Everyday when I walk down the street, I get asked, "Amy, do you have any advice for celebrities?" And I always answer in the affirmative. I have plenty of advice for today's shining stars.
To Wit:
For Claire Danes and Britney Spears- If the guy you are dating left his girlfriend who was eight months pregnant, he might not be the guy for you.
For Lindsay Lohan- Do not become Tara Reid's good friend. Tara is a cutie who was unable to getting roles in movies by Robert Altman and The Coen Brothers. She wasted her career partying. Do not follow her example. A lot of people like you.
To Edward Furlong- Please lose weight and stop thinking the shit you pulled at 14 was cute. It's not anymore.
To Natalie Portman- I forgot you could act until I saw "Garden State" please ponder that.
For Tara Reid- I love you, please try to get some work again. Making horror slop for Dimension is not the way to go.
For Courtney Love- Enough already. I am tired of defending you.
For Little Kim- Please stop trying to look like Donatella Versace.
That's all for now. But, if any celebs need advice, I'm here.
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