who made a career out of bucking Hollywood management and story conventions, died at a Los Angeles Hospital, his Sandcastle 5 Productions Company said Tuesday. He was 81.
The director died Monday night, Joshua Astrachan, a producer at Altman's Sandcastle 5 Productions in New York City, told The Associated Press.
The cause of death wasn't disclosed. A news release was expected later in the day, Astrachan said.

Amy's Movie Review A Palooza

Hi everybody! (Hi, Dr. Nick)
So, it's time to get you Maltin on as I review some of the movies I've seen over the past month.

The Prestige (dir. Christopher Nolan)
What is the nature of magic? What is the truth behind any trick? Not to sound pretentious, but this is the overarching theme of this great movie. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman give great performances. The script is smarter than most audiences, but if you happen to enjoy magic (esp. the magic of Ricky Jay) then nothing in the movie is that big of a surprise. The movie follows the three parts of a magic trick in the narrative of the story. There are double and triple crosses. I personally was a huge fan of the dueling journals. The ending will divide people based on their like or dislike of characters. But, the movie is well made, well acted, and exceptionally smart for Hollywood. Check it out if it's still at your local theater.

The Last King of Scotland (dir. Kevin Macdonald)
Who likes an African dictator? I do! Idi Amin is probably one of the most notorious dictators in modern history. He killed almost 300,000 of his own people and was believed to have eaten many of them. This movie tells his and his country's story by using an Scotsman who becomes Amin's doctor. The movie does a very smart thing in that we only see Amin's true colors when he becomes disillusioned. We are side by side with the narrarator and we are duped as much as he is. Forest Whittaker is amazing as Amin and will surely get an Oscar nom. Be on the look out for an unrecognizable Gillian Anderson. She's the one who looks like if someone hit Virginia Madsen with a bus. Woof.


Little Children (dir. Todd Field)
An amazing movie that is paced deliberately (read: slow) with a story about suburban 30-somethings who are unsatisfied. Now on top of that throw in the story of a newly released flasher, and finally add the voice of a PBS narrarator. Sounds pretentious as hell, doesn't it? Well, it was. It was also an amazing film with some great acting. Look for Jackie Earle Haley of Bad News Bears and Breaking Away fame to get an Oscar nomination for his performance in this film as the flasher. He is dispicable and heartbreaking at the same time. this is not a movie for everyone, but if you want some good acting and a story that hits home, then check out this film.

Running with Scissors (dir. Ryan Murphy)
This review will be exceptionally short. If you like the book, this movie is a glossy version of what you read on the page. So, your enjoyment of the movie will be in proportion to your enjoyment of the movie. Done and done.

Borat (dir. Larry Charles)
Do you enjoy laughing at homohpobes, racists, foreigners, and other idiots? Do you like disturbing and disgusting male nudity? then, Borat is the movie for you. Sacha Baron Cohen creates a character that's on part Mahir and one part Moliere. He's a complete innocent with backwards ways and small-minded opinions. The way people try to help him or share their secret hateful thoughts with him can be a quesy experience. But, you will also laugh harder than you have at anything recently. There are several types of humor in the film and they all hit the mark. The mix of highbrow and lowbrow is not novel, but it's handled well. And, the fact that the film never lets up on the "joke" of the documentary aspect helps amazingly.

A Nation Exhales...

To the delight of many and the sadness of few, Britney Spears filed for divorce from K-Fed (aka Kevin Federline).

She cited “irreconcilable differences”. Those differences mainly were paycheck related.

Oh well, good luck inseminating someone as rich and famous as Britney Spears again.

Whetting Your Palate...

Just an FYI-

This Thursday night I will be posting reviews of the following movies:

• Little Children
• Borat
• The Prestige
• The Last King of Scotland
• Running With Scissors

I know you're excited.

A Short Hiatus...

This site will be back with more fun, more writing, and more awesomeness very soon.
I promise.

One Door Closes...

and another door opens.

So, I had my audition at the Strip last night. It went fine. I got laughs and I did a set that does me well at most places. But, it didn't serve me at the audition.

I didn't pass.

And, honestly, I felt like I wasn't going to when I started. Everything I personally think about my comedy, Starla verbalized. She said some of my humor was a little mean. That I got laughs but never a huge laugh. My humor is not "traditional" enough for the club.

She did say that she remembered me. That she liked that I took her advice about my mic usage. But, that maybe I wasn't a good fit for the Strip. C'est la vie!

But, while I was there. I did some amazing writing with Adrienne Iapalucci. We had an amazing session and came upon something amazing. I feel like it could go somewhere.

So, even though the set was not what I wanted. The things that happened later made being there worthwhile.

And, I got to talk comic books and the amazing new show "Heroes" with my buddy Sim. And, that was kinda great too.

Finally, a shout out of love to Robin Fox who always makes me feel great. And, I hope Andrienne and I made her feel a little better last night!

Stupid Rap Analogies to Discuss Friendship

Everyone knows Josh Homer, he is considered the asshole of the Soapbox. But, to me he is just my friend and benefactor. I could have done comedic, literature, or film analogies. I decided to use rap.

I am the Rah Digga to his Busta Rhymes

I am theFergie to his Wil. I. Am.

I am the Beanie Siegal to his Jay-Z

I am the Goodie Mob to his Outkast

I am the Kenny Parker to his KRS-One

I am the Juelez Santana to his Cam'Ron

And, most importantly...
I am the Lil' Kim to his Biggie.

The Whitest Day of my Life

So, I spend lots of time trying to be a "cool" white person. I try to make strides, go places, and do things that help my people become a little less corny. I get very tired of the whole, "white people walk like this…" thing that is prevelent in comedy.

It was with this purpose I went to a Jamaican baby shower. And, it was with this one event that I was directly transported back to reality. I saw for myself just how white I am.

Let me set the scene: The invitation said 9pm. I had to go from Brooklyn to the Bronx. This required a train and a bus and a walk. Two-fare zone you know? So, there was a lot of time spent getting there. I got there at 10pm. I thought I was late.

Wrong!!!!

The party was half empty. The person having the baby wasn't there yet. I saw someone I knew and talked them. However, that was difficult as there was a DJ there playing reggae. The party began to fill up more and more and by 11:30pm food was served.

At midnight the party was in effect. The gifts began to be opened. This was when the DJ got into full effect. When a gift was opened that was especially nice, the DJ would get on the mic and shout, "Lighters!!!" (say with accent) and then on his DJ equipment play the sound of gunshots.

It was during this time that I realized that everyone has cultural differences. It doesn't make it wrong. But it sure did make me feel white.

If Only...

So, after looking at this in depth, I can honestly say maybe Jessica Lange, but on her worst day and my best day.

The Greatest Fight I Ever Saw

People talk about great fights. These fights are usually competitions of professionals. The setting is a formal ring. There is money to be made and money being spent. And, most importantly, there is a referee and judges. This creates a feeling of legitimacy.

But, the best fight I saw had none of this. In fact, the fight was over within 3 minutes. There were no judges, only the court of public opinion. The thing that made this fight so great, so transcendent, was its simplicity.

I will set the scene. It was a typical afternoon at Carlisle High School. I was staying a little late to decorate my locker. (Sidebar: Yes, I was that queer.) I finished and was sitting in our lunch/common area while I waited for my ride. While I waited two freshman girls, whose names are lost to the mists of time, started yelling at each other.

The yelling escalated to one face smack and then a hard hair pull. That was it. It was finished. I was a little saddened that it didn't go any farther. But, there was a surprise in store.

The girl who pulled the hair had been thinking ahead. Literally. When the face smacker stepped outside a wind whipped across the sidewalk. As the wind blew, a huge chunk of her hair flew off. It was significant. It was big enough that the entire lunch area gasped. Phrases like "holy shit" flew like the hair.

For this one image alone. It was the greatest fight I ever saw.

The View With Rosie (A Review)

First of all, I'm not afraid to admit it. I have watched The View for the entire 10 year run. It started when I was a junior in college. I would watch it when I had some time off, because no matter how far I try to run from it, I am a midwestern girl at heart. I love a good coffee klatch as much as the next girl. In fact, I love it more.

So, my small town sensibilities were happy to watch The View. I was amazed at the spot that was usually filled by a "young" girl. Somehow, they seemed more out of touch than the other hosts. I wanted desperately to work there. I loved when SNL skewered them. Tracy Morgan's "I'm a lawyer" became a hilrious joke to everyone I watched the show with.

But, the past few years were not as good. Star Jones turned into an alien. As she lost weight both her literal head and figurative head grew to epic proportions. She lost her humor and with Elizabeth Hasselback their, she let her intolerant Republican flag fly. Joy was obviously disgusted and with Meredith leaving, the show needed help.

Enter from the wings Rosie O'Donnell. No matter your opinion of Rosie as a person, she is a heck of a talk show host. She knows how to turn it on and off and she can keep things going. Personally, I think Rosie probably has a lot of anger and maybe is not the nicest person. But, she has added a new life and fun to The View.

Watching The View now, you see chemistry, humor, and real fun. It is so much better than it has been in years. I hope Rosie stays for a while and I hope the 5th player TBA will keep the chemistry alive.

Which Band Am I Talking About???

So, I'm going to place a few facts in my pseudo-copyrighted bullet point style. Tell me if you know who this band is.

• This band toured when they were first popular and working within the paradigm of pop music. Once they began to explore studio space and lyrics, they essentially stopped touring all together.
• This band used film to cement their personas as "joker, lover, etc."
• This band put out a series of double albums that worked as solo sets and a group project.
• This band supported other artists and bands that they loved. However, none of these bands were ever even as close to fame as their benefactors.
• This band created music that stretched the boundary of their genre.
• This band faced years of break-up rumors before they actually broke up.

Who am I talking about?

I am actually talking about 2 bands. The first band is The Beatles anfd the other band is Outkast. These two groups have been in an almost parallel world. Both groups have had so many similarities that they appear to be the same. The only difference is pop vs. rap. So, for Outkast fans we have nowhere to go right now, except to wait for their break up and solo projects that will be good but will never have the power of their group work.

You have been warned.

Another Quiz in Lieu of an Actual Post

So, another quiz about me to tide you over until I actually post this weekend. Real writing. I promise.

You've Experienced 80% of Life

You have all of the life experience that most adults will ever get.And unless you're already in your 40s, you're probably wise beyond your years.

How Much Life Experience Do You Have?

I'm Bored and Taking Quizzes...Watch Out!!!

Take the quiz:
Which Mean Girls Character Are you? (girlz)

Cady Herron
Your a math freak, your a dork.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!


Take the quiz:
Which X-Men Character are you most like?

Bobby Drake
Sometimes you can feel neglected and left out, but don't let what others say get you down, do what's best for you. You have energy hidden deep within you, even though sometimes you don't feel it. Sometimes you must tap that inner strength in order to succeed.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!


Take the quiz:
What soda are you???

Shirley temple
You're fun and sweet, and although you may be a little bit childish, you're one of the best people to be around.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

DUH?!?!?!

To anyone who knows me this test is stating the obvious in about 100 ways.

Your Taste in Music:

80's R&B: Highest Influence80's Rock: High Influence90's Hip Hop: High InfluenceClassic Rock: High InfluenceOld School Hip Hop: High Influence

How's" Your Taste in Music?

I Continue to Be Fascinated by the Duggar Family

Have you ever seen this family? If you have, then you, like me have watched the approximately 5 specials that the Discovery Channel/ Discovery Health has shown about this family.

A little backstory for those of you who don't know. The Duggar family has 16 children. (The picture is from 2004 and missing 2 kids I think.) The family lives in Arkansas and basically since the age of 22 this woman has not stopped being pregnant.

So, why am I fascinated? Let me list the ways.

• The family is obviously religious (clothes, hair, location, 16 kids) but Discovery edits out almost anything that would even suggest they are religious. This is hilarious to me as the fact that most people can deduce they are religious by only looking at the surface.
• A woman who has been pregnant for almost 16 straight years is unfathomable to me. The pain, discomfort, and general hormonal changes mean that this woman has not had her period for almost 2 decades. Not a problem, but it doesn't seem normal. It also seems that you cannot ever feel normal. Just on a basic level, her vagina has to be blown out and able to use as a parachute.
• The amount of food, clothes, etc. that they buy is always staggering. And, again, Discovery is quick to keep out any information as to how they make a living. This makes a cynic like myself believe that they receive government subsidies. I think this would keep many people from finding the story heartwarming and so it is omitted.
• I'm a sucker for fundamentalist clothing. Prairie dresses, pleated khakis, long hair that is a pseudo mullet with odd feathering. (See photo above.)

I'm sure there are more things, but it all kind of becomes one big blur. I have seen all their shows and I watch them multiple times. I am fascinated and a little dumbfounded. I hope I grow tired of it. But, I probably won't.

I Hate to Say "I Told You So"

But, I told you so.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/28/ramsey.arrest/index.html

It's tough always being right.

A Message to Brooklyn Courtesy The Onion

When I moved into this neighborhood, I fell in love right away. Not with the actual neighborhood, but with its potential: It's affordable, there are nice row houses all around just waiting to be filled up by my friends, there's lot of open space to be exploited, and plenty of parking. Plus, this area has got a great authentic feel and, with a little work, it could be even more authentic. Perfect, right?
So why am I the only one doing anything about it?
I am always telling my other struggling artist, freelance graphic designer, and independent T-shirt-maker friends that this is the neighborhood to take it to. It's the next big thing. Sure, it's an hour from my day job and right next to a stinky canal and a power station, but that's the whole charm—it keeps the yuppies out.
It's frustrating, though. My friends insist they're happy where they are. But if they only saw the idealized neighborhood I see, where that rundown old health clinic is turned into a tattoo parlor, and that Last Supper mural is replaced with one featuring Radiohead or a stylized corporate octopus, they'd come around.
The problem is that the property owners here are clueless. They fill their yards with pavement and statues of the Virgin Mary, when all they have to do is clear that brush and we'd have a great beer garden or bocce court. They're spending all this money to renovate the old church, when it'd be put to better use split it up into condos. My landlord has no idea this apartment—hell, every apartment in this building—is undervalued. He could quadruple his profits by cutting my place in half. So I give him an extra 20 bucks a month hoping he gets the hint, but he just takes it out of the next month's rent.
Do any of these people appreciate what the neighborhood they're living in could be?
I'm trying to convince the owners of that taqueria on the corner to change their décor to incorporate some more of that funky Day Of The Dead motif I really like. But they insist on bland white walls. Ugh! I can barely pronounce the name, let alone enjoy its delicious, reasonably priced meals. Plus, you could take all the cool stuff from the five thrift stores and make one really great vintage shop. They'd make a fortune! And, you know, we would all have a fantastic view of downtown if only they'd tear down that dilapidated garage by the waterfront. Or, better yet, they could turn it into a restaurant with a roof deck. Can you say "brunch on the harbor"?
I can't be the only one who'd like to see a community garden and dog run around here, can I?
It sure would help attract people like me if there was a record store, too, and not the one with the giant Shakira cutout in the window. I mean a decent one. I went in to see if they had the new Fiery Furnaces, and they had never heard of it. They said they'd see if they could order it for me, but I declined. I mean, what's the point of supporting a local business if it's not cool?
It feels like I'm the only one trying to do any good around here.
When I first moved in, I loved the 50-cent coffees—it was like living in the '80s—but I wish they'd listen to me and start making lattes. I know I'd pay the extra three bucks, and I'm sure everyone else around here would, too.
I've tried being proactive. But none of the locals I've talked to about bringing in a co-op health-food grocery store have seemed excited at all. Nor have I gotten any of them to take part in my community open-house idea for hip young people to come see what this neighborhood is capable of. What did they do instead? They had a barbecue. With very loud music.
I mean, I don't want the people here to leave. I just want them to stay inside more. Especially if they're not going to do anything to bring this community to life. But they're always out on their stoops, just playing dominoes or talking. I like talking, but I do it inside, where it was meant to be done. It makes me uncomfortable to have people watching me all the time. Not that I think they'd do anything, but I just like to be a little more private.
Also, their dogs stay outside and bark all day. I like dogs just fine, but why can't their dogs be smaller and more nervous?
It's getting to the point where I feel like I'm tilting at windmills. But I can't give up—I know this neighborhood would benefit from the diversity of more people like me moving in. If you need a good place to live, come check out my 'hood. It's quirky, but it could use a few more creative types to get it jumping. But no developers—those guys just ruin it for the rest of us.

I Can't Believe I'm Writing This...

I am writing this with a sense of shame and sadness. Over a year ago, I decreed that the song "My Humps" was satanic. I used the term satanic because I had never heard a song so badly made with such dumb lyrics and amateur hour production. The song, needless to say, went all the way to number one. I still firmly believe that the hand of Satan made this possible.

So, why all the backstory? Because Fergie, the "female" singer of the Black Eyed Peas, has now come out with her solo joint. Besides the fact that her team was smart enough to name the album "The Dutchess" (wink, wink. get it?) they have created a song that is also even more influenced by Satan. The song is "London Bridge".

This song has an amazing beat. The lyrics are, shall we say, confusing and immature. There have been some bad euphemisms for sex. I'm looking at you Kelis and your milkshake, but we have come up for a new one that has officially blown my mind.

"Every time you come around/ my London, London Bridge wanna go down."

What?

I can't even begin to fathom what this is. But, I am pretty sure that whatever I think of could give me nightmares of the Lovercraft/Sutter Cane variety. Society might crumble because of this song. And, do you know why I feel this way? Because I love this song!

I can usually stay away from things like this. But, the beat is redrunkulous. And the lyrics are dumb, but easy to learn. It creates a song that never leaves your brain.

So, I apologize to all my fans and everyone who thought I had good taste. It's obvious I can be seduced to the dark side.

Get these motherf@$%ing snakes off my motherf@$%ing review!!!!

So it was inevitable. When the title of this movie was first leaked on the internet, I knew I would be there. The title was genius. So obvious, so specific, so perfect. Snakes on a Plane. What more could you ask?
After seeing the movie you knew this interaction could never happen.
"I would like my money back I was completely dissatisfied. I saw a movie that was filled with plot holes, bad acting, and general stupidity. It was called Snakes on a Plane and it was not to the quality I expect."
When you see a movie like this you know what to expect.
I knew what to expect.
The thing that sells the movie is the fact that it knows what it is. It never tries to be anything more than a fun frightfest. It reminded me more of the kinds of things Roger Corman used to make in the 1970's. It was closer to Pirahna than Jaws.
Many times movies try to be more than they are. This movie knew it was a B movie with a plot open for fun and gross-outs. It delivered like Dominoes. Many of the deaths were scary and many had the audience saying "aaahhhhh". Fantastic.
There are a few surprises as to who lived although all the deaths were telegraphed. The British jerk is marked from his first scene. But it's worth it because the death he causes and his own death are great. You laugh and are disgusted at the same time. That's the mark of quality in exploitation. A great thing about the movie was the high percentage of "that guys" who filled the screen. There were jokes that were intentional and unintentional and they even used the old spring loaded cat device. Luckily the film went for an R rating so we got some boobies, a snake attached to a penis, and many gory snake attacks leaving bloated, bloody, and severely damaged victims.
The plot doesn't really matter. But, I will say that the writing, directing, and acting were all better than they needed to be. I was surprised they went out and got some real actors and even some of the lesser characters did some real acting. The plot has a few holes, but honestly, no more than movies that purport to have bigger budgets, stars, and quality.
The biggest thing I missed was seeing this at a seedy Times Square theater. The audience I saw it with however, screamed, laughed, and applauded. They had a good time. I had a good time. I only wish it was the 70's so I could have seen this film with Frogs, Sssss, or Death Race 2000.
Come check out these motherf@$%ing snakes on the motherf@$%ing plane.

Movie Quiz Madness

Especially for Kelly, I tried to make this one especially hard!!!!!
Good luck to all!
Here are three songs and the artists who perform them. Guess the movie.

• The Man in Me (Bob Dylan)
• Hotel California (Los Lobos)
• Her Eyes are a Blue Million Miles (Captain Beefheart)

hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
I hope to see plenty of guesses!

Rememberence of Therapy's Past

Tired of solipsistic blogs? Too bad. I am sorry that many of you didn't see my comedy husband Josh Homer. But, you will have to see him sometime. He is a great comic and you will want to say you knew him when.

Now, on to the show. Adam, as always, was hilarious and a great host. He is a pro at it and I can't wait for his show at Caroline's. It should be awesome.

The weirdest thing about the show was everyone talking to each other like blind dates. "Hey I've seen your picture. Aren't you...I really like your blog." It was some wild, weird stuff. But, putting voices, personalities, and comedy to the names was amazing. There are many times I do not feel like a comic. Last night, I felt like a comic. I talked about jokes, rooms, the state of comedy. It was great.

Now, on to my set. I don't really brag that much about my sets. I don't talk about my shows because I am not comfortable with it. I also think that many times people are deluded about how well or badly they did. But, I just want to say that last night was one of the best sets I've ever had. The jokes hit and after the show many of my people, the gays, came up and gave me love. I got such a warm fuzzy. Also, Robin Fox gassed me up after my set so I was walking on air.

For anyone who has never seen me, I'll just quote Jeanne Noll. "I've only seen your picture. I never thought your comedy would be like that."

It was a great night. Laughs, tears, comedy. It was everything I look for in a show. And, I got to see some amazing comics. Here in NYC, we might all be struggling, but it is not for lack of talent. I was so proud.

But, enough about me. What do you think of me?

Celebrity Sufferers of Exhaustion...Unite!!!!

You can now add yours truly to this list of heavyweights. I just got back from a medical appointment. I am officially suffering from exhaustion related to my lyme disease.
To wit:
For the past week I have had a lot of pain on my right side. For those of you who do not remember all of your Amy lore, at age fifteen I had shingles and they were on my right side. Now, a little medical information. Shingles is the provence of the extreme aged, unless your name is Amy Patrick.
So, I was a little nervous. I decided to get a check up. My doctor ran a battery of tests, asked questions, and did some more tests. Thankfully, I do not have palsy!!!! That is common with lyme sufferers. I have had lyme for almost six years and this is the first big flair up with it.
I have been ordered to spend the next week taking it easy, taking medicine, and continue with my diet and exercise. So, along with my other celebrity brethren, I am officially suffering from exhaustion.

The Movie Quiz Strikes Again!!!!!

Another movie quiz to tide you over...

What movie featured these three songs:

• I'm Your Boogie Man- KC and the Sunshine Band
  
• Hang on Sloopy- The McCoy's
  
• Dream Weaver- Gary Wright

Also, if you have this Sunday free, come see me at Therapy (http://www.therapy-nyc.com/).

It's true!!!!

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

What's crazy to me is that I answered only three questions and the test got me pretty close. Except for my annoyance with the elderly, they hit the nail on the head.

Coming Soon...

Very busy here at the compund. New posts coming next week.

Stealing the Subersive.....

http://www.world66.com/myworld66/visitedStates/statemap?visited=AZCADCFLGAILINKYLAMDMAMONVNJNYNCOHPASCTNTXWV">
> your own visited states map or check'>http://douweosinga.com/projects/googlehacks">check out these Google Hacks.

Name that Movie III: This Time it's Personal

Okay, so I'm taking it up a notch. If you can answer this question, you know the drill.

I went super hard just to throw Cary Grant Guy off. Good luck everyone.

Question:
Name the two films that use the song "He Needs Me" written by Harry Nilsson as sung by Shelly Duvall.

Good luck!

Albums that Changed my Life

I think everyone has had albums that changed their lives. I was thinking the other day that there were many albums that made me the way I am. I also read an article that talked about how the music you hear in Junior High and High School is the music that shapes you. With that in mind, I wanted to write about five albums that changed my life. I did not cover classic albums that were made before I was born. I am focusing solely on music I heard in those formative years and Where they lead me.



1. Album that made me start listening to Oxford University's radio station
Violent Femmes/Violent Femmes
I know, that for me, hearing songs like "Add it Up", "Gone Baby Gone", and "Blister in the Sun" transport me back to 8th grade. This was the first album I bought that was truly alternative. The music was a little off. The singer had a nasal voice and almost atonal style. It wasn't like any rock music I had heard. It was almost a complete opposite of the music of Van Halen, Motley Crew, etc. The songs were about taboo topics like masturbation. This album is still an influence. Don't believe me? Get the new Gnarls Barkley CD, they cover "Gone Baby Gone".


2. Album that got me interested in classic soul music
Bell Biv Devoe/Poison
Listening to this CD now can be a little embarrassing. New Jack Swing, as a style, has dated badly. It sounds older and more alien than music from the 70's. But, this CD was always in my player. The songs were dirty and had a great beat. It was one of the first things I ever bought that was straight up R&B singing. Nowadays, I listen to classic soul like The Staples, Al Greene, et. al., and I love the modern divas like Mary J. and Mariah. A lot of my love of this music comes from the research I did after hearing Bell Biv Devoe, now you know.



3. Album that turned my onto Hip-Hop
Public Enemy/Fear of a Black Planet
I listened to rap for a long time. Mainly I listened to it to dance to it or bob my head. I never really listened to the lyrics. That all changed my freshman year. I was watching "Yo! MTV Raps!" and something very different came on. There was a rally, with a very angry dude, and soldiers, and a wacko in a big clock. You all know what it was. It was "Fight the Power". I had never heard anything like that. The music was layered. There were at least three levels to the sound. The lyrics weren't party time. They were revolution time. I become addicted. I bought all their CD's. I started to find other artists like them. I started to really understand hip-hop.

4. Album that Changed my opinion of Madonna and dance music
Madonna/Like a Prayer
So, I always enjoyed Madonna's music. It was fun, danceable, cute. But, this album changed my mind about her as an artist. This album was almost completely written by her. There were songs that discussed her life, duets with artists I admired, and "Like a Prayer" which is one of the best pop songs ever made. To me, the album was a huge step for her. After that, the level of her artistry was higher than before that album. She became more of an artist rather than a star. And, "Act of Contrition" is almost as scary as The Beatle's "Revolution #9".


5. Album that made me realize I will never truly rock out
Metallica/ The Black Album
Every person who likes metal always uses the same defenses. "Those guys have classical music style, listen to the progressions." "The lyrics are more personal and lyrical." "The content expresses the rage of the listener" Blah, blah, blah. To me, it has always sounded like noise. It's too much crunching and sound and yelling. If I wanted a bearded dude to yell at me, I would piss my dad off. I have realized over the years that music like AC/DC, The Who, and Led Zeppelin are probably as hard as it gets for me. And, to all fans let me throw some fire on the flame. Just playing loud and fast doesn't make you deeper or more talented.

Worst. Dream. Ever.

I know this can't be normal. I had a dream about auditioning for the Comic Strip. My dream was so vivid and real that it upset for as few days. Once you read this dream. You might be able to see why I was so disturbed.In my dream, Starla introduces me and I go on stage. I get heckeld and the crowd is openly hostile. So, I start doing crowd work. I mean, I do no jokes. I just go at the audience. Everyone, including myself, is stunned. I am not getting anywhere. And, it is at this moment when the wheels come off the comedy wagon in my dream.

I take my shirt off. And my bra. I am totally topless. My boobs are just out for the world to see. And I continue to do crowd work. While this is happening it's like I split. I am not scared about being topless. I am more upset about bombing. But I am also watching myself from above in horror. I can't believe I am doing this. I feel like I am doing everything I can. But, I'm not. I do my last desperate act.I take off my pants. I am now on stage completely naked.

As I stand there nude I am given the light. I pick up my clothes and leave the stage. I go and stand around naked. I talk to Josh and Sim and they both ask me what happened. Never mind the elephant in the room, the conversation is straight comedy. They can't believe how bad I did. They bring up the crowd work. All I can do is cry and say, "I wasn't ready. I thought I got a practice set."

So, I think we all know where this story ends. I do not get passed. Starla basically asks me if I am mentally ill. I am banned from the Strip. However, she tells me to get more practice.

I leave and that's when I woke up.

I can only hope Oct. 13th goes better than my dream.

Name that Movie (A New Game)

Here, it is. Last week was obviously too easy. So, I am doing it again. I have listed three songs below that all come from the same movie. It's your job to guess that movie. We'll see if people know it.

I think this one might be tougher than last time. Enjoy!!!

• Compared to What (Roberta Flack)
  
• Machine Gun (The Commodores)
  
• Living Thing (ELO)
  

If noone guesses after a while. I will give you one more song. And, then I will reveal the answer.

On 8 Years in NYC

I have been thinking about my last 8 years in NYC. I can't believe it and yet every minute is amazing. I wanted to share the lyrics to a song I really love. It expresses my feelings about moving to NYC in a way I never could.


I GUESS THE LORD MUST BE IN NEW YORK CITY
By Harry Nilsson
I’ll say goodbye to all my sorrow
And by tomorrow I’ll be on my way
I guess the-Lord must be in New York City
I’m so tired of gettin’ nowhere
Seein’ my prayers goin’ unanswered
I guess the-Lord must be in New York City
Well here I am Lord knocking on your back door
Ain’t it wonderful to be where I’ve always wanted to be
For the first time I’ll breathe free here in New York City.
Say goodbye to all my sorrow
And by tomorrow I’ll be on my way
I guess the-Lord must be in New York City
So tired of gettin’ nowhere
And seein’ my prayers goin’ unanswered
I guess the-Lord must be in New York City
Well here I am Lord knocking on your back door
Ain’t it wonderful to be where I’ve always wanted to be
For the first time I’ll breathe free here in New York City.

I Come to Bury Star Jones, Not to Praise Her

We will never see the Rosie smackdown. It's a shame. But really, Star should have been more gracious. Watch Gawker's clip. She burned one of the biggest bridges in the business. Good luck with that. I feel bad for Star because she has not seemed happy since she got skinny. And, her marriage to Al has been ragged on by everyone. The best quote has to be from Kathy Griffin. "Al is so gay, when he walks by all you hear is snapping." But, she never made herself seem like a real person. Her over the top self-love made her unbearable.

I am really only sad that the Rosie smackdown will not occur. Shameful. I cry a single Indian litter tear for this chain of events.

Name that Movie (A New Game)

So, for all you movie nerds, I've decided to post a weekly movie music list. I'll give you three songs that were in a movie and you try to guess which movie I'm talking about.
I know that most people use this page to suck time. So, I thought I would do my part.

Here it is...
Which movie featured these three songs?
Jump into the Fire (Nilsson)
Remember (Walkin' in the Sand) (Shangri-Las)
Sunshine of Your Love (Cream)

If noone gets it in a few guesses, I'll add a final song that might give it away.
Good luck!

My Apologies

So, I'm working on my You Tube page. Please be patient and the hilarity will ensue!

I'm On You Tube!!!!

If you want to check out my hilarious comedy, and by hilarious I mean mediocore. Then check out the link below. It might still be tweaking a bit, but give it a try.

CHECK ME OUT!!!!!

A Few Small Shout Outs!!!!

So, I was gone for a few days. But, I'm back. More movie reviews will be coming! But for now, just a few small messages.

• I hope everyone in NYC had a great Pride weekend. In this crazy time where the older generation is trying to make things the way they want, we all have to fight for our GLTB brothers and sisters. Celebrate diversity always.
• I got the job at Manhattan Charter School. I will be the program director of the After-School Program and I will also be working one day a week on their library. Wish me luck!
• Happy Birthday to Kristy and Eroica. Good luck and God bless
• And finally, congratulations of graduation to my girl Kaela. I am so proud of her. Words can never say how much I have wished for this day. Life has so much to offer and this is only the first step.

So, that's all for now. Check back soon. Reviews, music opinions, and some other surprises are coming your way.

Amy's Movie Reviews

So, another round of hilarious and insightful movie reviews from yours truly.

X3: The Last Stand (dir. Bret Ratner)
So, I am a big X-Men fan. I loved the first two movies and the 90's cartoon show was appointment viewing for me in college. Don't ask. But, this last movie was highly dissapointing. The action scenes were great and I thought my favorite character, Beast, was handled well. The rest of the movie, however, was highly lacking. When you see a movie like this with my hubby a huge comic book fan you start to hate it even more. He knew everything and what they did wrong with them. So, not good times. As usual, Halle Berry was the weak link. I have said this from the beginning, Iman is perfect. For God's sake she's African, beautiful, tall, and regal. Last time I checked, Storm was all those things. The main point of the XMen is the idea of being gay, Jewish, or minority. Bryan Singer, as a gay man, brought a feeling to the films that was vital. Bret ratner has never really been an outsider, therefore, he is not really the right fit for the XMen. Oh well, I await Superman and Spider-Man 3.

The Break-Up (dir. Peyton Reed)
Everyone knows I am not a huge Jennifer Aniston fan. I find that she seems really rigid and not comfortable with herself. Nicole Kidman has this problem as well. But, Nicole gave about ten amazing performances and I had to reconsider. Aniston has not really done that yet. I think she might be a good actor, I just haven't seen it yet. So, it is with all that in kind that I tell you how much I liked this movie. The story has been told many times, however, it takes a very non-commercial way to get there. It is surprising how little it feels like this movie was made by committee. It has a strong voice that doesn't cheat. It's funny and sad and will hit a lot of people close to home. I am really happy how well the movie has done. I think it will surprise a lot of people with the risks it takes. Give it a chance, I did and was greatly rewarded.

A Prairie Home Companion (dir. Robert Altman)
So, you all knew I would see this movie opening weekend. Robert Altman is my favorite director. Bad Altman is still better than say, really good Michael Bay. The movie is typical Altman so I enjoyed it. The acting is solid, the songs are god, blah blah blah. You've heard it all before. If you like Altman or Grrison Keillor see the movie. Everyone else should stay away. The "Bad Jokes" number steals the show and Kevin Kline gives the best performance.

My Sentiments Exactly!

I usually don't cut and paste, but reading this I felt such a kinship to what the author wrote, I wasnted to let others see it. I found it through Gawker and it was originally posted on http://www.tremble.com


Last night some words were had on a slow-moving G train from Greenpoint. The first set of words came from an older Hispanic gentleman. He was celebrating Puerto Rican pride with a friend, by yelling in drunken Spanish and smoking a cigarette on the train.

The second set of words were delivered by a young, white woman who was the very picture of North Williamsburg gentrification—H&M army jacket, fixed-gear bicycle, and a scruffy sense of political activism and civic pride that someday will calcify into exacting self-righteousness played out with a series of handmade signs around her apartment building, bearing messages like "THIS TREE NEEDS WATER, NOT DOG PEE" and "PLEASE STOP YOUR VAL-PAK TERRORISM NOW!!" Having no apparent Puerto Rican pride of her own, she was admonishing/lecturing the older gentleman on his special day.

"You're smoking on the train. Do. Not. Smoke. On. The. Train." Her words were clipped, like she was assembling sentences with something called SEVERELY DISAPPROVING MAGNETIC POETRY. As she lectured the old man, he waved her off and took turns dragging from his cigarette and chuckling in Spanish. ("Chuckling in Spanish" is also a very dirty sex act that involves a large meal, some nitrous oxide and a diaper attached to a slingshot.) While he chuckled and smoked, she continued.

"Stop. Smoking. Now."

"gigglerelleno."

"Seriously. Stop. It's. Illegal. You. Are. Making. All. Of. Us. Sick. With. Your. Smoking. Can. You. Understand. Me?"

"glurb..."

"Stop. It. Stop. It. Stop."

"Heheheheperdidafumarexcellentegrrrmmphhh."

Finally, she resorted to the quintessential square-and-angry-and-struggling-to-relate-to-inner-city-types plea: "That's not cool, man. That's NOT COOL." Whenever I hear those words—and I've even said them myself, after exchanging a lot of angry dialogue with 10 year-old black kid who had hurled a rock at my girlfriend as she rode by on her bicycle—I get a horrible feeling in my skin, like all the Caucasian is racing up to the surface. Spike Lee perfectly captured this particular kind of inter-racial discomfort in Do the Right Thing, when John Savage (in his Celtics jersey – get it?) had some loud words with a group of black teenagers after accidentally scuffing one of their brand-new Air Jordans. ("Them shits is broke!")

In the battle of Puerto Rican Pride vs. Civic Pride, it was a dead heat. The more the young woman scolded the old man, the more drunk and cigarette-crazy he seemed to get. Finally, the conductor popped his head out and explained that cops were on their way. (The young girl took this as a win for her team, and warned the old man that now the cops were coming and he was going to have to pay $100 for smoking and no one could go anywhere because we were all stopped thanks to him and I hope you're happy. He was, by all accounts, happy.) Moments later, three uniformed officers entered the train and ordered the old man and his pal to vacate the train. While this was happening, the young girl and her friends were helpfully pointing out where the old man had hastily discarded his cigarette.

Perhaps their Puerto Rican pride was radiating too strongly, because the old men refused to exit the train. (Or didn't understand the request.) A minor scuffle broke out and, finally, two of the officers lifted the drunks out of their seats, their old arms waggling, grabbing at the air, and roughly escorted them off the train with a hearty shove. The train doors closed, and we all proceeded in silence.

Though I was sorry to see the old men go, it was kind of interesting to see how the situation was handled. Sometimes I forget that police officers can just grab people and shove them out of a train, and that's just called "protecting and serving." If anyone else had done that (and many of us were surely thinking about it) it would have been considered short-tempered, and possibly a little insane/dangerous. But the police intervention seemed pretty reasonable.

Honestly, whether they were wearing police badges or Batman costumes, the uniform really does justify certain types of behavior. I only wish one of the officers had turned on the young girl, pushed a finger into her collarbone, and said, "And you: calm the fuck down. Your lack of Puerto Rican pride disgusts me! NOT COOL." because that was the other thing I really wanted to do but was too afraid it would make me look crazy.

Gamma Rays Comedy

So, to elevate my career, I have begun producing an amazing show in Brooklyn. Here are all the gory details.

Every Thursday @ 8pm
Gamma Rays Comedy
Bar Reis 375 5th Ave. (b'twn 5th and 6th St.) Park Slope, Brooklyn

$5 Cover Charge with no drink minimums and maximums.

This week come see Robin Fox, Omar Beer, Dan Shaki, Josh Homer, Raquel D'Apice, Simeon Goodson, and Michelle Buteau. Hosted by Gamma Rays and Mr. Plow's own Amy Patrick.

Check us out!

Being Amy Patrick

So, I decided to write to keep everyone up with by bi-yearly bout of bronchitis. I have been sick for about three days and today it hit the jackpot. The weather change, my asthma, and my husband being sick all lead to a perfect storm of illness. Huzzah!
But, today, although I am feeling better, I look worse. I went to the gym to sweat out toxins, yes I believe that shit, and it worked. It worked too well. It broke my fever. After the gym I went to my DJ spinning class at Scratch. I was sweating like Whitney Houston for the entire class. It was beautiful. I was coughing, sweating, and sniffing. I might have slightly looked like a drug addict.

So, I'm back home with a fan on my face so I can sweat in piece. I might go to a movie later. Hopefully, the AC in theater will be blasting so noone will notice that I was just at Clive Davis's farewell party singing with my husband, the king of R&B.

For you Chris Rock fans that can translate to rocks and blunts or ribs and bar-b-que.

I have a ton of shows booked next week, so please pray to whatever higher power you believe in for my recovery. Every little bit helps!

"Crack is wack". Words to live by.

Amy's Movie Reviews

so, summer's here, that means the big guns have been drawn and the movies are big and loud. There are art house films out there as well, but sometimes they get lost. Here are a few reviews of some of the movies I've seen lately.

Art School Confidential (dir. Terry Zwigoff)- They had me at "from the director of Bad Santa". If you haven't seen Bad Santa do yourself a favor and check this one out. It's a hateful little gem of black comedy. Zwigoff is a director that follows his own path. He has directed documentaries and also heartfelt drama, but with this film and Bad Santa, it's obvious that his heart is with black comedy. There isn't really a plot here, but Zwigoff and writer Daniel Clowes have a huge bone to pick with art school and the people who go there. The film makes it known that talent is there, but will be destroyed by the staff and other students. The teachers are seen as failures, with the exception of Angelica Huston's art history professor who it is made clear isn't a painter trying to cash a paycheck. There was a lot of humor, but it was aimed directly at the people who were watching the film. If you are not offended and want to laugh while choking down some bile then you should enjoy it.

Mission Impossible III (dir. JJ Abrams)- So, when I saw the trailer for this movie I wanted to see it, but I was conflicted. The conflict is in the fat that I love JJ Abrams' work on Felicity and Lost, but I hate Tom Cruise. So, I wasn't sure if I wanted to see it. However, my love of Abrams and many of the other actors won me over. And, what can I say. It was great. It was definitely the best of the bunch. That might be damning it with faint praise, but that's not what I mean. This film follows the TV much closer and has a lot of life and some great sequences. The acting is good, it is well directed, and the main bad guy is a Republican!!!! That's an Amy Patrick special. Don't let Tom Cruisazzy keep you from seeing this film. It is actually really good.

My TV Exploded!!!!

It's true. Your #1TV fan had her hubby's fancy flat screen pop and shut off. Right in the middle of The People's Court no less.
I turned it off and have been doing nutty things like cleaning, reading, and actually blogging since then. It's amazing what happens when you stop looking at a screen.
So, I am hopefully going to find out about the job I went to 2 interviews for. All of you out there, pray to your higher power for me. I really want this job.
If I don't get it, I already talked to a manager at West Elm. So, retail might be back in my future. I'm going to hit the bricks next week when I find out what is going on with my dream job.
And, lastly, my comedy career is finally hitting the mid-level. I am producing, along with my buddies Josh and Sim, a comedy show in Brooklyn. June 15th is the first night. $5 gets you some really great comedy. Come check us out. I need to feel like I have some kind of career!

Found this and Had to Post it.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net. They always have some great stories. I am copying a recent article they had up. As a comic, writer, and a liberal, this was the funniest thing I've read in a long time.


WHY THERE AREN'TMANY RIGHT-WINGOBSERVATIONALCOMEDIANS.
BY TEDDY WAYNE
- - - -
You ever see a roomful of old white guys trying to dance? They're bumping along out of rhythm to some corny '50s song in their tuxedos, like three feet away from their wives, and you're just like, "Yes—that's exactly what respectable nightlife socializing should be."
- - - -
I'm in the supermarket checkout the other day, and this woman is taking forever to pay—with her checkbook, of course. So I lean over and say, "Hey, lady, you know what we're all thinking when you pay by check? That you're not reaping any potential benefits from a cash-back or frequent-flyer credit card." I mean, how stupid can you be not to know that most major cards give triple miles for supermarket or drugstore purchases? Am I right, people?
- - - -
My wife complains like it's her job. About out-of-control government spending and affirmative action. And I totally agree with her. She's a spokeswoman for Rick Santorum.
- - - -
The other day, on a flight, I open up my package of peanuts, and there are five peanuts inside. I ask the flight attendant if there's a mistake, and she says it's a cost-cutting procedure to help save the airline from bankruptcy. I go, "Oh, yeah? You want an idea for another 'cost-cutting procedure'? How 'bout taking a stand against the pilots' union and raising the retirement age to 65 from the current 60 so the 401(k)s aren't depleted and the average middle-to-upper-class passenger doesn't foot the bill?" Boo-ya!
- - - -
I once had this real tight-ass boss who constantly yelled at all his employees for slacking off. For our Christmas bonuses, he gave us tube socks. Tube socks. And, by saving money, he was able to hire new, better employees the next year, fire us, and improve profit margins. That man knew how to run a fiscally responsible company.
- - - -
The other night my wife and I are watching Hannity & Colmes, and she goes, "I'm cold—let's turn up the heat." So I say, "Just put on a sweater." And she gives me this look that's like, No missionary sex in the marital interest of procreation for you! And I'm thinking, "Man, if only the pansy liberals let the military flex a little more muscle in the Middle East and force an effective European coalition, we might be able to dissolve the OPEC terrorists, gain some leverage over oil prices, and avert domestic crises like this." The fellas know what I mean!
- - - -
You guys seen Brokeback Mountain? I actually thought it could've been a good movie. If one of the guys were a woman. And they were married. And practicing Christians. And they didn't outsource the directing to Taiwan.
- - - -
Where are you folks from? Paris? Really? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Ha ha, just kidding, madame. But get out of my face. Seriously. You make me sick.
- - - -

I Like Doctor Who (Holy Crap!!!!)

I can't believe that I'm saying this, but the new Doctor Who from the BBC is fantastic. It's going to be out on DVD here in the U.S. in July. I have a great connection here in the city for bootleg DVD's.

So, when he had the good doctor, my husband grabbed it up.
Joe is a big Doctor Who fan. I will call him out right now. He has been to a Doctor convention. With all of that in mind, he really wanted to see the show. I was reluctant to say the least.

A little back story on my love/hate affair with science fiction. I am a little schizo on this topic. I think in many things there are good ideas, but I also think that many times the execution is off. American Sci-Fi distracts you with amazing effects and British Sci-Fi distracts you with the lack of effects. It's a little weird. There are many things in science fiction I enjoy. My favorite books are Brave New World, Farenheight 451, and Slaughterhouse Five. I'm not sure how that happened. And, the big ideas in the first 2 Matrix films was right up my alley.

Sorry, tangent. But, the new Dr. Who is extremely well done. Good acting, clever scripts, and decent effects are all here. Christopher Ecclestone plays the Dr. Much more sour and sarcastic. He is not twinkly like Tom Baker. Billie Piper and John Barrowman play his traveling companions. John Barrowman plays a bi-sexual time traveler. The character is done very well and handled with wit and dignity.

Russell Davies is the new writer/producer. He created the original Queer as Folk. He brings the same good writing and strong show running to this new doctor. Doctor Who is really good. Everyone who enjoys science fiction or British humor should check it out. And, if you watch a lot of British product, look for a variety of guest stars.

Fliering with the Famous

So, I just got back from a tough room that I fliered for. The place is great, the other comics were great, and I have had amazing sets there. Tonight the crowd was tough, but every laugh was worked for. So, I did feel a bit of success.

But, I was able to flier in Times Square. Amazingly, Cee-Lo, rapper from Goodie Mob and currently out with the combo Gnarls Barkley was walking by. I said, "hey Cee Lo" and tried to sound like I knew him. It worked. He turned around and so did his friends. I worked my Amy magic and he took a flier. His friends laughed at my chutzpah and also took fliers.

They did not come to the show. But, they have my flier. Maybe they'll think about it and come another time.

I think the value in this lesson is to always be brave and do what you need to do.

I am so happy about this story, I've posted it on all my blogs! I'm such a loser.

The End of an Era

So, tonight Will and Grace had their series finale. I watched it. Full disclosure, I haven't watched this show in years. But, I wanted to watch the finale because I think this show, when it first aired, was a revelation. It had gay characters who spoke in a truly "gay" way. There were in jokes, sexy jokes, and a wealth of pop culture.

For me, I related to the show. When it first appeared I was still single and my best friend, then as now was my own Will Truman, Dale. I related to the closeness of the characters. Many things on the show seemed as if they were my life. I know if Dale reads this, he knows that Will and Grace's dominance at games was directly lifted from our lives.

After college I got married and moved to NYC. Dale came with his partner Tom and moved close by. As I watched the finale. All of the talk of destiny and how those who are supposed to be in your life will always be there, spoke to me. I got a little teary thinking about my life and how much richer it is because of all of those who have come into my life. Especially my best friend.

So, the episode was fine. But, the feelings that it brought up meant something. Honestly, without this show I don't think acceptance would be where it is. We have a long way to go, but in it's own way, Will and Grace brought gay people into millions of homes and maybe a few out of their closets. So, with all that said, goodbye Will and Grace. The world is better because you were on the air.

Upocoming Amy Events

Wonder what Amy is up to? Want to see her hilarious comedy?
Then check out my MySpace page for all the dates, times, and prices.

http://www.myspace.com/amypatrick

All your Amy news in one place!

Happy Birthday!!!

So, my hubby is soon to be 30!
Holy Crap!
I just wanted to put this short post and say Happy Birthday and I love you so much.

Don't Fear the Reaper Joe!

In Search of the Real Me

So, because of the awesome Noushineh, I have done this test.

So, this is a way to see how you see yourself VS. how others see you. Go to the site and see what you would pick for me.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Amy Patrick

Amy's Movie Reviews

So, I'm finally seeing more movies. Yay!!! I will also have more reviews coming next weekend. And, I am going to share stories about my DJ class on my MySpace and Comedy Soapbox blogs. But, for now, sit back and relax, enjoy the show!

Take The Lead: (director Liz Friedlander)
So, anyone who knows me, knows my favorite genre of film is the "ragtag group of ______ pulls it together and makes something of themselves" genre. This type of film can be found in almost every style of film. A few examples that I highly recommend; The Dirty Dozen, The 7 Samurai, The Bad News Bears, Slap Shot, School of Rock, and you even have documentaries like Spellbound and Mad, Hot Ballroom.
Take the Lead follows in the footsteps of all of these films. The movie is based on the life of Pierre Dulaine. He is a professional ballroom instructor and dancer. After seeing a troubled teen one night, he decides to work with kids who really need him. The story breaks no new ground. He has to get the kids to trust him and also get them to believe in themselves.
Antonio Banderas is very good as the teacher and he can really dance. The students are played by a variety of familiar faces from other teen flicks. Rob Brown from Finding Forrester and Coach Carter does a good job as does Lauren Collins from Degrassi and Yaya Acosta from America's Next Top Model.
The movie captures class difference and how race is important, but being poor can wear on you harder than anything. The NY scenes are captured well and uses locations not normally seen in the city. It's a nice change of pace.
Many of the kids are types and we also have an uptight teacher and a principal who loves the program but might have to shut it down. Will the kids make it to the big competition? Will the program survive? Will mortal enemies find love? You know all the answers already. But, that didn't stop me from getting misty and enjoying the film.

Silent Hill: (director Christopher Gans)
It's official. If you want to make a frightening film, you must decide to have it take place in an alternate dimension or hell on Earth. Silent Hill is based on a video game, but works as a movie. The atmosphere, tension, and general work on the film make it a pretty good horror film.
I am not a fan of PG-13 horror/suspense. I grew up watching horror in the 1980's and was weaned on films like A Nightmare on Elm Street, Dawn of the Dead, Jacob's Ladder, and various other gory and scary films.
Currently, horror has been pandering to teens and watering down the product. Only foreign horror has been stepping up. But, Silent Hill is gory, scary, and tense. It follows in the creepy tradition of Candyman, Hellraiser, and In the Mouth of Madness.
Lovecraftian horror is an idea using the work of H.P. Lovecraft. His work features an idea of unspeakable horror. And, unspeakable horror never works on film. Excluding a few films, that I already mentioned, it hardly ever works.
Silent Hill was directed by French director Christopher Gans. Check out his film Brotherhood of the Wolf. It's crazy, scary, and really well done. Silent Hill is muc better directed than most horror. The gore is there and the acting is fairly good. My biggest qualm is that you can really feel that it is based on a video game. Certain scenes, sound effects, and plot points seem very much like they were lifted directly from a game. During the last big confrontation my husband said, "That was one hell of a boss level".
But, if you just want to be scared and can leave a certain level of logic at the door, check this out.

Whatever Happened to TV Theme Songs?

So, I recently downloaded the theme song to "Sanford and Son" to my iPod. Before you judge me, this is a great song. And, as a TV theme it's perfect. When you hear the song, it sounds like the instruments are found in a junk yard. There's funk in it and the overall tone captures the shambling spirit of the show.
As I listened to it, I thought about how great all the shows in the 70's and 80's used their theme songs to capture a feeling or mood about the show. Typically, songs with lyrics were organic to the show. The lyrics usually summarized the show or set the tone. Today, if there are lyrics they very rarely fit the show's content.
This is a short post, but something I've been thinking about recently. I wish we had more singable or recognizable themes. Even the old themes without lyrics set a tone. Think about "Barney Miller" or "Night Court". And, pretty much any show created by Norman Lear (Good Times, The Jeffersons, Maude) or Junger/Witt (The Golden Girls) had a song that made you fondly recall the show. I am pretty sure that these themes made the shows better and kept them on the air longer.
So, check out the themes now. You'll see that they are actually really good songs. They stand on their own merits. I wish TV shows had that today.

Lost Stuff

I'll admit it, I'm a nerd for this show!

http://www.thehansofoundation.org

1-877-HANSORG

Both are great timekillers. The tenacles of the conspiracy grows.

A Few Thoughts on Immigration

I am writing this short post because I truly supported the May 1st march. The boycott I'm on the fence about. But, I really just have a few thoughts on all of it and wanted to share them.

1. If your last name isn't KillingDear or RunninBear you have a stake in the march. Just because we subjugated people and ran rampant, that has somehow made us not immigrants anymore. I don't buy it. Every group that has come to this coutnry has been crapped on and treated badly. But, now, when the face of it is darker than khaki, we want to build a wall.

2. Building a wall around the United States is one of the worst things I've ever heard. A wall blocking us in is one of the tragedies of our lifetime. If we do it, we will fall the way Rome, Egypt, and other great Empires fell.

3. And, if people wanted to stop illegal immigration, they would force businesses to stop outsourcing, raise the minimum wage, and force employers to have ethics.

4. Also, if you don't want to lose a job to a "Mexican", then get a diploma, start a business, and get some training because honestly, that's the jobs they're allegedly taking.

5. And finally, most illegals pay into our system. In fact a large amount of them pay taxes into the system and get nothing back.

So, finally, can we stop this nonsense? We are the greatest country in the world, even though there are times when I get mad about it, but our time might be closing. Narrow minds and cold hearts are the problem in this world. Let's be open and honest and work as the nation of immigrants we are.

Lestat: The Musical (A Review)

Why is it that theater gets vampires so wrong? Literature and cinema have done, for the most part, right by the creatures. But, theater is either too campy or too boring.
The creators of "Lestat" have been handed a property that could have worked on stage. But, instead of working with just one novel they decided to do a "Lestat's greatest hits" and it fails miserably. I wish the musical would have been a huge debacle with just train wreck qualities. However, it's not even interesting as a failure. It's adjust standard, boring Andrew Lloyd Webber pap.
I'll handle a few elements and give some opinion on what I would have done better. I think there was a lot of talent involved and the actors on stage did the best they could. But, they were done no favors.
The music is not interesting at all. For a show that takes place in France, the Middle East, and New Orleans, the music conjures up none of these places. In fact, the music really conjures up Broadway circa 1987. A real chance was blown with that. Someone like Michael Chiusa could have done well with the concept or even working with an actual rock star. We should have felt some life or danger or sense of place. This was a score that went through a generic music machine.
Before I go on, the one interesting thing in "The Vampire Lestat" is that he becomes a rock star and uses the music to send messages. He is charismatic and sexy. His music is a huge success. So, why not bookend the play with two big moments and make the middle an extended flashback into who he is? That way we see who he is and how he got that way. It also gives the actor a chance for a big opening and closing number. And, it gives the writer a chance to let loose with a fun song and draws the audience right in.
No, we follow a chronological story that is both slow and yet not even vaguely complete. The "love affair" with his mother is just barely discussed in a song called "The Crimson Kiss" and his childhood companion Nicholas is seen as his true love but they never show us. We also never feel his connection with many of the people and Marius might as well not even be in the show.
The best thing about the play, to me, was that they gayed it up. At least Lestat was truly pansexual and the other people in his life were appropriately gay. However, the role of Claudia was too broadly played and I felt they were trying to create a camp icon with her and not a truly tragic figure.
Oh well, what do I know? The show got a standing ovation. I however, went home and watched the movie "Interview with a Vampire" over again and lamented what they could have done on stage.

Baby Steps

Some recommended pages of comedy and other comics. Enjoy!

http://blaggblogg.blogspot.com
http://www.iamtimwarner.com
http://www.adamsank.com
http://www.joshhomer.com
http://www.pattonoswalt.com

And, last but not least, my group's two websites:
http://www.myspace.com/neighborhoodwatchcomedy
http://neighborhoodwatchcomedy.blogspot.com

I'm Back

So, the Plow is back from her vacation. Much soul searching and thinking was done. Now, she is back and ready to write more, do more comedy, and generally try to actually get a career. So, watch this space for more writing and more concert dates and other amazing things.

A Small Service Interruption

The Plow will be back next week with many more informative and hilarious posts. I am off to discover the Caribbean on an amazing cruise.

Peace out!

I'm Going to be on MTV!

Ok, so maybe I'm only going to be part of a segment with no talking, etc. But, I can spin it as a TV credit.
Here's the truth. I currently do tutoring to make some extra cash. I am currently tutoring a young girl named P-Star (stage name) who is a rising actor and rapper. MTV came to film a "You Hear it First" segment. I got to hold the MTV News mic and say, "My name is Amy Patrick and I give MTV permission to use my image." Awesome!
So, MTV filmed us as we did our lesson for the day. It was bizarre. I'm sure I'll look completely insane. I did wear make-up and did my hair because I was told in advance of my brush with greatness. So, the whole thing is suppsoed to be on MTV next month. I will be honest and say that I am kind of excited. This is national TV bitches.
So, be on the look-out. I'm one step closer to fame and riches or at least infamy and bus fare.

Amy's Movie Reviews (back from hiatus)

So, it's been a while. I have not been to the movies as much as usual. A lot of things have gotten in the way. These include: Knicks games, theater, comedy, and just general fatigue. But, I have seen a few movies and wanted to write some reviews for you, my awesome fans.
Last night I was at the Tribeca Film Festival for the premiere of Jeff Garlin's "I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With". Garlin is best known as Larry David's friend/agent on "Curb Your Enthusiasm". With this film he takes on a romantic comedy. The film is sweet, weird, and funny. And, although the film is rough around the edges, it has a lot of charm and will hopefully get seen.
Before I start with the movie, at the Q and A following the film Garlin talked about the fact that he lost funding twice and the film took almost two years to shoot. He also created almost every character for the actor playing it. His reliance on several improv and comic actors that are recognizable to comedy viewers is a good thing. There are scenes where you feel that Garlin just wanted this person he really likes to have a chance to be funny. And, for the most part, it works.
As the two women that Garlin falls for, Bonnie Hunt and Sarah Silverman showcase their comedic strengths. It also helps that both woman are really funny and help Garlin with some of the comedic heavy lifting.
And, for comedy/improv fans be on the lookout for Amy Sedaris, Richard Kind, Wallace Langham, and Homer Simpson himself Dan Castelleneta. I enjoyed the film and I hope it at least gets some minor distribution.

Liza with a Z

So, I just watched the Bob Fosse directed special "Liza with a Z". It played on Showtime and is soon to be on DVD. I'm not a huge Liza fan, but I am a huge Bob Fosse fan. His films are filled with amazing imagery and his choreography is instantly recognizable. Probably only Twyla Tharp and Jerome Robbins have a style that you recognize immediately.
Fosse's style is filled with small gestures and precision. Hats, gloves, wide fingers, and subtle hip movements are his signature. On the aspect of the dancing, the show is a great success. Liza was raised to be an entertainment machine. You sense her professionalism to the core. However, because she is an entertainment machine, you never feel much joy. Liza seems to want to do the best show ever. And, the show is very good. Once Liza begins her singing, dancing juggernaut show picks up. The "Cabaret" themed finish is the highlight. And, Liza nails the title song the way she always does.
So, why am I not more excited? Two things; as much as I love Fosse, his directing style is distracting in the TV special form, and secondly, Liza never looks like she's having that much fun. Everything appears calculated and formed to the smallest detail. I want to see sexuality and joy and the art of having a good time. And, for much of the show this is missing.
Now, I would not say this is a pan. I loved the dancing and Liza sounds great. I personally was just hoping for a little more joy.

Just a Little Love...

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has supported me in the last year. You make me feel like I have family.

"Everyone say Dirk"

Meet the Knicks

So, last night before my standard Tuesday show I went to a special event for season ticket holders. This is my husband and I's first year with the Knicks. We had Nets tickets for two years. But, the distance, horrible fans, and lack of caring that made us leave. Joe was upset because he was banking on their move to Brooklyn because they would have been within walking distance.

But, I digress. The Knicks, as anyone who follows sports knows, are atrocious. But, truly, and I don't want to talk about this too much. Isaiah Thomas is horrible and Stephon Marbury stinks. But, if you look at the new guys and what they could be doing, it's a shame. I have a feeling Marbury will be traded in the offseason and they will magically win a lot more games next season.

Again, another digression. As a thank you to fans, the Knicks had a big event. There was free food, autographs, and games. We got a DVD about the history of the Knicks. I got to meet my favorite player Nate Robinson. He was friendly, cute, and really connected with the fans. BTW, he had his dunk contest trophy with him.

Joe got to meet his favorite player Channing Frye. But, he was a little sad. He thought Frye was aloof. But, I did make the point that being a talented athlete does not make you friendly or not socially awkward. Joe basically acknowlegded the truth in my statement and as usual, I win.

Later today, I am going to try to load pics of the event on my myriad of blogs. Be on the lookout.

Joe said he will get season tickets again because the Knicks have made him feel like they care.

Upcoming Amy Events

April 6th at 7pm Kaparty Lounge 140 2nd Avenue NO COVER!!!

April 9th at 7:30 High Chai Tea Room Avenue B and 2nd Street NO COVER!!!

And, as always, every Tuesday at 10pm The 5Spot Supper Club 459 Myrtle Avenue Brooklyn NO COVER!!!!

Hopefully, this gives you loads of information on where to find me. And, check back for more dates and other important Amy news.

Trader Joe's

So, NYC just got a Trader Joe's last week. I did not go on opening day because I learned my lesson from opening day at Target. Fool me once, you know the rest (unless you are President Bush). So, I waited a week and also decided not to go until after lunch when it might not be so packed.

How could I go at that time of day? Most of you know. So, I went and there was a crowd, but it was not bad. They also have modeled their check out similar to Whole Foods. The selection was not as good as other Trader Joe's I have been too. But, I am attributing that to the fact that it is probably madness their every day and they do not re-stock until after closing.

But, I did get a lot of stuff and didn't even break the 30 dollar mark. You can't beat that. The same stuff at Whole Foods would have been much more expensive. But, I still love you whole foods. You stole my heart.

So, that's all from this front for now. I am going to enjoy my Trader Joe's turkey jerky and hazelnut spread. (Not at the same time weirdos).