Lady Porn

People are always looking for ways to arouse women. They talk about making porn for the ladies. Something seductive, something that is made with romance involved...Along with the DVDA. But, I already get aroused often. On a good week, maybe three times. What is the magical elixir that stirs my womanhood? Pottery Barn, J. Crew, and the Williams Sonoma catalogs.

These catalogs are what I call "Lady Porn". Watch a woman over the age of 25 look at these catalogs. Their face is flushed, there may be some inappropriate touching. Why? Why do women love it? Why do I love it? Let's look at each catalog and see what mysteries of the female mind they hold.

Williams Sonoma Catalog: The food in the catalog is always decadent (pound cake mix, ice cream sandwiches, etc.) and can be made at home! No need to feel guilty in public you make beautiful food at home in pretty appliances. The products are lux and have the air of fancy to them. And, never underestimate the power of a pannini press.

J. Crew Catalog: Yes, there are beautiful boys and skinny, smart looking girls. They are all laughing together and having a great time. But, their good looks are not the only thing that makes this catalog such a must. The clothes! Oh my Lord, they put together blue blazers, knit golf shirts, and rumpled khakis. Just imagine Toby Maguire in that outfit, or Djimon Hounsou, or John Stewart. Holy crap! I need a minute.

Pottery Barn Catalog: I went and saved the best for last. Pottery Barn. How can I describe it? What makes it such an object of lust? Could it be the upper middle class homes that are bedecked with antiqued telephone stands or the wrought iron beds with 1000 thread count sheets patterned in lilies of the valley. Maybe its the silver fans and black 1940's telephones and the leather ottomans or the armoires or the...I need a cigarette break.