Amy's Comedy-Palooza January

Check me out this January at my home clubs. In Brooklyn, it's the 5Spot Supper Club and in the big, bad city it's Joe Franklin's.

5Spot Supper Club (Myrtle Ave. and Washington Brooklyn)
$2.99 Cover Charge/No Minimum
January 3rd @ 10pm
January 10th @ 10pm
January 17th @ 10pm
January 24th @ 10pm
January 31st @ 10pm

And, January 9th at 11pm at the NY Comedy Club (24th Street and 3rd Avenue) $10 bucks and two drinks!

Hope to see you guys there. You can check out each venue at http://newyork.citysearch.com.

Recommended Reading...

I have spent the past month catching up on some reading. I wanted to create a small list of recommended books for all my readers. Check them out, you might accidentally learn something.

• In Cold Blood, Truman Capote
• Lunar Park, Bret Easton Ellis
• Neil Gaiman, Anansi Boys
• Shame of the Nation, Johnathan Kozol
• The Best American Non-Required Reading, edited by David Eggars
• The Plot Against America, Phillip Roth

All fo these books are worth your time and you should check them out. They all have their own style and cover a lot of ground. Try to check them out. They are all available at your local library.

Happy 2K6

Mr. Plow and this demented Baby New Year wish you a great 2006! We'll be back soon with the Amy Awards and lots 'o culture fun!

Another Year Older and What Have You Done

For me this has been a big year of change. I left the library after 5 years and began a job with more freedom so that I could pursue comedy and writing. It's a long slog but I love all my friends who have supported me and made me feel like this was an okay idea. Especially a big heart of love to my husband who is an amazing man and is supportive of all my insanity.
Well, enough about me. I want to wish everyone a happy new year. Remember all of the people who face huge tragedy and our soldiers and our dumb ass government. If you pray, pray for them. If you don't just try to make your life and the lives of others as good as possible. Let's all work to make this country the amazing place it can be.
Sorry about all that. I think I just had a small brain aneurysm. So, good luck and God bless in 2006.

Mr. Plow wishes you a Happy Holiday!!!

Dispatches From Brooklyn...

I just wanted to write and wish everyone a Happy Holiday season. I probably won't put up any new crap until after the new year. So, to all my friends, family, and readers...

MERRY CHRISTMAS
HAPPY HANUKKAH
JOYOUS KWANZAA
HAPPY NEW YEAR

And, blessings and love for any other celebrations you enjoy. Mr. Plow loves you!

The Amy Awards

So, I know that my multitude of fans are waiting for the 6th Annual Amy Awards. But, until the transit strike lets up I will not be able to see all the movies I want to. So, I will probably not be able to put them out until late January.
If the transit strike lasts longer, then a lawsuit will be filed by Mr. Plow because they are ruining my blog.

'Tis the Season

So, it's almost Christmas. And, to quote Andy Williams "It's the most wonderful time of the year." I love the holidays. Gifts, trees, lights, food, it's all good. But, for me the toppper of Christmas is the music. I wanted to give everyone with a CD burner of iPod can make the perfect mix for the holidays. These are just a few of my favorites.

• This Christmas Donny Hathaway
• All I Want for Christmas is You Mariah Carey (the song Phil Spector wishes he did)
• Baby, Please Come Home Darlene Love (the song Phil Spector blessed us with)
• Merry Christmas Otis Redding
• Oh Holy Night any artist (just make sure they nail the "fall on your knees" part)
• Christmas in Hollis Run DMC ("It's Christmas time in Hollis Queens/ Mom's cookin' chicken and collard greens")
• Santa Claus is Coming to Town Bruce Springsteen (accept no substitutes)
• What Christmas Means to Me Stevie Wonder
• Last Christmas WHAM!
• Christmas Time is Here/Linus and Lucy (you know it and love it, always gets me ready to dance)
• Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time Wings
• So, This is Christmas John Lennon
• Gee Whiz, it's Christmas Carla Thomas
• Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth David Bowie and Bing Crosby (always makes me chuckle and is actually a beautiful song)

So, I hope this gets you nice and Christmased up! Happy Holidays to all of my buddies, the readers, and this whole dysfunctional but lovable country I call home.

Masters of Horror and Biting Social Commentary?

Believe it! Have you ever wanted to see Ann Coulter (or her stand-in) get shot in the head? Have you ever wanted to see Karl Rove (or his stand-in) get his face pulled off by a zombie, then "Homecoming" directed by Joe Dante on the Showtime series "Masters of Horror" is for you. The plot and review will come soon. But, first I want to educate those of you who don't know about Mr. Joe Dante.
Joe Dante has been working consistently since the 1970's. He is not what is called a "profitable" director. He has been lucky to have friends that include Steven Spielberg, Robert Zemeckis, and John Landis. His biggest benefactor has been Spielberg who has had him direct a segment for the Twilight Zone film and the revival of the show. For those who don't know he directed the segment featuring the boy who controlled his happy family through his mind.
As a director Joe Dante has only made three films I would consider sweet,"Innerspace", the nostalgia film "Matinee" where he paid homage to William Castle and "Looney Tunes: Back in Action" where he honored another of his influences Frank Tashlin and the Warner Bros. cartoon factory. Other than that, his career is filled with dark comedy disguised as horror or fantasy. A brief list of his work; "Gremlins", "Gremlins 2", "Small Soldiers", "The Howling", and "Piranha". All of these films revel in uncovering the hypocrisy and treachery of small town life.
He loves working with many classic B-movie actors and frequently uses Dick Miller (RIP), Robert Picardo, and Wendy Schaal who was in his biggest hit "The Burbs".
Having Spielberg as a friend got many of his films produced and kept him working with "Amazing Stories" and "Twilight Zone".
With the new "Masters of Horror" show on Showtime Dante continues to work as a social commentator, but with more anger than usual. It is going to be replayed throughout the month and is available on demand if you have that option. The show is about this current war and how Republicans say they speak for the dead soldiers and how they know what they feel. Unfortunately, the Republicans in this film couldn't be more off-base. The soldiers come back to stop the war. They want to vote.
The best part is at first the Jerry Falwell stand-in praises this as a miracle to show the president's power and the Republican powers want them to vote, they're soldiers right? Hahahahahahahaha! These soldiers vote only for those willing to end the war. They are then spun as demonic, diseased, etc. This film pulls no punches.
Parents of soldiers, other soldiers, and those against the war are spared. Republicans and war mongers are zombie bait. Fantastic!
This movie is strident and very angry. It is a call to arms for those who refuse to believe that this war is fought for good and that we truly support our soldiers. All people who say they "support the troops" should support them and see this film. It's also a good way for those of us who really hate this administration to see Falwell, Coulter, Rove, and McClellan get exactly what they deserve from the people they claim to love.

Watch this Space

I want to apologize to my myriad of fans. This site will be back on top with all your pop-culture needs very soon. I have been busy with things and had a little bit of the winter blahs. But, I promise that starting next week we will be back to my meth induced levels of two weekly columns. So, be patient. I have a lot to say.

The Greatest Song Lyric Ever

"Making there way/ The only way they know how/
But's that's just a little bit more/ Than the law will allow"
-Waylon Jennings "Good Old Boys"

Desperate Housewives

Okay, so I'm still watching Desperate Housewives. But, the first three episodes of this season were brutal. They were not funny, there was no through line, and all the characters were distortions of their first season selves. But, they took two weeks off and something happened. That something was Marc Cherry took back major writing duties. Almost the entire first season was written by him. This season he had a team of writers. Much in the way VC Andrews books drop off amazingly after "Flowers in the Attic", Desperate Housewives fell off as well. But, VC Andrews died and couldn't take back over. Marc Cherry has.
The show has started moving at a good pace, the Applewhite family has been integrated more into the plot. And, even with the staff, Cherry has decided to have a more involved hand in the development of scripts and plots.
Some people have a singular vision and they can shepherd a show. Joss Whedon, Alan Ball, and now Marc Cherry. But, this vision only works when the creator stays involved in the show. I'm personally begging Cherry to keep working hard.
But, with Desperate Housewives back on track I am hopeful for several things. The last episode was the best of the new season. There were cameos by classic soap actors (Linda Dano, Maree Cheatham), a stair fall miscarriage, and a murder on an overpass. Taking it back to the roots of soap opera and also playing with those roots. It was well done and made me feel like a soap opera watcher. And, I hope it bodes well for the rest of the season.
And, off topic. But, the Applewhite son not in the basement is HOT!!!! Hopefully, they're will be some jungle fever on the show.

Morning Bloody Television

So with my new life as a freelancer, part-time teacher, and all-around raconteur I have been spending a lot more time watching television in the morning. Everyone that knows me knows that I love television. A lot of it is crap, but some of the best is amazing. Television, unlike any other form, can sustain a story for years. Hour-long dramas can continue a neverending arc. Look at current shows like "Lost" and "Desperate Housewives" create stories that thread in and out and work at achieving tension and audience empathy. Former shows like "6ft Under" worked hard to create an almost novelistic approach and when it was over you felt like you had read a great sprawling novel like "The Corrections", "The Magnificent Ambersons", or "Fortress of Solitude". There are also sit-coms like "Scrubs" and "Arrested Development" that play with the form and change the expectations of viewers there are also traditional sit-coms like "King of Queens" and "Everybody Hates Chris" that are good by writing well and having good acting.
So, why did I just tell you all that? To lament the craptacular state of affairs that is morning television or to quote Patsy Stone from AbFab "morning bloody television". Man, it is bleak. Now "Ellen" is the exception. It is a fun talk show with a variety of guests and Ellen is really great at hosting a talk show. But, it is still a plain old show. There are trashy talk shows, decorating shows, and cooking shows. Now I enjoy Clean House for the sassiness of Niecy Nash, the only person to be in an Altman movie, Reno 911!, and to have her own Style Network TV show. But, so much of it annoying. I watch "The View" for the hot topics because I enjoy feeling like a housewife and I have a little crush on Meredith Viera. Too bad that Star Jones is possibly the most annoying woman in America.
All of this is leading to the ultimate trainwreck..."Starting Over". This is a reality show featuring women who need to, as the title says, Start Over. So, they have life coaches. Yeah, I want this job. You just tell people to get a job, love themselves, etc. And then the people get in touch with themselves and cry. It's like a sham of a real job. And, for me, there is nothing better than watching women with goals like "learn to love themselves", "create an identity away from husband", "repair broken relationships" try to achieve these goals. How do you achieve a goal that has no real answer?
Needless to say, "The View" is almost starting so I'll have to bid all of you adieu.

The Sad Ballad of Terrell Owens

This is just a quick little post. I'll have something longer later. But, I want to talk about the biggest wasted potential in football, Terrell Owens. He cannot play for the rest of the season. His team and fans of the team would rather lose than play with him. He has spent the past day apologizing and no one believes him. His agent, Drew Rosenhaus has dug a grave for Terrell and possibly for himself.
All season and for most of his career Terrell has lacked tact as much as he has had talent. His body is a muscular freak of nature. He is probably the best trained athlete and his body fat is something like negative 10. He could run, break tackles, and generally create scores. But, with his scoring came an almost deadly personality. His problems with others can go back to his troubled youth. But, that excuse stopped working this past season.
Not one person doubts his talent. Right now you are reading this sad post from a woman who loved his antics. When he took the pom-poms and celebrated, I told everyone how much I loved him. It's getting harder to say that.
I feel bad that he will never have the career he should have. Hopefully, the desperate antics of Drew Rosenhaus have ruined him. He is a cancer and does nothing but hurt his athletes. Congrats Drew, you blew it. Congrats Terrell, you ruined your life. Isn't football great?

New Look Knicks

Today I went to my first Knicks game of the season. Everything is being advertised as the "New Look Knicks". Excluding Stephon Marbury they are completely new look. They lost today in a heartbreaking game. They were down by 13, then went up by six, then down by five. They ended up losing by one basket. A heartbreaker. But, there were glimmers. In the standard Amy style, I will share my first thoughts about the Knicks.

• Stephon Marbury made some great plays. However, I'm not sure how long he will work with Larry Brown. I have the tradewatch starting ten games into the season.
• Eddy Curry could have a great season. He's a little chunkier than I like to see a basketball player, but he plays with heart, is super strong, and has good footwork for a big guy. He could make the leap this year. My hubby called him the new Larry Johnson. FYI- That's a compliment in this house.
• David Lee is a horrible shooter. That said, his smart plays, tough defense, and movement that make him useful on the court. He also had a monster dunk. And white guys dunking is always good for a few laughs.
• Nate Robinson is a rookie who has been in NYC all of five minutes. Yet, he has won over the city. He is one of the fastest players I've seen. In fact, he's way too fast for the Knicks. But, he moves, dunks, and makes smart passes. And, it seems like Larry Brown likes him. That's a good thing.
• And finally, Channing Frye is a tremendous player. He makes smart moves, is unselfish, and seems to find shots when needed. He is tall, thin, and graceful. He has a pretty good all-around game and after getting used to a pro season he could be a real breakout.

So, meet the Knicks! They might not be great this year. But, they seem poised to make the leap. Hopefully Larry stays long enough to help them.

Amy's Movie Reviews

I know, I know you're wondering, "Amy, why haven't you written many movie reviews? We know you love movies." Well, I haven't been seeing as many movies as I like. Sports, theater, and the stresses of work for me and Joe, the movies have been fewer. We're going to try to see a few this weekend and try to catch up. But, here are some reviews of the last few things I have seen.

• A History of Violence (dir. David Cronenberg) Formally structured this film is well made and acted well. Viggo Mortensen is sexy in an off kilter way. The story keeps you thinking. However, it's not that engaging. You feel distanced from the action. The message in the story and the formalism makes it critic bate. But, I don't think many people are going to really enjoy it.
• Wallace and Gromit: The Mystery of the Were-Rabbit (dir. Nick Park) So great. I love animation and especially animation that tries new things. Both stop motion and claymation add a layer of expressiveness that traditional and computer animation cannot touch. The story is very cute and funny. There are jokes for kids and adults and the rabbits are too cute. Check it out.
• Roll Bounce (dir. Malcolm Lee) I loved this movie! Corny and small in scope, the film delivers. Charlie Murphy and Mike Epps bring some nice comic touches and Chi McBride is great as the father who tries to hold on after the death of his wife. The film has a positive message and the skating and music are great. I think that Bow Wow is not much of an actual "actor", but he has real charisma on screen.
• Good Night and Good Luck (dir. George Clooney) George Clooney is my dream man; sexy, talented, an old school liberal and very funny. This film is a labor of love for him and it shows. He loves the news and reporting. I'm sure his dad had a lot to do with that. The film is shot is a no-frills black and white style. When you watch it, you feel like it was actually made in the 1950's. Not the greatest story, but an important one.
• Stay (dir. Marc Foster) An interesting and well-directed film. The plot will keep you guessing. I won't give anything away, but to say that you will have several reactions that you won't find out are wrong until the end. The acting is very good and the music will haunt you for days. I was a little disappointed in the ending. I wanted something a little more supernatural. However, worth checking out to give your brain a workout.

I hope that these reviews tide you over until I can come up with something else. I will also be writing about some of the crappy TV I've had to watch while I work part-time.

Shout Outs

Just back from a big night of comedy and standing in Times Square passing out fliers. But, I wanted to give some love to my homies. You can't see it but I just poured out my 40.

Congratulations on my sister and her new husband for tying the knot!
Happy 38th birthday Dale!
Happy 30th birthday to me.
Josh- thanks for helping me so much. Holla!

Soul Jazz Records

Soul Jazz Records, for those of you who might not know, is the go to label for self-loathing white hipsters. As a self-loathing white hipster I devour their collections. In the past year I've bought four and recently just bought three at once. I recommend these albums to anyone who enjoys soul music pre-1980.

Soul Gospel: A collection of religious themed songs recorded by religious artists (Della Reese, The Staples) or religious themed songs by secular artists (Aretha Franklin, Odette) The songs are really great and there are plenty of unknown artists for the casual listener. Quality music in a variety of styles.

Philadelphia Roots: A collection of pre-Gamble and Huff "Philly Sound" recordings. You can hear that disco and soul sound that Philly became famed for in its fetal stages. People's Choice has two songs on the compilation that really bounce. This is a CD perfect for parties and really gets your foot tapping.

The Chicago Sound: This is a compilation of music from Chess Records. Chess was a 1960's label focusing on blues/soul acts. Muddy Waters, Etta James, and lesser known artists are all on this compilation. After hearing Howlin' Wolf's "Evil" I'm amazed that Eric Clapton can act like he's an innovator. Many people will think this is a Cream outtake.

British Hustle: Did you know in England there was a whole disco revolution? I didn't. But, this compilation was filled with some really great music. Fans of modern deep house (MKL, Dimitri from Paris, Larry Levan) will enjoy the smooth singing and wonderful arrangements on this CD. The songs have a dance tempo but a laid back vibe.

Most of these CD's are available at your local snobby music store. They should also be found at www.amazon.com, www.amazon.co.uk, www.souljazzrecords.co.uk, and www.soundsoftheuniverse.com. Check any of their comps out, you will not be disappointed.

Football Notes

As football season gets close to the halfway mark I wanted to give a shout out to the Bengals! Wow, 5-1 and looking better every week. Carson Palmer is a great QB, but Chad Johnson has swagger and personality. These things were lacking for too long. The team is gelling and Marvin Lewis has been given time to make the team better. Kudos to Cincy for being patient and letting the team become winners. I see good things in their future.

The Pats don't look so great and their wins have looked meh to me. ESPN and the sports writers have been furiously trying to act like they are still good. The AFC is super strong this season and they look scared and falling apart. Maybe hobbits don't make such great coaches.

Although their records aren't great, Pittsburgh and San Diego are good teams that have tough losses and some really good wins. If they hit some lucky spots, they have a great chance to make some noise, but they have to stay healthy and really work on getting some wins.

Just started basketball tickets, I'll get to talking about those soon.

Upcoming Shows...

10/26 NY Comedy Club (24th Street and 2nd Avenue) 9pm
Industry Showcase Price TBA

Words of Wisdom

"Be a spirit, not a ghost" -Amiri Baraka in 'Bulworth'

Recommended Blogs

I'm still trying to learn html and how to paste. For now, here is a list of my favorite blogs:

http://blaggblogg.blogspot.com

http://trent.blogspot.com

http://noushineh.blogspot.com

http://joshthecomedian.blogspot.com

http://jackiecaldwell.blogspot.com

The Search for Authenticity

Most white girls between the ages of 12-17 goes through a few common phases. There is the vampire phase usually brought on by prolonged exposure to Anne Rice. Another literary phase is the V.C. Andrews phase where many girls discover dark, dangerous taboo sex for the first time. (Sofia Coppola's first film was a short called 'Lick the Star' based on a clique with an extreme love of V.C.'s work.) Most white girls also go through a folkie phase where they begin listening to James Taylor, Joni Mitchell, and Cat Stevens. Extra hip girls might also explore Nick Drake and Laura Nyro. The final phase is the one I want to focus on. It's the Janis Joplin phase.

To me, the Janis Joplin phase is the most interesting because it directly relates to the common white search for authenticity. The reason rap is purchased mainly by whites is that is poses as "real". Many whites feel they have no "real" to them. They are always looking for an experience to create a true self. Extreme sports are, to me, a manifestation of this. The reason rap/rock was so big for a time is that it helped whites add their own layer to a genre they coveted. Eminem is the ultimate distillation of this authenticity.

But, back to Janis Joplin. For many young white girls, she is as close to a soul sister as we are going to get. Her singing style is traditional. The screeching throws many off, but many of the female blues artists had a similar style. Joplin herself only listened to classic blues and jazz growing up. Her goal as an artist was to foster the blues in the 1960's. Check out Monterey Pop and see Otis blow the hippies minds while Janis nods and smiles. She already got it. For many, she became the bridge to the blues.

Every few years I check out my Janis CDs. I always feel like without her I never would have been inspired to check out Bessie Smith, Dinah Washington, Billie Holiday, Etta James, and many others. Janis helped me learn that the musical tree of rock has many roots.

Upcoming Shows

October 11th @ 7:30pm HA! Comedy Club
October 13th @ 7:30pm and 9:30pm HA! Comedy Club

Come on down and check it out!

Amy's Theory of Hip-Hop

Much like my theory of soap operas, I have a theory on why rap has always been stronger in certain areas and not in others.

The basic key to hip-hop is mixing. Mixing sounds, styles, people, etc. The reason it grew in New York is because NYC is one of the world's most diverse and mixed cities. Rap got played in Harlem, the Bronx, and downtown punk clubs. Artists like Blondie worked in the genre and used many of its sounds. The Tom Tom Club's "Genius of Love" is one of the most highly sampled songs ever. Two members of the art rock Talking Heads created that song.

I believe that areas with strong segregation either take longer to gain hip-hop (Chicago, Atlanta, Houston) or the areas are so sparsely populated that they never make any hip-hop of note.

Like NYC, Los Angels is a city with a variety of people, but it is more segregated therefore it took longer for rap to ferment there. The art of sampling means the DJ needs to know lots of music. The music needs to be mixed like the audience.

All of this trickles down to the fact that the vast majority of this country listens to music they could never create because they never mix with the other. To me, the real tragedy is that these people don't see what rap really brings and that is union. Like George Clinton said, "Free your kind and your ass will follow." If only the masses would listen.

I Apologize

Sorry about the size of the picture. I'm new to all this fancy computer stuff. I'm just a poor country lawyer.

From now on the blog will be updated twice a week. I hope you enjoy what you read.

Available for parties, bar mitzvahs, and no limit Texas hold 'em tournaments. 

The Last Few Movies I've Seen...

I can actually recommend. The end of summer was brutal with very little to see. However, I can recommend the last few films I've seen. And, I think things are going to get a lot better.

Recommended:
Grizzly Man- A very odd, closeted (possibly) hippie tries to get close to nature. Nature responds by eating him. Amazing footage of real nature, not sugar coated Discovery Channel crap. Werner Herzog directs the film very minimally, but his very German narration (where Timothy saw beauty and order in nature, I saw only death and chaos) is some of the funniest stuff in the movie. Also, two bears fight so hard that one of them takes a huge dump in the middle of the fight.

Broken Flowers- A slight story with some really great acting. Geoffrey Wright and Bill Murray need to make several films together, preferably as these characters. Their scenes are so well-acted and real that the rest of the movie is fine, not great. As all the women in his life Sharon Stone and Frances Conroy stand out. It's nice to see real women the lead actors own age engage in scenes together.

The 40 Year Old Virgin- So funny and a really well-written story. Wedding Crashers made me laugh, a lot. But, the 40 year old Virgin has heart and a nice story that bookends the jokes. The acting is great and Paul Rudd and Romany Malco shine as two of the friends. The physical humor is good, but the writing is also good. The scene involving Michael McDonald's concert footage is hilarious and sets the tone for this very funny movie.

Lord of War- Brooklyn Locales? Check! Interpol Agents? Check! Coke binges? Check! African Dictators? Check! Everything I want in a movie was here. There are funny scenes, but for the most part, this is a serious film about what goes on all over the world while we pretend it doesn't. Brutal in places and very sad in others. Many people in America should see this movie. It won't change the world, but it could change a person's mind.

An Open Letter to Missy Elliot

Dear Missy,
Holla! It's me Amy. I just wanted to write and let you know how I feel about your new album "The Cookbook". Girl, you know I love you. I have all your albums on my iPod. But, this new album is 50% good and 50% horrible. Now, everyone knows I love when hip-hop stretches. But, don't take this the wrong way...STOP SINGING!!!!!
When you make a club banger you are the tops. Your experimental sound, use of rhythm, and cutting edge guest stars make your songs ready for a spin. But, on your new album there is maybe five songs ready for the club (Partytime, Lose Control, We Run This, Mommy, and Bad Man) and these five songs tear the roof off. "Bad Man" is a dancehall classic and featuring new grime mistress M.I.A. was a typically savvy move.
But, songs about cheating and your man and sex, that is not what your fans want Missy. I'm sorry. Most of your fans like the bangers. I like bangers! Please stop trying to be the Queen of the Quiet Storm. Be the queen of dance, your rightful throne.

Sincerely,
Amy

All She Ever Wanted

So, I have some actual articles I want to write. But, I'm starting with this frothy brew. I watched possibly one of the most bizarre Lifetime movies I have ever seen. The film was titled "All She Ever Wanted" and features James Marshall (post Twin Peaks, Few Good Men, Gladiator) and Marcia Cross (at her Kimberly Shaw apex).
So, the movie is about a couple who want a child. The wife (La Cross) is severely bi-polar and takes lithium. She decides to go off of lithium to have a child. I will just briefly say that shenanigans ensue. She's manic and sexy and painting. She's depressed and mopey and wearing a big sweater. It's an amazing job. And, like most husbands in Lifetime films this one is completely ill equipped to do anything other than stammer and try to talk her down. The film is extremely convoluted for a one hour and 45 minute movie. La Cross is hospitalized, forced on a feeding tube, almost forced to have an abortion, flashes back to her younger brother's drowning, and in the end loses her baby and goes back on lithium. Wow.
So, I started watching for La Cross and stayed for the bi-polar. I was not disappointed. Marcia Cross gave her typical demented and OTT performance that somehow works. But, the movie was just so bizarre and random that it in no way helps someone understand mental illness. It does however shed light on big sweaters as appropriate attire in a loony bin.

Upcoming Amy Events (mark your calendars)

Friday September 30th at 7pm Comedy Cellar (Bleeker Street in the Village, off of W. 4th)
To RSVP call Erik at 646-296-9576
5 bucks and two drinks!

Saturday October 1st at 5:30pm UCB Theater (26th Street and 8th Ave., near Gristedes)
No RSVP
5 bucks and drinks are up to you!

Wednesday October 5th at 7pm Laugh Lounge (151 Essex Street, LES)
Call Club for Reservations 212-614-2500
Price TBD!

Hilarity and shenanigans are sure to ensue.

Katrina Fatigue

Between the fundraiser and toys program I have not had a lot of time to write. I will have some stuff soon. Tragedy, real ones, make it hard for me to write. But, I'll be back in the saddle next week.

I Just Wanna Celebrate (Another Day of Living)

6ft. Under ended last night. Possibly my favorite show of the past five years (excluding Scrubs and Arrested Development) followed a group of flawed and incredibly realistic people. I am still sad and a little teary from last night's final episode. I just wanted to share a few thoughts in my ever popular bullet point style. I feel that this show will be greatly missed and that television might not ever do better to me.

Thoughts:

• So, David finally learns to love himself the way Keith has always loved him.
• I applaud the show for its attitude about adoption. It can be hard, but the process is probably the most rewarding thing you'll do.
• Anthony and Durrell ended up being the Sons of "Fisher and Sons". And they both ended up as happy as their dads.
• The new American family is gay, minority, multi-marriage, and not vanilla.
• Claire's blindness at the end was nicely forshadowed by the use of the show "Just Shoot Me" (about fashion photography) and the song "Doctor my Eyes".
• Billy finally talked Brenda to death, and the humor of her death was a nice palette cleanser.
• Keith's death was tragic, but he got his dream of his own security company and had many years to have the family he always wanted.
• The ambiguity of the ending helped so that we could create our own stories for the character and for the characters whose names were not in the lead credits.
• Claire's journey was the essence of the show and her changes were always real and always funny.
• I will probably have more later, but this ending had a roomful of adults sobbing last night. I felt like the show gave me everything I wanted, including a weird Peter Krause music video.

Go Ask Alice

So, kids are getting their required reading and several schools are requiring "Go Ask Alice" by Anonymous (aka Beatrice Sparks, RN). This book was dated when I read it. Full disclosure, the reason I hate hippies is that I used to be one. Not a dirty hippie, just a generic peace and love and classic rock hippie. So, I read "Go Ask Alice" because it was about a square girl who becomes a hippie acid freak.
So, the whole gimmick of the book was that this girl who became a drug addict and dealer and delinquent tried to get her life together and then ended up relapsing. She died and we all go to read her "found" diary. I later found out through various sources that "Go Ask Alice" was a completely fictional book written by a nurse to keep kids off drugs.
I picture kids in Harlem who are being assigned this book basically laughing and saying "crazy white girl" as they try to understand the dated slang, descriptions, and various old fashioned drugs. It seems like the dumbest book to read. But, don't get me started on the school that had "Flowers in the Attic" on their required reading list.

The Smells of Summer

I have the distinct pleasure of working in Harlem in the summer. The thing that really sets it all off nicely, not the fat Spanish guys in tank tops, is the smell. Because Harlem is a (cough,cough) under-served neighborhood, the trash usually forms into a nice living sculpture. And, with the heat languishing at the stately 170 degrees its been for the past few weeks, the garbage is fermenting on schedule.
The mix of Chinese, chicken, and fast food, mixed with diapers, old milk, and other garbage stand-bys has made this a summer my olfactory senses could not have imagined.
Whiff it, it's the smell of summer.

Recommended Reading

I just thought I would place a small list (5) of books that I've read over the past year that have been really great.

Jonathan Lethem The Fortress of Solitude
Curtis Sittenfield Prep
JK Rowling Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Charles Barkley Who's Afraid of a Large Black Man?
Jonathan Leland Hip: A History

Songs I Wish Were Written About Me...

I Need Love (LL Cool J)- The ultimate couple's skate song at the roller rink. A heartfelt and touching song. To be the girl that could melt a tough guy's heart so thoroughly, is an amazing thing.

Something/Layla (George Harrison/Eric Clapton)- A 2 for 1. Who wouldn't want to be Patti Hansen getting two songs written about them? And, two amazing songs written about them? Two really great songs in totally different styles.

Lay Lady Lay (Bob Dylan)- Dylan is the ultimate "hey babe, I wrote this song just for you" guy. But what girl wouldn't melt to "his clothes are dirty but his hands are clean/ and your the best thing that he's ever seen"?

When I Fall in Love (it will be forever) (Stevie Wonder)- Stevie wrote a lot of really beautiful songs and My Cherie Amour is just as good, but nothing makes me swoon like this one.

Wild Horses (Jagger/Richards)- This also ties with Beast of Burden. The Stones wrote some amazingly misogynistic songs like "Brown Sugar" and "Under my Thumb" but this one is a beauty and the lyrics with Mick's fake black dude voice is stunning.

Tiny Dancer (Bernie Taupin)- A song about a groupie. But, the best groupie. The lyrics are not really romantic, but the feeling the song evokes makes you want to be this girl.

Real Sports...

I need real sports. I HATE baseball. Basketball, Soccer, Football, Tennis, The Olympics. All of these are so much better than baseball. In fact, to me baseball is a series of skills. You only have to be good at one of them. Pitchers are not expected to hit, the good hitters with bad bag skills are sent to the outfield, and base players have to be average at everything. So, yawn, I'm already tired of talking about this.

I also feel that golf is a series of skills that are needed, as is NASCAR, but neither is really a sport, I compare them to pool, darts, poker, spelling bees, World's Strongest Man Competitions, and the like. These are all skills that win prizes not actual sports.

The Most Awesome News!!!

So, I'm starting a HILARIOUS new web page for all your Amy needs.

http://www.geocities.com/amypatrick/AmyPatrick.html


Check it Out kiddies!

Best Music Videos...Ever...

So, I was thinking about this on my way to work today. Here's a list of, to me, the best music videos ever. I will put the bands name and the song and the director if I know it.

• Closer NIN Dir. Mark Romanek
• Criminal Fiona Apple Dir. Mark Romanek
• Praise You Fatboy Slim Dir. Spike Jonze
• Sabatoge Beastie Boys Dir. Spike Jonze
• Bittersweet Symphony The Verve Dir. Walter Stern
• Freedom 90 George Michael Dir. David Fincher
• High and Dry Radiohead Dir. Jamie Thaves
• You Did it to Yourself Dir. Jamie Thaves
• It's Oh So Quiet Bjork Dir. Spike Jonze
• California Love Dr. Dre/Tupac Dir. Hype Williams
• All About the Benjamins(remix) Dir. Spike Jonze
• Stan Eminem Dir. Phillip Atwell
• Fly Foo Fighters Dir. Michele Gondry
• What's My Name? Snoop Dogg Dir. Dr. Dre
• 99 Problems Jay Z Dir. Mark Romanek

Everything I Need to Know About Life...

I learned from Martin Scorsese.

• The smallest guy in the room is the one with the most issues, don't mess with him unless you want a shot to the knee or a pen to the neck.
• If you hear the strains of Eric Clapton...run away something bad is going to happen, probably to you.
• In fact, also be on the look out for "All Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix. Nothing good ever came of that song either.
• Heroes are tragically flawed and need a strong dose of Catholic redemption.
• Life is full of compromise and you will be forced to make those compromises.
• Everyone should have a colorful nickname.
• Whether you are the Dalai Lama, Howard Hughes, a low level thug, or coke head, the course of true love will not run smooth. In fact, most people will break your hearts.

What have you learned from Martin Scorsese?

Sandra Day O'Connor

The Honorable Sandra Day O'Connor has just retired from the Supreme Court. O'Connor is the first female jusge on the Supreme Court and is probably the most legally savvy. She was never one to write opinions or dissents, but many times her vote was 5-4 winner that was needed. O'Connor was a classic conservative and followed the rule of law. Following law creates ones beliefs to fall into line with moral relativism. Unfortunately, many Christian Consveratives do not undertsand this.
O'Connor never legislated her values from the bench. She believed in the Constitution as a valueable part of our lives, but as also a living document that did not die in 1776 and was not the sole province of the founding fathers.
All of us should remember O'Connor for her hard work on hard issues. As we slip farther away from other nations and closer to our "enemies" in theocracies, I hope all involved in the choosing of her replacement remember this.
And Gonzalez is Spanish for "Souter". Keep your fingers crossed.

I Rarely,,,

I rarely talk about myself in these posts because I'm pretty sure noone cares about me, they just love my doggy style.
But, things are starting to heat up outside and for me. By this October I will either take a leave of absence from the library or I will just leave the library to focus on my writing and my comedy. Joe is probably the most supportive man in the world and I thank him for letting me take this chance. We'll see what happens.
I'll be back with more pop culture stuff soon.

Hilarity Ensuing Soon!

So-
I'm trying to put together an actual show in Brooklyn. I want to do something that feeds off of the vibe at the Village Lantern. We'll see. If any comics in NYC read this blog and want to help me get this started, let me know.
An actual post talking about something coming soon.

Destiny's Child R.I.P.

So, Destiny's Child has officially broken up and this tour is their last. They said they wanted to end on an up note. And, I actually believe them. Unlike, The Supremes, who they are always compared to there are several differences:

• Beyonce is a stronger singer than Diana Ross and is as good of an actress. Luckily her big movie musical moment coming in 2006 is better suited to her age than The Wiz was for Dirty Diana.
• Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland have made more money independent of the band than Mary Wilson or Flo Ballard ever did. They have done films, theater, and solo albums.
• The Knowles family is not Berry Gordy and have a much better reputation for their client management and not known to steal money.

So, I wish them the best. I am a huge fan. In fact I just got my tickets for Madison Square Garden in July. I will be there wishing them luck.

Underrated Bands

So, here's the deal. I am looking just at the talent in the band. Units sold or lyrical content does not matter. Some of these bands are huge, but never got respect but others were genre or small niche markets. These are five that I think may be the most underrated.

In No Particular Order:
Duran Duran- Their new romantic look and really dumb songs (Rio anyone?) made them seem like dumb preening boys. But, they had some really tight music and John Taylor was a really good guitarist. The production of Nile Rodgers gave them a dance sheen and enhanced their sound. The drum line in "Wild Boys" is propulsive and well done. Listen to them again without the 1980's baggage and the videos.

AC/DC- Talk about lyrical content sinking a groups standing. If AC/DC had decided to talk about something other than rocking, drinking, and pussy the musicianship of the band would have mattered. Angus Young is possibly the the greatest guitarist ever, certainly from Australia. He knew when to shred and when to just play solid support. Both Bryan Johnson and Bon Scott had voices that made you forget how dumb the lyrics were.

The Staple Singers- Working in a genres that usual get no respect for their guitar, soul and gospel, Pops Staple was one of the best soul guitarists ever. Excluding Curtis Mayfield, calm down people. Their big break to the pop charts never really happened so they never got the fan base they should have. The band as a whole was amazingly tight and their uplifting lyrics and beautiful singing of Mavis Staple has made them my Sunday morning staple (ha ha) for years.

Chic- Disco sucks. Possibly the most racist and homophobic statement uttered in defense of rock. Chic had great vocals and Nile Rodgers, but most importantly it had Bernard Edwards on bass. His beats and the break on "Good Times" made this band one of the most important to the rise of hip-hop. They also knew that disco could have "real" music and not just rely on studio tricks. Their songs were easy to sing along to and I bet right now your thinking about clams on the half shell and rollerskates...rollerskates.

Motley Crue- Vince Neil's voice and Tommy Lee's penis almost kept them off the list. However, the stellar play of Nikki Sixx and Mick Mars got them on here. Like AC/DC they had a shortage of lyrics you would call "intelligent", but they had a sense of fun and real talent. If they hadn't pissed it all away they might have done something. Bob Rock honed their admittedly sloppy sound and made their records almost as good as T-Rex. Yeah, I said it.

Upcoming Amy Events

This Week....

Tuesday at 8pm Village Lantern (hopefully) 167 Bleeker Street (btwn' Sullivan and Thompson)

Wednesday at 6pm Ha! Comedy Club 369 west 46th Street (near 9th Ave.)

Hopefully more to come!

Websites I Love

Here are a few of the websites I love to look at or have entertained me.

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com

http://www.theonion.com

http://www.sportsguy.net

http://www.viceland.com

http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com

Enjoy them all. Any suggestions? Add a comment.

I Haven't Forgotten About You...

My little chicklets, I have not forgotten about you. But, I have been super busy. I am currently doing the work thing and stand-up twice a week. Soon to be more. When I have information about it, I'll let you know.

But....upcoming

June 2nd at 6-8pm
NY Comedy Club
(24th Street and 2nd Avenue)
Be there!!!!!

Another Five Movies to Add to Your Netflix List

You know the drill...

1. Poolhall Junkies (dir. Mars Callahan) A really great character piece and one of the few movies that gets how characters on the fringes of society get down. Lots of great scenes and two great monologues for Rod Steiger and Chris Walken. About 4 people saw it. Let's try to get that number up to ten.
2. Get Over It (dir. Tommy O'Haver) A funny and exceptionally campy film about teen love. The teen love part is predictable. But, the background stories, Marc Shaiman's score, and Martin Short's amazing performance as Dr. Desmond Forrest Oates. Hilarious!
3. Wild Things (dir. John McNaughton) Forget about the threesome which is what the guys remember. The noir is nice and twisty and the acting is good. It's one of the few films to feature Florida well and play up the "Redneck Riviera" vibe. There is some great self-aware performances from Theresa Russell, Robert Wagner, and the immortal Robert Wagner.
4. Playing By Heart (dir. Willard Carroll) A romantic and funny Altmanesque look at three sisters and their romances. There are other characters involved and much of the story rings true. Angelina Jolie and Ryan Phillipe steal the movie with a tender story with Gena Rowlands and Sean Connery. Every Valentine's Day my husband and I watch it.
5. Blow (dir. Ted Demme) The true story of drug dealer George Jung that will bring a tear to your eye. The acting is first rate and the soundtrack rocks. The movie soft peddles Jung, but makes the point that like Rick James said, "cocaine is a hell of a drug."

Five More Movies to Add to Your Netflix

Here they come again...

Go (dir. Doug Liman)- Great cast, funny script, and some really memorable scenes. The whole rave thing is going to seem dated now, but the characters and their situations make the movie still entertaining.

Starship Troopers (dir. Paul Veerhoven)- An unfairly maligned movie that people thought praised facism, not denouncing facism. The use of Anglo actors with Latino surnames is part of the satire. Look for great ideas about media and how all of us could become part of a proto-Nazi movement. "Service equals citizenship."

The Limey (dir. Steven Sodebergh)- Funny, sad, and clever. Terrence Stamp gives an amazing performance. Luis Guzman, Peter Fonda, and Nicky Katt all deliver good support. The story is a traditional revenge tale, but told boldly.

Undercover Brother (dir. Malcolm Lee)- Hilarious! One of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Clever and dumb, that is hard to pull off. Dave Chappelle steals the show as "Conspiracy Brother" and there are scenes skewing racism that are still laugh out loud funny to me.

Wonder Boys (dir. Curtis Hanson)- What a great movie. My husband enjoys movies where there are characters we grow to love and live with. This is a very smart movie that accurately captures English and creative arts departments with their unprofessional mingling of students and teachers. Well shot and well acted.

Middlebrow: A Definition

So, here are my conditions on being middlebrow. Feel free to send your own.

• vegetarianism
• public television/history channel/discovery/etc.
• bumble and bumble haircuts
• whole foods
• woody allen movies
• the new york times
• belittling mtv/reality tv/popular shows
• life of pi
• golf
• herbal essences shampoo
• new york/new yorker magazines
• for the oldsters, M*A*S*H (the originator of middlebrow)
• Other Music

Five Movies to Add to Your Netflix

So, I've decided to give you five movies I enjoyed and maybe didn't get enough love. You should check them out. I'm gonna do this every week or so, so enjoy!

1. Nurse Betty (dir. Neil Labute)- One of the few movies to understand how a soap opera is made. I'm talking to you Soapdish and Tootsie. The acting is great and a solid supporting cast make this a comic and romantic film to try.
2. Kingpin (dir. The Farrelly Bros.)- One of my top 10 movies. I laugh every time I watch it. This movie is not as loved as Something About Mary, but it has some great performances and Bill Murray as Ernie Mcracken is another gem from him.
3. Gattaca (dir. Andrew Niccol)- Brave New World meets a 1940's film noir. This was Jude Law's big break and he is fabulous as is Alan Arkin and Uma Thurman. A lot of heady ideas are involved and it's a true testament to humanity.
4. Equilibrium (dir. Kurt Wimmer)- Not perfect, choppy, seems edited by committee. But, the fight scene are amazing and Christian Bale is quietly creating the most interesting filmography of his generation.
5. Grace of My Heart (dir. Allison Anders)- A movie for music geeks featuring characters based on Phil Spector, Brian Wilson, Carol King, et. al. A well done melodrama with some beautiful songs and a great central performance from Illeanna Douglas.

Oscar Thoughts

So, the Oscars have come and gone and I just have a few thoughts...

Chris Rock was hilarious. The Magic Johnson segment was hilarious.

"Russell Crowe does research on three weeks ago."

Johnny Depp looked crazy, but he rules so who cares.

Best Dressed: Hialry Swank, Beyonce, Cate Blanchett, and Salma Hayek.

The show was very nice and in general I was happy. Yay Charlie Kaufman!

Black History Month 3: The Enemy Strikes Black

"A rat done bit my sister Nell. (with Whitey on the moon)
Her face and arms began to swell. (and Whitey's on the moon)
I can't pay no doctor bill. (but Whitey's on the moon) Ten years from now I'll be payin' still. (while Whitey's on the moon)
The man jus' upped my rent las' night. ('cause Whitey's on the moon)
No hot water, no toilets, no lights. (but Whitey's on the moon)
I wonder why he's uppi' me? ('cause Whitey's on the moon?)
I wuz already payin' 'im fifty a week. (with Whitey on the moon)
Taxes takin' my whole damn check, Junkies makin' me a nervous wreck, The price of food is goin' up, An' as if all that shit wuzn't enough: A rat done bit my sister Nell. (with Whitey on the moon)
Her face an' arm began to swell. (but Whitey's on the moon)
Was all that money I made las' year (for Whitey on the moon?)
How come there ain't no money here? (Hmm! Whitey's on the moon)
Y'know I jus' 'bout had my fill (of Whitey on the moon)
I think I'll sen' these doctor bills, Airmail special (to Whitey on the moon)" -Gil Scott Heron

Black History Month 2: Electric Boogaloo

"Power condedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will. Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong that will be imposed upon them, and these will continue until they are resisted with either words or blows or with both. The limit of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress." -Frederick Douglass

"All racists are irresponsible." - James Baldwin

"I am America. I am the part you won't recognize. But get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me." -Muhammad Ali The Greatest (1975)

Black History Month...

Some quotes:

"A wise man once told me not to argue with fools, 'cause people from a distance can't tell who is who." -Jay-Z

"The true measure of a race can be judged by the character of its woman." -Mary Bethune Cookman

The Fifth Annual Amy Awards

Here they are. The fifth annual Amy Awards. Please remember that I currently do not get paid to see movies, so I missed a few. So, this list is based on what I saw and what I really liked. Enjoy the creamy goodness.

Best Movies-
1. Mean Girls
2. Spider-Man 2
3.Hero/House of Flying Daggers
4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
5. Kill Bill II
6. The Incredibles
7. Million Dollar Baby
8. Sideways
9. Garden State
10. Maria Full of Grace

Honorable Mention- Anchorman, Collateral, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, The Terminal, Bad Education, Vanity Fair, Shaun of the Dead

Favorite Male Performances- Tim Meadows, Daniel Franzese (Mean Girls), Mark Wahlberg (I Heart Huckabees), Dustin Hoffman (Meet the Fockers), Jamie Foxx (Ray), Paul Giamatti, Thomas Haden Church (Sideways), Gordon Liu (Kill Bill), Wil Ferrell (Anchorman), Morgan Freeman, Clint Eastwood (Million Dollar Baby), Neil Patrick Harris (Harold and Kumar), Brad Bird (Incredibles), Gael Garcia Bernal (Bad Education), Tobey Maguire, JK Simmons (Spider-Man 2)

Favorite Female Performances- Sanrad Oh, Virginia Madsen (Sideways), Hilary Swank (Million Dollar Baby), Daryl Hannah, Uma Thurman (Kill Bill), Catalina Moreno (Maria Full of Grace), Cate Blanchett (The Aviator), Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst (Eternal Sunshine), Natalie Portman (Garden State), Sharon Warren (Ray), Ziyi Zhang (House of Flying Daggers/Hero), Reese Witherspoon (Vanity Fair), Amy Poehler, Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)

Favorite Screenplays- Charlie Kaufman (Eternal Sunshine), Tina Fey (Mean Girls), Paul Haggis (Million Dollar Baby), Alvin Sergeant (Spider-Man 2), Quentin Tarantino (Kill Bill)

Favorite Directors- Quentin Tarantino (Kill Bill), Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine), Pedro Almodovor (Bad Education), Zach Braff (Garden State), David O'Russell (I Heart Huckabees)

Random Musings-
Team America had some of the best songs of all time, too bad the movie didn't live up to it.
I Heart Huckabees was not a complete success, but the ideas and the interesting visuals made it a movie more people should have tried. It was not as pretentious as it seemed.
Can someone make a scary Hollywood movie? Please?????
Wil Ferrell is a comic genius. Enough said.
The voice work in "The Incredibles", "Shrek 2" and by Alan Tudyck in "i, Robot" was fabulous. Maybe actors do better without their bodies?

Hope you enjoyed the list, send your comments.

Watch this Space...

5th Annual Amy Awards.

Coming next week. Get ready!

Random Musings...

Enough with the inaguration. I didn't get to see "The View", "Starting Over", and "AMC". Great! Thanks. At least I got to see "The People's Court". You may stop Reihnquist but you can't stop Marylin Milan.

Best Quote on I Love the 90's. "He's so old, he farted dust." Godfrey on Anna Nicole's husband.

In NYC, get Bread Papa and get the best cream puff ever.

So, I could watch I Love the 90's all day and night and that's what I'm doing.

Please watch "Life as We Know It". If it gets cancelled like "Freaks and Geeks", "Undeclared", and "My So-Called Life." I will hunt all of you down and stab you in the head with a fork.

What's the Matter With Gwen Stefani?

My answer, nothing. I will start all of this by saying that I am NOT a fan of No Doubt. I hated ska before they popped it up and I still hate it. But, I love the new solo album by Stefani entitles "Love Angel Music Baby". The album is a hodgepodge of styles and sounds. The whole thing is a sloppy kiss to the music she (and I) grew up on.

In the US, this album has not gotten loads of praise, but it has killed in Europe. It's easy to see why. Most Americans want sincere music, they hate camp, irony, or humor in music (look at Robbie Williams and The Darkness. Two really great sounds, that have not made it stateside or American acts like Rufus Wainright and Scissor Sisters who hangs on the edges.) The fluffy, poppy, and very "gay" sound turn off many. This knee jerk reaction is similar to disco hate. (Another topic for another time.)

Stefani's album has tracks that feel like PIL, Grease, Stetsasonic, Force MDs, and many songs you might remember skating too. I feel for this album immediately. Women ages 25-35 will have an affinity for the music here, its what you heard every Friday during All Skate.