I Come to Bury Star Jones, Not to Praise Her

We will never see the Rosie smackdown. It's a shame. But really, Star should have been more gracious. Watch Gawker's clip. She burned one of the biggest bridges in the business. Good luck with that. I feel bad for Star because she has not seemed happy since she got skinny. And, her marriage to Al has been ragged on by everyone. The best quote has to be from Kathy Griffin. "Al is so gay, when he walks by all you hear is snapping." But, she never made herself seem like a real person. Her over the top self-love made her unbearable.

I am really only sad that the Rosie smackdown will not occur. Shameful. I cry a single Indian litter tear for this chain of events.

Name that Movie (A New Game)

So, for all you movie nerds, I've decided to post a weekly movie music list. I'll give you three songs that were in a movie and you try to guess which movie I'm talking about.
I know that most people use this page to suck time. So, I thought I would do my part.

Here it is...
Which movie featured these three songs?
Jump into the Fire (Nilsson)
Remember (Walkin' in the Sand) (Shangri-Las)
Sunshine of Your Love (Cream)

If noone gets it in a few guesses, I'll add a final song that might give it away.
Good luck!

My Apologies

So, I'm working on my You Tube page. Please be patient and the hilarity will ensue!

I'm On You Tube!!!!

If you want to check out my hilarious comedy, and by hilarious I mean mediocore. Then check out the link below. It might still be tweaking a bit, but give it a try.

CHECK ME OUT!!!!!

A Few Small Shout Outs!!!!

So, I was gone for a few days. But, I'm back. More movie reviews will be coming! But for now, just a few small messages.

• I hope everyone in NYC had a great Pride weekend. In this crazy time where the older generation is trying to make things the way they want, we all have to fight for our GLTB brothers and sisters. Celebrate diversity always.
• I got the job at Manhattan Charter School. I will be the program director of the After-School Program and I will also be working one day a week on their library. Wish me luck!
• Happy Birthday to Kristy and Eroica. Good luck and God bless
• And finally, congratulations of graduation to my girl Kaela. I am so proud of her. Words can never say how much I have wished for this day. Life has so much to offer and this is only the first step.

So, that's all for now. Check back soon. Reviews, music opinions, and some other surprises are coming your way.

Amy's Movie Reviews

So, another round of hilarious and insightful movie reviews from yours truly.

X3: The Last Stand (dir. Bret Ratner)
So, I am a big X-Men fan. I loved the first two movies and the 90's cartoon show was appointment viewing for me in college. Don't ask. But, this last movie was highly dissapointing. The action scenes were great and I thought my favorite character, Beast, was handled well. The rest of the movie, however, was highly lacking. When you see a movie like this with my hubby a huge comic book fan you start to hate it even more. He knew everything and what they did wrong with them. So, not good times. As usual, Halle Berry was the weak link. I have said this from the beginning, Iman is perfect. For God's sake she's African, beautiful, tall, and regal. Last time I checked, Storm was all those things. The main point of the XMen is the idea of being gay, Jewish, or minority. Bryan Singer, as a gay man, brought a feeling to the films that was vital. Bret ratner has never really been an outsider, therefore, he is not really the right fit for the XMen. Oh well, I await Superman and Spider-Man 3.

The Break-Up (dir. Peyton Reed)
Everyone knows I am not a huge Jennifer Aniston fan. I find that she seems really rigid and not comfortable with herself. Nicole Kidman has this problem as well. But, Nicole gave about ten amazing performances and I had to reconsider. Aniston has not really done that yet. I think she might be a good actor, I just haven't seen it yet. So, it is with all that in kind that I tell you how much I liked this movie. The story has been told many times, however, it takes a very non-commercial way to get there. It is surprising how little it feels like this movie was made by committee. It has a strong voice that doesn't cheat. It's funny and sad and will hit a lot of people close to home. I am really happy how well the movie has done. I think it will surprise a lot of people with the risks it takes. Give it a chance, I did and was greatly rewarded.

A Prairie Home Companion (dir. Robert Altman)
So, you all knew I would see this movie opening weekend. Robert Altman is my favorite director. Bad Altman is still better than say, really good Michael Bay. The movie is typical Altman so I enjoyed it. The acting is solid, the songs are god, blah blah blah. You've heard it all before. If you like Altman or Grrison Keillor see the movie. Everyone else should stay away. The "Bad Jokes" number steals the show and Kevin Kline gives the best performance.

My Sentiments Exactly!

I usually don't cut and paste, but reading this I felt such a kinship to what the author wrote, I wasnted to let others see it. I found it through Gawker and it was originally posted on http://www.tremble.com


Last night some words were had on a slow-moving G train from Greenpoint. The first set of words came from an older Hispanic gentleman. He was celebrating Puerto Rican pride with a friend, by yelling in drunken Spanish and smoking a cigarette on the train.

The second set of words were delivered by a young, white woman who was the very picture of North Williamsburg gentrification—H&M army jacket, fixed-gear bicycle, and a scruffy sense of political activism and civic pride that someday will calcify into exacting self-righteousness played out with a series of handmade signs around her apartment building, bearing messages like "THIS TREE NEEDS WATER, NOT DOG PEE" and "PLEASE STOP YOUR VAL-PAK TERRORISM NOW!!" Having no apparent Puerto Rican pride of her own, she was admonishing/lecturing the older gentleman on his special day.

"You're smoking on the train. Do. Not. Smoke. On. The. Train." Her words were clipped, like she was assembling sentences with something called SEVERELY DISAPPROVING MAGNETIC POETRY. As she lectured the old man, he waved her off and took turns dragging from his cigarette and chuckling in Spanish. ("Chuckling in Spanish" is also a very dirty sex act that involves a large meal, some nitrous oxide and a diaper attached to a slingshot.) While he chuckled and smoked, she continued.

"Stop. Smoking. Now."

"gigglerelleno."

"Seriously. Stop. It's. Illegal. You. Are. Making. All. Of. Us. Sick. With. Your. Smoking. Can. You. Understand. Me?"

"glurb..."

"Stop. It. Stop. It. Stop."

"Heheheheperdidafumarexcellentegrrrmmphhh."

Finally, she resorted to the quintessential square-and-angry-and-struggling-to-relate-to-inner-city-types plea: "That's not cool, man. That's NOT COOL." Whenever I hear those words—and I've even said them myself, after exchanging a lot of angry dialogue with 10 year-old black kid who had hurled a rock at my girlfriend as she rode by on her bicycle—I get a horrible feeling in my skin, like all the Caucasian is racing up to the surface. Spike Lee perfectly captured this particular kind of inter-racial discomfort in Do the Right Thing, when John Savage (in his Celtics jersey – get it?) had some loud words with a group of black teenagers after accidentally scuffing one of their brand-new Air Jordans. ("Them shits is broke!")

In the battle of Puerto Rican Pride vs. Civic Pride, it was a dead heat. The more the young woman scolded the old man, the more drunk and cigarette-crazy he seemed to get. Finally, the conductor popped his head out and explained that cops were on their way. (The young girl took this as a win for her team, and warned the old man that now the cops were coming and he was going to have to pay $100 for smoking and no one could go anywhere because we were all stopped thanks to him and I hope you're happy. He was, by all accounts, happy.) Moments later, three uniformed officers entered the train and ordered the old man and his pal to vacate the train. While this was happening, the young girl and her friends were helpfully pointing out where the old man had hastily discarded his cigarette.

Perhaps their Puerto Rican pride was radiating too strongly, because the old men refused to exit the train. (Or didn't understand the request.) A minor scuffle broke out and, finally, two of the officers lifted the drunks out of their seats, their old arms waggling, grabbing at the air, and roughly escorted them off the train with a hearty shove. The train doors closed, and we all proceeded in silence.

Though I was sorry to see the old men go, it was kind of interesting to see how the situation was handled. Sometimes I forget that police officers can just grab people and shove them out of a train, and that's just called "protecting and serving." If anyone else had done that (and many of us were surely thinking about it) it would have been considered short-tempered, and possibly a little insane/dangerous. But the police intervention seemed pretty reasonable.

Honestly, whether they were wearing police badges or Batman costumes, the uniform really does justify certain types of behavior. I only wish one of the officers had turned on the young girl, pushed a finger into her collarbone, and said, "And you: calm the fuck down. Your lack of Puerto Rican pride disgusts me! NOT COOL." because that was the other thing I really wanted to do but was too afraid it would make me look crazy.

Gamma Rays Comedy

So, to elevate my career, I have begun producing an amazing show in Brooklyn. Here are all the gory details.

Every Thursday @ 8pm
Gamma Rays Comedy
Bar Reis 375 5th Ave. (b'twn 5th and 6th St.) Park Slope, Brooklyn

$5 Cover Charge with no drink minimums and maximums.

This week come see Robin Fox, Omar Beer, Dan Shaki, Josh Homer, Raquel D'Apice, Simeon Goodson, and Michelle Buteau. Hosted by Gamma Rays and Mr. Plow's own Amy Patrick.

Check us out!

Being Amy Patrick

So, I decided to write to keep everyone up with by bi-yearly bout of bronchitis. I have been sick for about three days and today it hit the jackpot. The weather change, my asthma, and my husband being sick all lead to a perfect storm of illness. Huzzah!
But, today, although I am feeling better, I look worse. I went to the gym to sweat out toxins, yes I believe that shit, and it worked. It worked too well. It broke my fever. After the gym I went to my DJ spinning class at Scratch. I was sweating like Whitney Houston for the entire class. It was beautiful. I was coughing, sweating, and sniffing. I might have slightly looked like a drug addict.

So, I'm back home with a fan on my face so I can sweat in piece. I might go to a movie later. Hopefully, the AC in theater will be blasting so noone will notice that I was just at Clive Davis's farewell party singing with my husband, the king of R&B.

For you Chris Rock fans that can translate to rocks and blunts or ribs and bar-b-que.

I have a ton of shows booked next week, so please pray to whatever higher power you believe in for my recovery. Every little bit helps!

"Crack is wack". Words to live by.

Amy's Movie Reviews

so, summer's here, that means the big guns have been drawn and the movies are big and loud. There are art house films out there as well, but sometimes they get lost. Here are a few reviews of some of the movies I've seen lately.

Art School Confidential (dir. Terry Zwigoff)- They had me at "from the director of Bad Santa". If you haven't seen Bad Santa do yourself a favor and check this one out. It's a hateful little gem of black comedy. Zwigoff is a director that follows his own path. He has directed documentaries and also heartfelt drama, but with this film and Bad Santa, it's obvious that his heart is with black comedy. There isn't really a plot here, but Zwigoff and writer Daniel Clowes have a huge bone to pick with art school and the people who go there. The film makes it known that talent is there, but will be destroyed by the staff and other students. The teachers are seen as failures, with the exception of Angelica Huston's art history professor who it is made clear isn't a painter trying to cash a paycheck. There was a lot of humor, but it was aimed directly at the people who were watching the film. If you are not offended and want to laugh while choking down some bile then you should enjoy it.

Mission Impossible III (dir. JJ Abrams)- So, when I saw the trailer for this movie I wanted to see it, but I was conflicted. The conflict is in the fat that I love JJ Abrams' work on Felicity and Lost, but I hate Tom Cruise. So, I wasn't sure if I wanted to see it. However, my love of Abrams and many of the other actors won me over. And, what can I say. It was great. It was definitely the best of the bunch. That might be damning it with faint praise, but that's not what I mean. This film follows the TV much closer and has a lot of life and some great sequences. The acting is good, it is well directed, and the main bad guy is a Republican!!!! That's an Amy Patrick special. Don't let Tom Cruisazzy keep you from seeing this film. It is actually really good.

My TV Exploded!!!!

It's true. Your #1TV fan had her hubby's fancy flat screen pop and shut off. Right in the middle of The People's Court no less.
I turned it off and have been doing nutty things like cleaning, reading, and actually blogging since then. It's amazing what happens when you stop looking at a screen.
So, I am hopefully going to find out about the job I went to 2 interviews for. All of you out there, pray to your higher power for me. I really want this job.
If I don't get it, I already talked to a manager at West Elm. So, retail might be back in my future. I'm going to hit the bricks next week when I find out what is going on with my dream job.
And, lastly, my comedy career is finally hitting the mid-level. I am producing, along with my buddies Josh and Sim, a comedy show in Brooklyn. June 15th is the first night. $5 gets you some really great comedy. Come check us out. I need to feel like I have some kind of career!

Found this and Had to Post it.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net. They always have some great stories. I am copying a recent article they had up. As a comic, writer, and a liberal, this was the funniest thing I've read in a long time.


WHY THERE AREN'TMANY RIGHT-WINGOBSERVATIONALCOMEDIANS.
BY TEDDY WAYNE
- - - -
You ever see a roomful of old white guys trying to dance? They're bumping along out of rhythm to some corny '50s song in their tuxedos, like three feet away from their wives, and you're just like, "Yes—that's exactly what respectable nightlife socializing should be."
- - - -
I'm in the supermarket checkout the other day, and this woman is taking forever to pay—with her checkbook, of course. So I lean over and say, "Hey, lady, you know what we're all thinking when you pay by check? That you're not reaping any potential benefits from a cash-back or frequent-flyer credit card." I mean, how stupid can you be not to know that most major cards give triple miles for supermarket or drugstore purchases? Am I right, people?
- - - -
My wife complains like it's her job. About out-of-control government spending and affirmative action. And I totally agree with her. She's a spokeswoman for Rick Santorum.
- - - -
The other day, on a flight, I open up my package of peanuts, and there are five peanuts inside. I ask the flight attendant if there's a mistake, and she says it's a cost-cutting procedure to help save the airline from bankruptcy. I go, "Oh, yeah? You want an idea for another 'cost-cutting procedure'? How 'bout taking a stand against the pilots' union and raising the retirement age to 65 from the current 60 so the 401(k)s aren't depleted and the average middle-to-upper-class passenger doesn't foot the bill?" Boo-ya!
- - - -
I once had this real tight-ass boss who constantly yelled at all his employees for slacking off. For our Christmas bonuses, he gave us tube socks. Tube socks. And, by saving money, he was able to hire new, better employees the next year, fire us, and improve profit margins. That man knew how to run a fiscally responsible company.
- - - -
The other night my wife and I are watching Hannity & Colmes, and she goes, "I'm cold—let's turn up the heat." So I say, "Just put on a sweater." And she gives me this look that's like, No missionary sex in the marital interest of procreation for you! And I'm thinking, "Man, if only the pansy liberals let the military flex a little more muscle in the Middle East and force an effective European coalition, we might be able to dissolve the OPEC terrorists, gain some leverage over oil prices, and avert domestic crises like this." The fellas know what I mean!
- - - -
You guys seen Brokeback Mountain? I actually thought it could've been a good movie. If one of the guys were a woman. And they were married. And practicing Christians. And they didn't outsource the directing to Taiwan.
- - - -
Where are you folks from? Paris? Really? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Ha ha, just kidding, madame. But get out of my face. Seriously. You make me sick.
- - - -

I Like Doctor Who (Holy Crap!!!!)

I can't believe that I'm saying this, but the new Doctor Who from the BBC is fantastic. It's going to be out on DVD here in the U.S. in July. I have a great connection here in the city for bootleg DVD's.

So, when he had the good doctor, my husband grabbed it up.
Joe is a big Doctor Who fan. I will call him out right now. He has been to a Doctor convention. With all of that in mind, he really wanted to see the show. I was reluctant to say the least.

A little back story on my love/hate affair with science fiction. I am a little schizo on this topic. I think in many things there are good ideas, but I also think that many times the execution is off. American Sci-Fi distracts you with amazing effects and British Sci-Fi distracts you with the lack of effects. It's a little weird. There are many things in science fiction I enjoy. My favorite books are Brave New World, Farenheight 451, and Slaughterhouse Five. I'm not sure how that happened. And, the big ideas in the first 2 Matrix films was right up my alley.

Sorry, tangent. But, the new Dr. Who is extremely well done. Good acting, clever scripts, and decent effects are all here. Christopher Ecclestone plays the Dr. Much more sour and sarcastic. He is not twinkly like Tom Baker. Billie Piper and John Barrowman play his traveling companions. John Barrowman plays a bi-sexual time traveler. The character is done very well and handled with wit and dignity.

Russell Davies is the new writer/producer. He created the original Queer as Folk. He brings the same good writing and strong show running to this new doctor. Doctor Who is really good. Everyone who enjoys science fiction or British humor should check it out. And, if you watch a lot of British product, look for a variety of guest stars.

Fliering with the Famous

So, I just got back from a tough room that I fliered for. The place is great, the other comics were great, and I have had amazing sets there. Tonight the crowd was tough, but every laugh was worked for. So, I did feel a bit of success.

But, I was able to flier in Times Square. Amazingly, Cee-Lo, rapper from Goodie Mob and currently out with the combo Gnarls Barkley was walking by. I said, "hey Cee Lo" and tried to sound like I knew him. It worked. He turned around and so did his friends. I worked my Amy magic and he took a flier. His friends laughed at my chutzpah and also took fliers.

They did not come to the show. But, they have my flier. Maybe they'll think about it and come another time.

I think the value in this lesson is to always be brave and do what you need to do.

I am so happy about this story, I've posted it on all my blogs! I'm such a loser.

The End of an Era

So, tonight Will and Grace had their series finale. I watched it. Full disclosure, I haven't watched this show in years. But, I wanted to watch the finale because I think this show, when it first aired, was a revelation. It had gay characters who spoke in a truly "gay" way. There were in jokes, sexy jokes, and a wealth of pop culture.

For me, I related to the show. When it first appeared I was still single and my best friend, then as now was my own Will Truman, Dale. I related to the closeness of the characters. Many things on the show seemed as if they were my life. I know if Dale reads this, he knows that Will and Grace's dominance at games was directly lifted from our lives.

After college I got married and moved to NYC. Dale came with his partner Tom and moved close by. As I watched the finale. All of the talk of destiny and how those who are supposed to be in your life will always be there, spoke to me. I got a little teary thinking about my life and how much richer it is because of all of those who have come into my life. Especially my best friend.

So, the episode was fine. But, the feelings that it brought up meant something. Honestly, without this show I don't think acceptance would be where it is. We have a long way to go, but in it's own way, Will and Grace brought gay people into millions of homes and maybe a few out of their closets. So, with all that said, goodbye Will and Grace. The world is better because you were on the air.

Upocoming Amy Events

Wonder what Amy is up to? Want to see her hilarious comedy?
Then check out my MySpace page for all the dates, times, and prices.

http://www.myspace.com/amypatrick

All your Amy news in one place!

Happy Birthday!!!

So, my hubby is soon to be 30!
Holy Crap!
I just wanted to put this short post and say Happy Birthday and I love you so much.

Don't Fear the Reaper Joe!

In Search of the Real Me

So, because of the awesome Noushineh, I have done this test.

So, this is a way to see how you see yourself VS. how others see you. Go to the site and see what you would pick for me.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Amy Patrick

Amy's Movie Reviews

So, I'm finally seeing more movies. Yay!!! I will also have more reviews coming next weekend. And, I am going to share stories about my DJ class on my MySpace and Comedy Soapbox blogs. But, for now, sit back and relax, enjoy the show!

Take The Lead: (director Liz Friedlander)
So, anyone who knows me, knows my favorite genre of film is the "ragtag group of ______ pulls it together and makes something of themselves" genre. This type of film can be found in almost every style of film. A few examples that I highly recommend; The Dirty Dozen, The 7 Samurai, The Bad News Bears, Slap Shot, School of Rock, and you even have documentaries like Spellbound and Mad, Hot Ballroom.
Take the Lead follows in the footsteps of all of these films. The movie is based on the life of Pierre Dulaine. He is a professional ballroom instructor and dancer. After seeing a troubled teen one night, he decides to work with kids who really need him. The story breaks no new ground. He has to get the kids to trust him and also get them to believe in themselves.
Antonio Banderas is very good as the teacher and he can really dance. The students are played by a variety of familiar faces from other teen flicks. Rob Brown from Finding Forrester and Coach Carter does a good job as does Lauren Collins from Degrassi and Yaya Acosta from America's Next Top Model.
The movie captures class difference and how race is important, but being poor can wear on you harder than anything. The NY scenes are captured well and uses locations not normally seen in the city. It's a nice change of pace.
Many of the kids are types and we also have an uptight teacher and a principal who loves the program but might have to shut it down. Will the kids make it to the big competition? Will the program survive? Will mortal enemies find love? You know all the answers already. But, that didn't stop me from getting misty and enjoying the film.

Silent Hill: (director Christopher Gans)
It's official. If you want to make a frightening film, you must decide to have it take place in an alternate dimension or hell on Earth. Silent Hill is based on a video game, but works as a movie. The atmosphere, tension, and general work on the film make it a pretty good horror film.
I am not a fan of PG-13 horror/suspense. I grew up watching horror in the 1980's and was weaned on films like A Nightmare on Elm Street, Dawn of the Dead, Jacob's Ladder, and various other gory and scary films.
Currently, horror has been pandering to teens and watering down the product. Only foreign horror has been stepping up. But, Silent Hill is gory, scary, and tense. It follows in the creepy tradition of Candyman, Hellraiser, and In the Mouth of Madness.
Lovecraftian horror is an idea using the work of H.P. Lovecraft. His work features an idea of unspeakable horror. And, unspeakable horror never works on film. Excluding a few films, that I already mentioned, it hardly ever works.
Silent Hill was directed by French director Christopher Gans. Check out his film Brotherhood of the Wolf. It's crazy, scary, and really well done. Silent Hill is muc better directed than most horror. The gore is there and the acting is fairly good. My biggest qualm is that you can really feel that it is based on a video game. Certain scenes, sound effects, and plot points seem very much like they were lifted directly from a game. During the last big confrontation my husband said, "That was one hell of a boss level".
But, if you just want to be scared and can leave a certain level of logic at the door, check this out.

Whatever Happened to TV Theme Songs?

So, I recently downloaded the theme song to "Sanford and Son" to my iPod. Before you judge me, this is a great song. And, as a TV theme it's perfect. When you hear the song, it sounds like the instruments are found in a junk yard. There's funk in it and the overall tone captures the shambling spirit of the show.
As I listened to it, I thought about how great all the shows in the 70's and 80's used their theme songs to capture a feeling or mood about the show. Typically, songs with lyrics were organic to the show. The lyrics usually summarized the show or set the tone. Today, if there are lyrics they very rarely fit the show's content.
This is a short post, but something I've been thinking about recently. I wish we had more singable or recognizable themes. Even the old themes without lyrics set a tone. Think about "Barney Miller" or "Night Court". And, pretty much any show created by Norman Lear (Good Times, The Jeffersons, Maude) or Junger/Witt (The Golden Girls) had a song that made you fondly recall the show. I am pretty sure that these themes made the shows better and kept them on the air longer.
So, check out the themes now. You'll see that they are actually really good songs. They stand on their own merits. I wish TV shows had that today.