Happy Holidays

So, it's been a busy time for the Plow. School, work, Nets games, Aimee Mann holiday shows, supporting friends in their creative ventures, etc. Much like my good friends at 3 6 Mafia said, "It's hard out there for a pimp." And for a Plow, truer words have never been spoken.

Movies reviews, Nets reports, and the Aimee Mann holiday show review will be posted this weekend.

Everyone out there, have a happy holiday season and be ready for whatever 2007 brings.
Mazel Tov!

NJ Nets Report...

11/28/06 Nets Vs. Bobcats
So, I went to my 1st game of the season. I was actually excited to see the Bobcats. They are a young team who has made some smart decisions on draft day. Hopefully, in a few years they will actually be contenders. Sean May, Raymond Felton, and Adam Morrison all delivered. I'm not completely sold on Emeka Okafor. He is fould prone and already moves like Patrick Ewing cira 1994. So, his knees may be a problem. However, they played well together and beat the Nets. The Nets played spotty, made poor shot selection, and basically played like a team that had no chemistry. I'm a little worried for their chances.

12/5/06 Nets Vs. Mavericks
I was obviously worried for good reason. The fact that they were only down by 15 and I was surprised tells you how bad the Nets stunk up the place. They again, made horrible shot selection. Why do you have both of your seven-footers shooting 15-30 foot jumpers? Penetration should be what the Nets do. But, there were 2 bright spots. Make that three bright spots. Both UConn rookies Marcus Williams and Eddie House play like they want to win and bring real energy. However, they make a lot of rookie mistakes. My new favorite heart player is Mikki Moore. He is an 8 year vet who plays with heart and energy. He reminds me of long forgotten Rodney Buford who was a Net 2 years ago. I love when someone plays like they love the game and want to be there.
The highlight of the game was seeing Mark Cuban and letting him know that sticking it to the commish is his life's duty. I wish I had gotten a picture.

The Stories of My Life: 8th Grade Edition

During my holiday trip home, I got to see two of my closest and oldest friends. During the visit, I started thinking about all the ridiculous stories of my life and how they could entertain my readers. So, I thought today I would start from a gem from 8th grade.

In 8th grade I was a huge, snotty pain in the ass. This is no surprise to anyone who has ever met an 8th grader. They are miserable people with body issues, hormones, self-esteem drama, the whole package. But, I was all those things and a smart aleck with a pathological need to be right. Some would say I still have that need. But, that's for another day, stories of my life 30 year old edition.

In 8th grade one day, someone opened our English teacher's windows to cool the room off. Our teacher liked to keep the room at a toasty 98 degrees. So our class period was broken in half with lunch in the middle. During this time someone snuck in the room and opened the windows. When we got back the room was chilly, our teacher's mood was chillier.

She was furious. She wanted to know who did it. She began asking the entire class. I sat in the last seat in the room. I was close to the door. When you get sent out a lot, that makes it much easier to be banished. By the time the teacher got to me everyone had denied it. We were all close to facing detention. Some of my more gentle friends (i.e. Eroica) were not cut out for detention. I knew this. I also knew that detention was not a big deal and I could and had done it with both hands tied behind my back.

So, it got to me. No one was brave enough to admit guilt. I said I did it.

A transcript of the conversation as follows.
Teacher: Did you open the windows?
Me: If I say yes, does that get everyone else off the hook?
Teacher: Yes.
Me: And, I only get one day of detention?
Teacher: Yes.
Me: Then I did it.

At this point, I was asked to leave the room. I took my copy of Sassy and headed out into the hall. I didn't hear what happened after I left.

Eroica paraphrased the event for me:
"So, um, she said, you know, that she knew you didn't do it. She said she was, you know, like, ashamed of us. She said you were brave and a better person than the rest of us. Um...yeah."

So, I never served that detention. But, I had to write 100 sentences about not lying. No one ended up punished and my reputation was enhanced. So, basically, it was a win/win situation.

A Moment of Sielnce...

My favorite director, Robert Altman died today at 81. Watch one of his movies. He will be missed.
His movies were messy, indulgent, and many times amazing. He created his own adjective. Critcs use the term Altman-esque for any movie about losers or dreamers or any movie with a big cast.
No more from me as I am heading out for Thanksgiving. I just felt this needed to be posted.

LOS ANGELES -
SEARCHNews News Photos Images Web'
Robert Altman, the caustic and irreverent satirist behind "MASH," "Nashville" and "The Player" who made a career out of bucking Hollywood management and story conventions, died at a Los Angeles Hospital, his Sandcastle 5 Productions Company said Tuesday. He was 81.
The director died Monday night, Joshua Astrachan, a producer at Altman's Sandcastle 5 Productions in New York City, told The Associated Press.
The cause of death wasn't disclosed. A news release was expected later in the day, Astrachan said.

Amy's Movie Review A Palooza

Hi everybody! (Hi, Dr. Nick)
So, it's time to get you Maltin on as I review some of the movies I've seen over the past month.

The Prestige (dir. Christopher Nolan)
What is the nature of magic? What is the truth behind any trick? Not to sound pretentious, but this is the overarching theme of this great movie. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman give great performances. The script is smarter than most audiences, but if you happen to enjoy magic (esp. the magic of Ricky Jay) then nothing in the movie is that big of a surprise. The movie follows the three parts of a magic trick in the narrative of the story. There are double and triple crosses. I personally was a huge fan of the dueling journals. The ending will divide people based on their like or dislike of characters. But, the movie is well made, well acted, and exceptionally smart for Hollywood. Check it out if it's still at your local theater.

The Last King of Scotland (dir. Kevin Macdonald)
Who likes an African dictator? I do! Idi Amin is probably one of the most notorious dictators in modern history. He killed almost 300,000 of his own people and was believed to have eaten many of them. This movie tells his and his country's story by using an Scotsman who becomes Amin's doctor. The movie does a very smart thing in that we only see Amin's true colors when he becomes disillusioned. We are side by side with the narrarator and we are duped as much as he is. Forest Whittaker is amazing as Amin and will surely get an Oscar nom. Be on the look out for an unrecognizable Gillian Anderson. She's the one who looks like if someone hit Virginia Madsen with a bus. Woof.


Little Children (dir. Todd Field)
An amazing movie that is paced deliberately (read: slow) with a story about suburban 30-somethings who are unsatisfied. Now on top of that throw in the story of a newly released flasher, and finally add the voice of a PBS narrarator. Sounds pretentious as hell, doesn't it? Well, it was. It was also an amazing film with some great acting. Look for Jackie Earle Haley of Bad News Bears and Breaking Away fame to get an Oscar nomination for his performance in this film as the flasher. He is dispicable and heartbreaking at the same time. this is not a movie for everyone, but if you want some good acting and a story that hits home, then check out this film.

Running with Scissors (dir. Ryan Murphy)
This review will be exceptionally short. If you like the book, this movie is a glossy version of what you read on the page. So, your enjoyment of the movie will be in proportion to your enjoyment of the movie. Done and done.

Borat (dir. Larry Charles)
Do you enjoy laughing at homohpobes, racists, foreigners, and other idiots? Do you like disturbing and disgusting male nudity? then, Borat is the movie for you. Sacha Baron Cohen creates a character that's on part Mahir and one part Moliere. He's a complete innocent with backwards ways and small-minded opinions. The way people try to help him or share their secret hateful thoughts with him can be a quesy experience. But, you will also laugh harder than you have at anything recently. There are several types of humor in the film and they all hit the mark. The mix of highbrow and lowbrow is not novel, but it's handled well. And, the fact that the film never lets up on the "joke" of the documentary aspect helps amazingly.

A Nation Exhales...

To the delight of many and the sadness of few, Britney Spears filed for divorce from K-Fed (aka Kevin Federline).

She cited “irreconcilable differences”. Those differences mainly were paycheck related.

Oh well, good luck inseminating someone as rich and famous as Britney Spears again.

Whetting Your Palate...

Just an FYI-

This Thursday night I will be posting reviews of the following movies:

• Little Children
• Borat
• The Prestige
• The Last King of Scotland
• Running With Scissors

I know you're excited.

A Short Hiatus...

This site will be back with more fun, more writing, and more awesomeness very soon.
I promise.

One Door Closes...

and another door opens.

So, I had my audition at the Strip last night. It went fine. I got laughs and I did a set that does me well at most places. But, it didn't serve me at the audition.

I didn't pass.

And, honestly, I felt like I wasn't going to when I started. Everything I personally think about my comedy, Starla verbalized. She said some of my humor was a little mean. That I got laughs but never a huge laugh. My humor is not "traditional" enough for the club.

She did say that she remembered me. That she liked that I took her advice about my mic usage. But, that maybe I wasn't a good fit for the Strip. C'est la vie!

But, while I was there. I did some amazing writing with Adrienne Iapalucci. We had an amazing session and came upon something amazing. I feel like it could go somewhere.

So, even though the set was not what I wanted. The things that happened later made being there worthwhile.

And, I got to talk comic books and the amazing new show "Heroes" with my buddy Sim. And, that was kinda great too.

Finally, a shout out of love to Robin Fox who always makes me feel great. And, I hope Andrienne and I made her feel a little better last night!

Stupid Rap Analogies to Discuss Friendship

Everyone knows Josh Homer, he is considered the asshole of the Soapbox. But, to me he is just my friend and benefactor. I could have done comedic, literature, or film analogies. I decided to use rap.

I am the Rah Digga to his Busta Rhymes

I am theFergie to his Wil. I. Am.

I am the Beanie Siegal to his Jay-Z

I am the Goodie Mob to his Outkast

I am the Kenny Parker to his KRS-One

I am the Juelez Santana to his Cam'Ron

And, most importantly...
I am the Lil' Kim to his Biggie.

The Whitest Day of my Life

So, I spend lots of time trying to be a "cool" white person. I try to make strides, go places, and do things that help my people become a little less corny. I get very tired of the whole, "white people walk like this…" thing that is prevelent in comedy.

It was with this purpose I went to a Jamaican baby shower. And, it was with this one event that I was directly transported back to reality. I saw for myself just how white I am.

Let me set the scene: The invitation said 9pm. I had to go from Brooklyn to the Bronx. This required a train and a bus and a walk. Two-fare zone you know? So, there was a lot of time spent getting there. I got there at 10pm. I thought I was late.

Wrong!!!!

The party was half empty. The person having the baby wasn't there yet. I saw someone I knew and talked them. However, that was difficult as there was a DJ there playing reggae. The party began to fill up more and more and by 11:30pm food was served.

At midnight the party was in effect. The gifts began to be opened. This was when the DJ got into full effect. When a gift was opened that was especially nice, the DJ would get on the mic and shout, "Lighters!!!" (say with accent) and then on his DJ equipment play the sound of gunshots.

It was during this time that I realized that everyone has cultural differences. It doesn't make it wrong. But it sure did make me feel white.

If Only...

So, after looking at this in depth, I can honestly say maybe Jessica Lange, but on her worst day and my best day.

The Greatest Fight I Ever Saw

People talk about great fights. These fights are usually competitions of professionals. The setting is a formal ring. There is money to be made and money being spent. And, most importantly, there is a referee and judges. This creates a feeling of legitimacy.

But, the best fight I saw had none of this. In fact, the fight was over within 3 minutes. There were no judges, only the court of public opinion. The thing that made this fight so great, so transcendent, was its simplicity.

I will set the scene. It was a typical afternoon at Carlisle High School. I was staying a little late to decorate my locker. (Sidebar: Yes, I was that queer.) I finished and was sitting in our lunch/common area while I waited for my ride. While I waited two freshman girls, whose names are lost to the mists of time, started yelling at each other.

The yelling escalated to one face smack and then a hard hair pull. That was it. It was finished. I was a little saddened that it didn't go any farther. But, there was a surprise in store.

The girl who pulled the hair had been thinking ahead. Literally. When the face smacker stepped outside a wind whipped across the sidewalk. As the wind blew, a huge chunk of her hair flew off. It was significant. It was big enough that the entire lunch area gasped. Phrases like "holy shit" flew like the hair.

For this one image alone. It was the greatest fight I ever saw.

The View With Rosie (A Review)

First of all, I'm not afraid to admit it. I have watched The View for the entire 10 year run. It started when I was a junior in college. I would watch it when I had some time off, because no matter how far I try to run from it, I am a midwestern girl at heart. I love a good coffee klatch as much as the next girl. In fact, I love it more.

So, my small town sensibilities were happy to watch The View. I was amazed at the spot that was usually filled by a "young" girl. Somehow, they seemed more out of touch than the other hosts. I wanted desperately to work there. I loved when SNL skewered them. Tracy Morgan's "I'm a lawyer" became a hilrious joke to everyone I watched the show with.

But, the past few years were not as good. Star Jones turned into an alien. As she lost weight both her literal head and figurative head grew to epic proportions. She lost her humor and with Elizabeth Hasselback their, she let her intolerant Republican flag fly. Joy was obviously disgusted and with Meredith leaving, the show needed help.

Enter from the wings Rosie O'Donnell. No matter your opinion of Rosie as a person, she is a heck of a talk show host. She knows how to turn it on and off and she can keep things going. Personally, I think Rosie probably has a lot of anger and maybe is not the nicest person. But, she has added a new life and fun to The View.

Watching The View now, you see chemistry, humor, and real fun. It is so much better than it has been in years. I hope Rosie stays for a while and I hope the 5th player TBA will keep the chemistry alive.

Which Band Am I Talking About???

So, I'm going to place a few facts in my pseudo-copyrighted bullet point style. Tell me if you know who this band is.

• This band toured when they were first popular and working within the paradigm of pop music. Once they began to explore studio space and lyrics, they essentially stopped touring all together.
• This band used film to cement their personas as "joker, lover, etc."
• This band put out a series of double albums that worked as solo sets and a group project.
• This band supported other artists and bands that they loved. However, none of these bands were ever even as close to fame as their benefactors.
• This band created music that stretched the boundary of their genre.
• This band faced years of break-up rumors before they actually broke up.

Who am I talking about?

I am actually talking about 2 bands. The first band is The Beatles anfd the other band is Outkast. These two groups have been in an almost parallel world. Both groups have had so many similarities that they appear to be the same. The only difference is pop vs. rap. So, for Outkast fans we have nowhere to go right now, except to wait for their break up and solo projects that will be good but will never have the power of their group work.

You have been warned.

Another Quiz in Lieu of an Actual Post

So, another quiz about me to tide you over until I actually post this weekend. Real writing. I promise.

You've Experienced 80% of Life

You have all of the life experience that most adults will ever get.And unless you're already in your 40s, you're probably wise beyond your years.

How Much Life Experience Do You Have?

I'm Bored and Taking Quizzes...Watch Out!!!

Take the quiz:
Which Mean Girls Character Are you? (girlz)

Cady Herron
Your a math freak, your a dork.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!


Take the quiz:
Which X-Men Character are you most like?

Bobby Drake
Sometimes you can feel neglected and left out, but don't let what others say get you down, do what's best for you. You have energy hidden deep within you, even though sometimes you don't feel it. Sometimes you must tap that inner strength in order to succeed.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!


Take the quiz:
What soda are you???

Shirley temple
You're fun and sweet, and although you may be a little bit childish, you're one of the best people to be around.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

DUH?!?!?!

To anyone who knows me this test is stating the obvious in about 100 ways.

Your Taste in Music:

80's R&B: Highest Influence80's Rock: High Influence90's Hip Hop: High InfluenceClassic Rock: High InfluenceOld School Hip Hop: High Influence

How's" Your Taste in Music?

I Continue to Be Fascinated by the Duggar Family

Have you ever seen this family? If you have, then you, like me have watched the approximately 5 specials that the Discovery Channel/ Discovery Health has shown about this family.

A little backstory for those of you who don't know. The Duggar family has 16 children. (The picture is from 2004 and missing 2 kids I think.) The family lives in Arkansas and basically since the age of 22 this woman has not stopped being pregnant.

So, why am I fascinated? Let me list the ways.

• The family is obviously religious (clothes, hair, location, 16 kids) but Discovery edits out almost anything that would even suggest they are religious. This is hilarious to me as the fact that most people can deduce they are religious by only looking at the surface.
• A woman who has been pregnant for almost 16 straight years is unfathomable to me. The pain, discomfort, and general hormonal changes mean that this woman has not had her period for almost 2 decades. Not a problem, but it doesn't seem normal. It also seems that you cannot ever feel normal. Just on a basic level, her vagina has to be blown out and able to use as a parachute.
• The amount of food, clothes, etc. that they buy is always staggering. And, again, Discovery is quick to keep out any information as to how they make a living. This makes a cynic like myself believe that they receive government subsidies. I think this would keep many people from finding the story heartwarming and so it is omitted.
• I'm a sucker for fundamentalist clothing. Prairie dresses, pleated khakis, long hair that is a pseudo mullet with odd feathering. (See photo above.)

I'm sure there are more things, but it all kind of becomes one big blur. I have seen all their shows and I watch them multiple times. I am fascinated and a little dumbfounded. I hope I grow tired of it. But, I probably won't.

I Hate to Say "I Told You So"

But, I told you so.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/28/ramsey.arrest/index.html

It's tough always being right.