Monday, July 23, 2007
My Big Geeky Weekend
This is where everything goes off the rails. My husband and I were walking in and saw a small sign that said, "We have the Wii." The first words out of Joe's mouth were, "Where do you think they are?" He made a beeline downstairs and got in line. He got the last one they had that evening. Joe was even more satisfied because the guy behind him looked like a perp on "To Catch a Predator" and crushing dreams is something Joe loves to do. So, he got the Wii, 2 games, and an extra remote.
We then got ready to get our books and saw that the line was ridiculous. So, we went home and fired up the Wii. And, I am not a huge game fan, but let me say something. Nintendo has changed the game. While everyone else fretted about grphical load and adding every extra known to man, the Wii just decided to be the simplest and most interesting console around. The use of the wands with point and click functions along with the functionality of the sensors denoting any movement, make it a more interactive game.
The unit also connects to the internet where you can read news wire articles, get the weather, create avatars called Miis, and purchase almost every game in the NES universe. This creates an interactive and personal game experience. Needless to say, I spent a few hours playing Wario Smooth Moves and Wii Sports. The future is now.
Saturday morning I went and picked up my copy of Harry Potter, I am at page 345 currently and will be getting abck to it as soon as I finish this post. I have loved all the books and have been waiting for a while for this one. I think the books have been amazing and have really boosted a love of reading in many children and adults. I hope that all of Harry's fans continue seeking out good stories.
So, until The Simpsons opens next weekend this, officially, was the geekiest weekend ever.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Generation Stockholm Hits You Tube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn9IhTOY3ks
If the link doesn't work, please search on You Tube using the search Generation Stockholm.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
The World Series of Pop Culture (A Conspiracy Theory)
Now, why did I label this conspiracy? Because, I am pretty sure VH1 wants to keep it under wraps so that the viewer at home can answer almost as many as the talent. I think if they made the testing rounds widely advertised they would end up getting the savant types that surf the net all day, watch every pop culture show, and basically consume pop culture in a single minded way. By advertising in smaller markets like Chicago, Austin, Miami, and not NYC or LA, they keep the number of people in the pop culture industry or who are just savvy.
Why do I care? Because I want approximately $77,000 ($250,000 split 3 ways before taxes) and I think I would at least have a chance. I'm not sure where I am going with all this. I was just mad watching the show last night and wiping the floor, by myself, with every team.
Oh well, maybe next year.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
By the Time I Get Back From Arizona (apologies to Chuck D.)
Those of you that know me, know that I have never been a big sleeper. In fact, I suscribe to Mr. Nasir Jones' theory that "sleep is the cousin of death." But, over the past few months I have been sleeping like crazy, sick, and basically worhtless. But, after hitting the wall, I have made it over the mountain and am slowly getting back to myself.
I just took a small trip to Arizona for relaxation. I feel great now. I am working several days a week, tutoring, and doing my usual. I am making a new dedication to blogging and writing and hitting mics and guest spots. It's tough but I'm working at it. So much has been going on since I haven't been blogging; the NBA draft, summer movies, Barack Obama, Supreme Court cases, and much more. I will begin back to my old ways blogging and being a part of society.
I know you'va all missed me!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
Stories of my Life: Grindhouse Edition
So, as I get ready to order my tickets I thought about many of the grindhouse experiences I have had.
Growing up, my family always went to the drive-in. The drive-in is the grindhouse of the suburbs. One of the first movies I remember seeing at the drive-in was a double bill of "Blazing Saddles" and "Young Frankenstein". I can honestly say that this experience formed my sense of humor, and my worldview. My mom still can't believe that they let me see this movie at a young age. I always thank her.
My other experience is more generalized. People talk about the "Disney-fication" of Times Square. I can honestly say that in the past 10 years since I moved here, it's gotten worse. There were still a few sex theaters and run down movie houses when I got here.
I always romanticized NYC growing up. I knew I wanted to live here and watched Woody Allen movies, "All that Jazz", and any other movie showing what I thought was city life. Looking at Scorsese films let me see the gritty side. I knew from books and other things that I wanted to see movies in Times Square.
The best memory I have of seeing a movie in a crappy theater was my first few weeks here. My husband and I went to see "Summer of Sam" in Times Square. The theater we went to was paret of a complex of a few theaters and shady souvenir shop. This area is now a foot locker, Swatch Shop, and Toys R' Us.
At the theater we were in a full crowd. The floor was sticky, the seats were falling apart, and the crowd was rowdy. What a way to see the movie. I went to the bathroom at the end. I waited until plenty of people were there. To say the bathroom was a little "rapey" is a understatement.
For almost a year we went to that theater every weekend. By 1999, it was torn down and changed into the mini shopping mall it is today.
Off topic for a minute. We lived in Washington Heights and would go to a movie theater right next to our apartment, sadly, this theater is now a dollar store. Very sad.
So, with all this said, I'll see you at the grindhouse!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Lessons I Learned at the LCS Auditions
On with the lessons.
- Always wear gloves and a hat no matter how not cold you are at the beginning.
- Having someone like Josh putting up a tent can help your night.
- Having an Irish Pub nearby open until 4am is helpful for using the bathroom.
- Gotham is filled with stand up people (no pun intended)
- Delusion doesn't have to have grandeur, just a vessel for its sadness. There were people in the line who had no idea what to do or what comedy was all about. I don't think this helps comedy at all.
- Diners are good for 8 cups of coffee, a bathroom, and breakfast after 2 hours of sleep.
- And finally, Adrienne will make sure you get no sleep. Trust me on this on.
For me, the audition was a learning experience. I have been trying to be more zen about things. I got to do several jokes, figured out what to do better, and made some decisions about my comedy from what I learned.
Without my husband or my comedy husband this never would have even happened. I am glad I was pushed.
To everyone with a dollar and a dream, good luck.
And to Extreme Maggie...you are a sexy bitch! Good luck. I'm going to Home Depot right now in honor of you.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Phyllis Diller: An Appreciation
They showed some clips of on "The Jack Parr Show". And let me be honest, her jokes and delivery were great. In fact, she could get on stage with her jokes now and be as fresh as many "lady" comics out there. It was amazing to see a woman who started her career at 37, just do it. She talked about how it was easier to market herself back then because she was a solo act and a woman and that made her a novelty.
She talked comedy with Rosie and Joy. They all three lamented the fact that currently, there is a lot of people and fewer spots on comedy than ever before. Diller said she thinks that it's tough being a woman comic now because you have to be cute, funny, and basically willing to sell out. She said that it makes her sad how much looks have taken over comedy.
Diller also talked about some of the women who came up with her like Totie Fields and Moms Maberly. She talked about getting her start. She also talked about how important it is to make a persona and never use real names of family on stage. She said her marriages (2) lasted because she never used real names. "You keep that at home," Diller said.
I was so glad to have seen this. Her wisdom and humor gave me a lot of inspiration, I hope she did the same to other women watching as well.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
My Trip to Amsterdam
It's a beautiful and intersting city. It's smaller and very different architectually than most European cities. I found it a refreshing change of pace from places like Madrid or Paris. It has a cozier, smaller feel.
Although everyone focuses on the drugs and prostitutes, it's a city with a lot more. We enjoyed some really good food and great sights. The Van Gough museum is filled with beauty and some of the most stunning art on record. The Anne Frank House is powerful. Being in the house itself was powerful. I, along with many others, spent most of the time crying. It ends up moving you in ways you cannot imagine.
The Red Light District is not so shocking, for me it was a little sad. Many of the prostitutes looked young and from Russia and Eastern Europe. Every man walking the street looked guilty. Not as funny as I hoped it would be.
In contrast, the hash bars are a great time. Good atmosphere, calm music, and just a good time. You could have a conversation without yelling. My husband Joe summed it up best. "I would love to just hang out in a hash bar. It's better than a drinking bar. You can hear people." Truer words have not been spoken.
We did do the tourist thing and went to a cheese factory and a wooden shoe demonstration. Good times. I love being a tourist sometimes.
I would recommend Amsterdam. But, I would say do the "bigger" cities first. They awe you. Amsterdam feels cozy, more like being in Brooklyn as opposed to Manhattan.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Stories of My Life: Riding the Bus Edition
Now, if you are looking for a quick mode of transportation the bus is not it. For those not in the know, you can walk faster than taking the crosstown bus. But, other routes move faster and take some great streets and small nooks and crannies.
All of this is leading to my story. Be patient dear reader.
So, I enjoy going to DUMBO in Brooklyn. To get there from my house, the most fun way is to take the B25 bus. I went to DUMBO one day to shop at West Elm and get some Jaques Torres chocolate. I picked up the bus and headed home. The way home goes through the Fulton Mall. The Fulton Mall was immortalized in "Fortress of Solitude". It's known for its abundance of grill (mouth not BBQ) stores, sneaker shops, and many Duane Reade stores. To say it's a little ghetto is to say Teri Woods writes books with bad grammar.
After my little shopping excursion, I took the bus back to my house. The bus was at the end of the mall and on its way to the rest of the BK. The bus was waiting at a red light. As it waited, across the street two men were fighting. Everyone on the bus was looking because the fight was very loud and intense.
Suddenly the two men got very close. It appeared that the one man smacked the other. It took a second, but soon everyone saw that it was not a slap. The man had slashed the other man across the face. As the slashee moved and placed his hand on his face. The blood sprayed through and covered the street. The slasher ran as fast as he could. Now everyone on the bus said a collective,"Damn." It was frightening. All of this was taking place at 3pm on a Wednesday. As the man seemed to be in shock another man came up and started to escort him in the direction of the Brooklyn Hospital.
The light turned and the bus moved on. There was nervouse chatter and awkward pauses. Noone on the bus knew how to react. They also were left with the world's largest cliffhanger.
Who knows?
I like to think the guy got to the hospital, got stitches, then found the bitch ass that did it and got some revenge. But, I am also filled with hate.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Justin Timberlake @ MSG: A Review
OPENING ACT: P!NK
As Pink has made better music, her popularity has placed her on the margins. Her last 2 albums tanked in comparison to her breakout "Missundastood" with the hits "Get this Party Started" and "Family Portrait". But, as the opening act, playing to between 50-80% of the crowd at any given time, she got the crowd pumped and showed her talent as a musician. Her singing voice was strong and she utilized the full open circle stage. Her 40 minute set featured her biggest hits, a few songs that were not known but filled with energy and style. By the end of her set, which finished with "Get this Party Started" and had the crowd eating out of the palm of her hand.
Small Break before opening act...
PART I
Timberlake came out to his "FutreSex/LoveSounds" open. Large see-through scrims covered the stage. All of them projected visuals and then superimposed the stage action on top of them. The effect, which worked great, was used during the whole show. Part one focused on many dance songs, with a few small breaks for ballads. He sat down with his guitar and played several slow songs. He ended the first act with an assist by Timbaland. By this part, he had the crowd loving every move.
The show was different for many reasons. Timberlake, for many times during the show, was under the scrim and let his band and dancers take up the full stage. He also played guitar, drums, and piano during this time and the use of a live band added depth to many of the songs. Timberlake grew up during Michael Jackson and Prince. His stage style, songs, and performance are an intriguing mix of both.
INTERMISSION
Timberlake went off the towel off, change clothes, etc. Timbaland went to the middle of the stage. He surrounded himself in scrims. He began beat mixing, noodling on the 808, and sharing samples. All of the beats were choreographed to the movie scenes being displayed on the scrims. This whole segment was the DJ equivalent of Deadhead guitar noodling. Oddly fascinating. Also, it shows the trust Timberlake has in his audience that they would sit for this. The crowd did more than sit, they were riveted.
PART II
More of the same with Part One. Timberlake again mixed up the middle with a light ballad set. But, the highlight was the last 10 minutes. Timberlake fused "Cry me a River" and "SexyBack" into one epic moment. The staging, dancing, and scrim work was amazing. Timberlake had every person out of their seats, dancing, screaming, and just losing themselves. During "SexyBack" both Timberlake and Timbaland had to dodge panties. That just about sums up the night.
ENCORE
"Dick in a Box" with Andy Samberg and in full character. Enough said.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
The Amy Awards Part I: The Top 10 List
1. Children of Men
2. Idiocracy
3. The Departed
4. The Devil Wears Prada
5. The Fountain
6. Stranger than Fiction
7. Dreamgirls
8. The Prestige
9. The Last King of Scotland
10. (tie) Half Nelson/ CSA: The Confederate States of America
Runners-Up: Brick, Little Miss Sunshine, A Prairie Home Companion, Jet Li's Fearless, and A Scanner Darkly.
Get ready for round 2. I fully expect lots of comments on my amazing list!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
My Senior Year of High School
Who was your best friend(s)? Steve Trimble, Shawn Ruble, Dale Edwards, Stephanie Smith, not many others, I am a loner by nature.
What kind of car did you drive? Didn't drive, had many traumatic incidents with the driving test.
It's Friday night, where were you? At a football game performing with color guard and then heading out for food and hanging out.
Were you a partier? No, but I found out later people thought I was a slut.
Were you considered a flirt? No, boys (not men) are intimidated by humor and brains.
Ever skip school? All the time. I usually tallied about 20 days out a year.
Were you a nerd? Yes and I still am.
Did you get suspended/expelled? No, but many detentions and other drama.
Can you sing the fight song? Yeah
Who was your favorite teacher? Ms. Stevens, people thought she was tough, I thought she was one of our more cultured teachers. I will also include Senora Catron on this list.
Favorite class? English and Advanced PE
What was your school's full name? Carlisle High School
School mascot? Indians (Sambo was already taken)
Did you go to Senior Prom? Yes. Got dumped by my 1st date but Ruble pulled through for me.
If you could go back and do it over, would you? I wouldn't go back. My life has been really great after it.
What do you remember most about graduation? The feeling of relief and my itchiness to move to NYC.
Favorite memories of your Senior Year? Hanging out with people, debating politics with Steve Trimble and Kevin Ritchie, Academic team and Teen Counseling sleepover, both of which changed my life.
Where were you on senior skip day? Who knows, many days were senior skip day!
Did you have a job your senior year? Yes. I worked for a catering company on the weekends and then also did babysitting. That summer I worked midnights at Meijers.
Where did you go most often for lunch? The cafeteria, sitting with my nerdy AP friends and usually reading a magazine. Hollaback Sassy!
What did you do after graduation? Went to college, got married in Las Vegas, moved to NYC. The rest is history.
When did you graduate? 1994
Are you going to your 10 year reunion? I did. I was hoping the women would have been fatter. But the guys aged in dog years. I might do the 20, just to see what's up.
What school did you're school hate most? Franklin
Who will repost this after you? Who knows?
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
The Similarities Between Drag and Hip Hop
So, last night my husband and I were talking about drag shows. We agreed that everyone should see a few in there life. They are entertaining first and foremost. They are the American equivalent to Kabuki. And, mainly, they just make you laugh.
Now, on a deeper level, drag does many things. There are also many types of drag. I'll delve into all of this. But, first a small antecdote. I have been a fan of drag for a long time. Personally, I have almost always enjoyed camp, satire, and ironic commentary. An appreciation of these things is essential to enjoying drag. In Dayton, Ohio there was a club I went to very often called "Celebrity". This was one of 2 gay clubs in the city. Celebrity had some great drag shows. Most of the drag fell into the lip-synch a diva's song category. You would watch and laugh and generally participate in the shenanigans. Seeing many shows there for such a long time gave me an appreciation for good drag and a keen eye in spotting bad drag.
So, there are several types of drag. They include; good drag, bad drag on purpose, scene drag, music drag, and gender illusion. Let me explain. Good drag is over the top femininity with glamorous gowns. Bad drag on purpose is looking messy or "real" for comedic effect (i.e. Divine, Kiki and Herb), scene drag is the lip-synching or acting out of classic scenes featuring over the top women (i.e. Mommie Dearest), music drag works the same way as scene drag (i.e. Cher, Judy, Liza, et. al.), and gender illusion is the most confusing, it is typically standard drag for the purpose of contests and pageants.
Now, I said something at the top where I said drag and hip-hop have similarities. The main similarity they have is that unlike many other forms of creativity, they do not live in a vacuum. They constantly comment on the society they live in. Hip-hop many times uses the music video genre to comment on films, TV, and other pop culture detrius. Drag does the same thing.
There is a term in literary criticism called "informing the text". This is when outside influences, history, or just time change how we look at the piece of work. Drag does this constantly. Any song or scene that is acted out, is changed by the drag performance. Many times it illuminates unseen comedy, pathos, or subtext not seen in the original piece.
I encourage anyone who has never seen a drag show to check one out. It's worth the price and is a definite artistic experience. Leave your preconceptions at the door.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Random Thoughts...
Off topic: If you are not watching 30 Rock, you are missing out. It's the funniest show on TV right now.
Back to your regularly scheduled blog...
Here are some things I've been thinking about for the past month. I'm sure I'll seem crazy, but who cares.
- Are the parents in "The Parent Trap" the best parents in the world or the worst parents in the world for what they did by splitting up their twin daughters?
- Is "Dreamgirls" the gayest movie ever made? (Seeing this in a theater seemingly holding the entire cast of Noah's Arc may have clouded my view about that.)
- Why are the NJ Nets so bad this year? They should be first in their division. They have some great new rookies and bench guys. Hopefully, Lawrence Frank will be fired by the All-Star break. More on this topic to come.
- I still miss Chappelle's Show
- Being told you are too edgy for Showtime at the Apollo and too mean for the Comic Strip can put you in a small depression about your comedy career.
- Being asked "what are you good for" can put you in a small depression about your day job.
- Hopefully this weather, seemingly a bell weather for the Apocalypse, can get me out of ever having to be succesful.
- And finally, I saw an amazing retro Soul Train episode today. If you live in NYC it's on every Sat. at noon on the CW11. Today's highlight was Al Green performing. He was still arm bandaged from hisd hot grits drama. Riveting TV.
So, that's about it for now. I made several New Year's resolutions and one of them was to write more, perform more, and become more well-rounded. Hopefully, this is the start of some real creativity.
Coming Soon
New blogs, the Amy Awards, etc.
They are coming your way.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Happy Holidays
So, it's been a busy time for the Plow. School, work, Nets games, Aimee Mann holiday shows, supporting friends in their creative ventures, etc. Much like my good friends at 3 6 Mafia said, "It's hard out there for a pimp." And for a Plow, truer words have never been spoken.
Movies reviews, Nets reports, and the Aimee Mann holiday show review will be posted this weekend.
Everyone out there, have a happy holiday season and be ready for whatever 2007 brings.
Mazel Tov!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
NJ Nets Report...
So, I went to my 1st game of the season. I was actually excited to see the Bobcats. They are a young team who has made some smart decisions on draft day. Hopefully, in a few years they will actually be contenders. Sean May, Raymond Felton, and Adam Morrison all delivered. I'm not completely sold on Emeka Okafor. He is fould prone and already moves like Patrick Ewing cira 1994. So, his knees may be a problem. However, they played well together and beat the Nets. The Nets played spotty, made poor shot selection, and basically played like a team that had no chemistry. I'm a little worried for their chances.
12/5/06 Nets Vs. Mavericks
I was obviously worried for good reason. The fact that they were only down by 15 and I was surprised tells you how bad the Nets stunk up the place. They again, made horrible shot selection. Why do you have both of your seven-footers shooting 15-30 foot jumpers? Penetration should be what the Nets do. But, there were 2 bright spots. Make that three bright spots. Both UConn rookies Marcus Williams and Eddie House play like they want to win and bring real energy. However, they make a lot of rookie mistakes. My new favorite heart player is Mikki Moore. He is an 8 year vet who plays with heart and energy. He reminds me of long forgotten Rodney Buford who was a Net 2 years ago. I love when someone plays like they love the game and want to be there.
The highlight of the game was seeing Mark Cuban and letting him know that sticking it to the commish is his life's duty. I wish I had gotten a picture.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
The Stories of My Life: 8th Grade Edition
In 8th grade I was a huge, snotty pain in the ass. This is no surprise to anyone who has ever met an 8th grader. They are miserable people with body issues, hormones, self-esteem drama, the whole package. But, I was all those things and a smart aleck with a pathological need to be right. Some would say I still have that need. But, that's for another day, stories of my life 30 year old edition.
In 8th grade one day, someone opened our English teacher's windows to cool the room off. Our teacher liked to keep the room at a toasty 98 degrees. So our class period was broken in half with lunch in the middle. During this time someone snuck in the room and opened the windows. When we got back the room was chilly, our teacher's mood was chillier.
She was furious. She wanted to know who did it. She began asking the entire class. I sat in the last seat in the room. I was close to the door. When you get sent out a lot, that makes it much easier to be banished. By the time the teacher got to me everyone had denied it. We were all close to facing detention. Some of my more gentle friends (i.e. Eroica) were not cut out for detention. I knew this. I also knew that detention was not a big deal and I could and had done it with both hands tied behind my back.
So, it got to me. No one was brave enough to admit guilt. I said I did it.
A transcript of the conversation as follows.
Teacher: Did you open the windows?
Me: If I say yes, does that get everyone else off the hook?
Teacher: Yes.
Me: And, I only get one day of detention?
Teacher: Yes.
Me: Then I did it.
At this point, I was asked to leave the room. I took my copy of Sassy and headed out into the hall. I didn't hear what happened after I left.
Eroica paraphrased the event for me:
"So, um, she said, you know, that she knew you didn't do it. She said she was, you know, like, ashamed of us. She said you were brave and a better person than the rest of us. Um...yeah."
So, I never served that detention. But, I had to write 100 sentences about not lying. No one ended up punished and my reputation was enhanced. So, basically, it was a win/win situation.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
A Moment of Sielnce...
His movies were messy, indulgent, and many times amazing. He created his own adjective. Critcs use the term Altman-esque for any movie about losers or dreamers or any movie with a big cast.
No more from me as I am heading out for Thanksgiving. I just felt this needed to be posted.
LOS ANGELES -
SEARCHNews News Photos Images Web'
Robert Altman, the caustic and irreverent satirist behind "MASH," "Nashville" and "The Player" who made a career out of bucking Hollywood management and story conventions, died at a Los Angeles Hospital, his Sandcastle 5 Productions Company said Tuesday. He was 81.
The director died Monday night, Joshua Astrachan, a producer at Altman's Sandcastle 5 Productions in New York City, told The Associated Press.
The cause of death wasn't disclosed. A news release was expected later in the day, Astrachan said.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Amy's Movie Review A Palooza
So, it's time to get you Maltin on as I review some of the movies I've seen over the past month.
The Prestige (dir. Christopher Nolan)
What is the nature of magic? What is the truth behind any trick? Not to sound pretentious, but this is the overarching theme of this great movie. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman give great performances. The script is smarter than most audiences, but if you happen to enjoy magic (esp. the magic of Ricky Jay) then nothing in the movie is that big of a surprise. The movie follows the three parts of a magic trick in the narrative of the story. There are double and triple crosses. I personally was a huge fan of the dueling journals. The ending will divide people based on their like or dislike of characters. But, the movie is well made, well acted, and exceptionally smart for Hollywood. Check it out if it's still at your local theater.
The Last King of Scotland (dir. Kevin Macdonald)
Who likes an African dictator? I do! Idi Amin is probably one of the most notorious dictators in modern history. He killed almost 300,000 of his own people and was believed to have eaten many of them. This movie tells his and his country's story by using an Scotsman who becomes Amin's doctor. The movie does a very smart thing in that we only see Amin's true colors when he becomes disillusioned. We are side by side with the narrarator and we are duped as much as he is. Forest Whittaker is amazing as Amin and will surely get an Oscar nom. Be on the look out for an unrecognizable Gillian Anderson. She's the one who looks like if someone hit Virginia Madsen with a bus. Woof.
Little Children (dir. Todd Field)
An amazing movie that is paced deliberately (read: slow) with a story about suburban 30-somethings who are unsatisfied. Now on top of that throw in the story of a newly released flasher, and finally add the voice of a PBS narrarator. Sounds pretentious as hell, doesn't it? Well, it was. It was also an amazing film with some great acting. Look for Jackie Earle Haley of Bad News Bears and Breaking Away fame to get an Oscar nomination for his performance in this film as the flasher. He is dispicable and heartbreaking at the same time. this is not a movie for everyone, but if you want some good acting and a story that hits home, then check out this film.
Running with Scissors (dir. Ryan Murphy)
This review will be exceptionally short. If you like the book, this movie is a glossy version of what you read on the page. So, your enjoyment of the movie will be in proportion to your enjoyment of the movie. Done and done.
Borat (dir. Larry Charles)
Do you enjoy laughing at homohpobes, racists, foreigners, and other idiots? Do you like disturbing and disgusting male nudity? then, Borat is the movie for you. Sacha Baron Cohen creates a character that's on part Mahir and one part Moliere. He's a complete innocent with backwards ways and small-minded opinions. The way people try to help him or share their secret hateful thoughts with him can be a quesy experience. But, you will also laugh harder than you have at anything recently. There are several types of humor in the film and they all hit the mark. The mix of highbrow and lowbrow is not novel, but it's handled well. And, the fact that the film never lets up on the "joke" of the documentary aspect helps amazingly.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
A Nation Exhales...
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Whetting Your Palate...
This Thursday night I will be posting reviews of the following movies:
- Little Children
- Borat
- The Prestige
- The Last King of Scotland
- Running With Scissors
I know you're excited.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
A Short Hiatus...
I promise.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
One Door Closes...
So, I had my audition at the Strip last night. It went fine. I got laughs and I did a set that does me well at most places. But, it didn't serve me at the audition.
I didn't pass.
And, honestly, I felt like I wasn't going to when I started. Everything I personally think about my comedy, Starla verbalized. She said some of my humor was a little mean. That I got laughs but never a huge laugh. My humor is not "traditional" enough for the club.
She did say that she remembered me. That she liked that I took her advice about my mic usage. But, that maybe I wasn't a good fit for the Strip. C'est la vie!
But, while I was there. I did some amazing writing with Adrienne Iapalucci. We had an amazing session and came upon something amazing. I feel like it could go somewhere.
So, even though the set was not what I wanted. The things that happened later made being there worthwhile.
And, I got to talk comic books and the amazing new show "Heroes" with my buddy Sim. And, that was kinda great too.
Finally, a shout out of love to Robin Fox who always makes me feel great. And, I hope Andrienne and I made her feel a little better last night!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Stupid Rap Analogies to Discuss Friendship
I am the Rah Digga to his Busta Rhymes
I am theFergie to his Wil. I. Am.
I am the Beanie Siegal to his Jay-Z
I am the Goodie Mob to his Outkast
I am the Kenny Parker to his KRS-One
I am the Juelez Santana to his Cam'Ron
And, most importantly...
I am the Lil' Kim to his Biggie.
Monday, October 09, 2006
The Whitest Day of my Life
It was with this purpose I went to a Jamaican baby shower. And, it was with this one event that I was directly transported back to reality. I saw for myself just how white I am.
Let me set the scene: The invitation said 9pm. I had to go from Brooklyn to the Bronx. This required a train and a bus and a walk. Two-fare zone you know? So, there was a lot of time spent getting there. I got there at 10pm. I thought I was late.
Wrong!!!!
The party was half empty. The person having the baby wasn't there yet. I saw someone I knew and talked them. However, that was difficult as there was a DJ there playing reggae. The party began to fill up more and more and by 11:30pm food was served.
At midnight the party was in effect. The gifts began to be opened. This was when the DJ got into full effect. When a gift was opened that was especially nice, the DJ would get on the mic and shout, "Lighters!!!" (say with accent) and then on his DJ equipment play the sound of gunshots.
It was during this time that I realized that everyone has cultural differences. It doesn't make it wrong. But it sure did make me feel white.
Monday, October 02, 2006
If Only...
Friday, September 29, 2006
The Greatest Fight I Ever Saw
People talk about great fights. These fights are usually competitions of professionals. The setting is a formal ring. There is money to be made and money being spent. And, most importantly, there is a referee and judges. This creates a feeling of legitimacy.
But, the best fight I saw had none of this. In fact, the fight was over within 3 minutes. There were no judges, only the court of public opinion. The thing that made this fight so great, so transcendent, was its simplicity.
I will set the scene. It was a typical afternoon at Carlisle High School. I was staying a little late to decorate my locker. (Sidebar: Yes, I was that queer.) I finished and was sitting in our lunch/common area while I waited for my ride. While I waited two freshman girls, whose names are lost to the mists of time, started yelling at each other.
The yelling escalated to one face smack and then a hard hair pull. That was it. It was finished. I was a little saddened that it didn't go any farther. But, there was a surprise in store.
The girl who pulled the hair had been thinking ahead. Literally. When the face smacker stepped outside a wind whipped across the sidewalk. As the wind blew, a huge chunk of her hair flew off. It was significant. It was big enough that the entire lunch area gasped. Phrases like "holy shit" flew like the hair.
For this one image alone. It was the greatest fight I ever saw.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The View With Rosie (A Review)
First of all, I'm not afraid to admit it. I have watched The View for the entire 10 year run. It started when I was a junior in college. I would watch it when I had some time off, because no matter how far I try to run from it, I am a midwestern girl at heart. I love a good coffee klatch as much as the next girl. In fact, I love it more.
So, my small town sensibilities were happy to watch The View. I was amazed at the spot that was usually filled by a "young" girl. Somehow, they seemed more out of touch than the other hosts. I wanted desperately to work there. I loved when SNL skewered them. Tracy Morgan's "I'm a lawyer" became a hilrious joke to everyone I watched the show with.
But, the past few years were not as good. Star Jones turned into an alien. As she lost weight both her literal head and figurative head grew to epic proportions. She lost her humor and with Elizabeth Hasselback their, she let her intolerant Republican flag fly. Joy was obviously disgusted and with Meredith leaving, the show needed help.
Enter from the wings Rosie O'Donnell. No matter your opinion of Rosie as a person, she is a heck of a talk show host. She knows how to turn it on and off and she can keep things going. Personally, I think Rosie probably has a lot of anger and maybe is not the nicest person. But, she has added a new life and fun to The View.
Watching The View now, you see chemistry, humor, and real fun. It is so much better than it has been in years. I hope Rosie stays for a while and I hope the 5th player TBA will keep the chemistry alive.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Which Band Am I Talking About???
- This band toured when they were first popular and working within the paradigm of pop music. Once they began to explore studio space and lyrics, they essentially stopped touring all together.
- This band used film to cement their personas as "joker, lover, etc."
- This band put out a series of double albums that worked as solo sets and a group project.
- This band supported other artists and bands that they loved. However, none of these bands were ever even as close to fame as their benefactors.
- This band created music that stretched the boundary of their genre.
- This band faced years of break-up rumors before they actually broke up.
Who am I talking about?
I am actually talking about 2 bands. The first band is The Beatles anfd the other band is Outkast. These two groups have been in an almost parallel world. Both groups have had so many similarities that they appear to be the same. The only difference is pop vs. rap. So, for Outkast fans we have nowhere to go right now, except to wait for their break up and solo projects that will be good but will never have the power of their group work.
You have been warned.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Another Quiz in Lieu of an Actual Post
| You've Experienced 80% of Life |
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I'm Bored and Taking Quizzes...Watch Out!!!
Which Mean Girls Character Are you? (girlz)
Cady Herron
Your a math freak, your a dork.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
Which X-Men Character are you most like?
Bobby Drake
Sometimes you can feel neglected and left out, but don't let what others say get you down, do what's best for you. You have energy hidden deep within you, even though sometimes you don't feel it. Sometimes you must tap that inner strength in order to succeed.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
What soda are you???
Shirley temple
You're fun and sweet, and although you may be a little bit childish, you're one of the best people to be around.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
Friday, September 01, 2006
DUH?!?!?!
| Your Taste in Music: |
Thursday, August 31, 2006
I Continue to Be Fascinated by the Duggar Family
Have you ever seen this family? If you have, then you, like me have watched the approximately 5 specials that the Discovery Channel/ Discovery Health has shown about this family.
A little backstory for those of you who don't know. The Duggar family has 16 children. (The picture is from 2004 and missing 2 kids I think.) The family lives in Arkansas and basically since the age of 22 this woman has not stopped being pregnant.
So, why am I fascinated? Let me list the ways.
- The family is obviously religious (clothes, hair, location, 16 kids) but Discovery edits out almost anything that would even suggest they are religious. This is hilarious to me as the fact that most people can deduce they are religious by only looking at the surface.
- A woman who has been pregnant for almost 16 straight years is unfathomable to me. The pain, discomfort, and general hormonal changes mean that this woman has not had her period for almost 2 decades. Not a problem, but it doesn't seem normal. It also seems that you cannot ever feel normal. Just on a basic level, her vagina has to be blown out and able to use as a parachute.
- The amount of food, clothes, etc. that they buy is always staggering. And, again, Discovery is quick to keep out any information as to how they make a living. This makes a cynic like myself believe that they receive government subsidies. I think this would keep many people from finding the story heartwarming and so it is omitted.
- I'm a sucker for fundamentalist clothing. Prairie dresses, pleated khakis, long hair that is a pseudo mullet with odd feathering. (See photo above.)
I'm sure there are more things, but it all kind of becomes one big blur. I have seen all their shows and I watch them multiple times. I am fascinated and a little dumbfounded. I hope I grow tired of it. But, I probably won't.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I Hate to Say "I Told You So"
http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/28/ramsey.arrest/index.html
It's tough always being right.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
A Message to Brooklyn Courtesy The Onion
So why am I the only one doing anything about it?
I am always telling my other struggling artist, freelance graphic designer, and independent T-shirt-maker friends that this is the neighborhood to take it to. It's the next big thing. Sure, it's an hour from my day job and right next to a stinky canal and a power station, but that's the whole charm—it keeps the yuppies out.
It's frustrating, though. My friends insist they're happy where they are. But if they only saw the idealized neighborhood I see, where that rundown old health clinic is turned into a tattoo parlor, and that Last Supper mural is replaced with one featuring Radiohead or a stylized corporate octopus, they'd come around.
The problem is that the property owners here are clueless. They fill their yards with pavement and statues of the Virgin Mary, when all they have to do is clear that brush and we'd have a great beer garden or bocce court. They're spending all this money to renovate the old church, when it'd be put to better use split it up into condos. My landlord has no idea this apartment—hell, every apartment in this building—is undervalued. He could quadruple his profits by cutting my place in half. So I give him an extra 20 bucks a month hoping he gets the hint, but he just takes it out of the next month's rent.
Do any of these people appreciate what the neighborhood they're living in could be?
I'm trying to convince the owners of that taqueria on the corner to change their décor to incorporate some more of that funky Day Of The Dead motif I really like. But they insist on bland white walls. Ugh! I can barely pronounce the name, let alone enjoy its delicious, reasonably priced meals. Plus, you could take all the cool stuff from the five thrift stores and make one really great vintage shop. They'd make a fortune! And, you know, we would all have a fantastic view of downtown if only they'd tear down that dilapidated garage by the waterfront. Or, better yet, they could turn it into a restaurant with a roof deck. Can you say "brunch on the harbor"?
I can't be the only one who'd like to see a community garden and dog run around here, can I?
It sure would help attract people like me if there was a record store, too, and not the one with the giant Shakira cutout in the window. I mean a decent one. I went in to see if they had the new Fiery Furnaces, and they had never heard of it. They said they'd see if they could order it for me, but I declined. I mean, what's the point of supporting a local business if it's not cool?
It feels like I'm the only one trying to do any good around here.
When I first moved in, I loved the 50-cent coffees—it was like living in the '80s—but I wish they'd listen to me and start making lattes. I know I'd pay the extra three bucks, and I'm sure everyone else around here would, too.
I've tried being proactive. But none of the locals I've talked to about bringing in a co-op health-food grocery store have seemed excited at all. Nor have I gotten any of them to take part in my community open-house idea for hip young people to come see what this neighborhood is capable of. What did they do instead? They had a barbecue. With very loud music.
I mean, I don't want the people here to leave. I just want them to stay inside more. Especially if they're not going to do anything to bring this community to life. But they're always out on their stoops, just playing dominoes or talking. I like talking, but I do it inside, where it was meant to be done. It makes me uncomfortable to have people watching me all the time. Not that I think they'd do anything, but I just like to be a little more private.
Also, their dogs stay outside and bark all day. I like dogs just fine, but why can't their dogs be smaller and more nervous?
It's getting to the point where I feel like I'm tilting at windmills. But I can't give up—I know this neighborhood would benefit from the diversity of more people like me moving in. If you need a good place to live, come check out my 'hood. It's quirky, but it could use a few more creative types to get it jumping. But no developers—those guys just ruin it for the rest of us.
I Can't Believe I'm Writing This...
I am writing this with a sense of shame and sadness. Over a year ago, I decreed that the song "My Humps" was satanic. I used the term satanic because I had never heard a song so badly made with such dumb lyrics and amateur hour production. The song, needless to say, went all the way to number one. I still firmly believe that the hand of Satan made this possible.
So, why all the backstory? Because Fergie, the "female" singer of the Black Eyed Peas, has now come out with her solo joint. Besides the fact that her team was smart enough to name the album "The Dutchess" (wink, wink. get it?) they have created a song that is also even more influenced by Satan. The song is "London Bridge".
This song has an amazing beat. The lyrics are, shall we say, confusing and immature. There have been some bad euphemisms for sex. I'm looking at you Kelis and your milkshake, but we have come up for a new one that has officially blown my mind.
"Every time you come around/ my London, London Bridge wanna go down."
What?
I can't even begin to fathom what this is. But, I am pretty sure that whatever I think of could give me nightmares of the Lovercraft/Sutter Cane variety. Society might crumble because of this song. And, do you know why I feel this way? Because I love this song!
I can usually stay away from things like this. But, the beat is redrunkulous. And the lyrics are dumb, but easy to learn. It creates a song that never leaves your brain.
So, I apologize to all my fans and everyone who thought I had good taste. It's obvious I can be seduced to the dark side.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Get these motherf@$%ing snakes off my motherf@$%ing review!!!!
After seeing the movie you knew this interaction could never happen.
"I would like my money back I was completely dissatisfied. I saw a movie that was filled with plot holes, bad acting, and general stupidity. It was called Snakes on a Plane and it was not to the quality I expect."
When you see a movie like this you know what to expect.
I knew what to expect.
The thing that sells the movie is the fact that it knows what it is. It never tries to be anything more than a fun frightfest. It reminded me more of the kinds of things Roger Corman used to make in the 1970's. It was closer to Pirahna than Jaws.
Many times movies try to be more than they are. This movie knew it was a B movie with a plot open for fun and gross-outs. It delivered like Dominoes. Many of the deaths were scary and many had the audience saying "aaahhhhh". Fantastic.
There are a few surprises as to who lived although all the deaths were telegraphed. The British jerk is marked from his first scene. But it's worth it because the death he causes and his own death are great. You laugh and are disgusted at the same time. That's the mark of quality in exploitation. A great thing about the movie was the high percentage of "that guys" who filled the screen. There were jokes that were intentional and unintentional and they even used the old spring loaded cat device. Luckily the film went for an R rating so we got some boobies, a snake attached to a penis, and many gory snake attacks leaving bloated, bloody, and severely damaged victims.
The plot doesn't really matter. But, I will say that the writing, directing, and acting were all better than they needed to be. I was surprised they went out and got some real actors and even some of the lesser characters did some real acting. The plot has a few holes, but honestly, no more than movies that purport to have bigger budgets, stars, and quality.
The biggest thing I missed was seeing this at a seedy Times Square theater. The audience I saw it with however, screamed, laughed, and applauded. They had a good time. I had a good time. I only wish it was the 70's so I could have seen this film with Frogs, Sssss, or Death Race 2000.
Come check out these motherf@$%ing snakes on the motherf@$%ing plane.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Movie Quiz Madness
Good luck to all!
Here are three songs and the artists who perform them. Guess the movie.
- The Man in Me (Bob Dylan)
- Hotel California (Los Lobos)
- Her Eyes are a Blue Million Miles (Captain Beefheart)
hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
I hope to see plenty of guesses!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Rememberence of Therapy's Past
Now, on to the show. Adam, as always, was hilarious and a great host. He is a pro at it and I can't wait for his show at Caroline's. It should be awesome.
The weirdest thing about the show was everyone talking to each other like blind dates. "Hey I've seen your picture. Aren't you...I really like your blog." It was some wild, weird stuff. But, putting voices, personalities, and comedy to the names was amazing. There are many times I do not feel like a comic. Last night, I felt like a comic. I talked about jokes, rooms, the state of comedy. It was great.
Now, on to my set. I don't really brag that much about my sets. I don't talk about my shows because I am not comfortable with it. I also think that many times people are deluded about how well or badly they did. But, I just want to say that last night was one of the best sets I've ever had. The jokes hit and after the show many of my people, the gays, came up and gave me love. I got such a warm fuzzy. Also, Robin Fox gassed me up after my set so I was walking on air.
For anyone who has never seen me, I'll just quote Jeanne Noll. "I've only seen your picture. I never thought your comedy would be like that."
It was a great night. Laughs, tears, comedy. It was everything I look for in a show. And, I got to see some amazing comics. Here in NYC, we might all be struggling, but it is not for lack of talent. I was so proud.
But, enough about me. What do you think of me?
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Celebrity Sufferers of Exhaustion...Unite!!!!





You can now add yours truly to this list of heavyweights. I just got back from a medical appointment. I am officially suffering from exhaustion related to my lyme disease.
To wit:
For the past week I have had a lot of pain on my right side. For those of you who do not remember all of your Amy lore, at age fifteen I had shingles and they were on my right side. Now, a little medical information. Shingles is the provence of the extreme aged, unless your name is Amy Patrick.
So, I was a little nervous. I decided to get a check up. My doctor ran a battery of tests, asked questions, and did some more tests. Thankfully, I do not have palsy!!!! That is common with lyme sufferers. I have had lyme for almost six years and this is the first big flair up with it.
I have been ordered to spend the next week taking it easy, taking medicine, and continue with my diet and exercise. So, along with my other celebrity brethren, I am officially suffering from exhaustion.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The Movie Quiz Strikes Again!!!!!
What movie featured these three songs:
- I'm Your Boogie Man- KC and the Sunshine Band
- Hang on Sloopy- The McCoy's
- Dream Weaver- Gary Wright
Also, if you have this Sunday free, come see me at Therapy (http://www.therapy-nyc.com/).
Monday, July 31, 2006
It's true!!!!
Your Personality Is |
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. |
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
Stealing the Subersive.....
> your own visited states map or check'>http://douweosinga.com/projects/googlehacks">check out these Google Hacks.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Name that Movie III: This Time it's Personal
I went super hard just to throw Cary Grant Guy off. Good luck everyone.
Question:
Name the two films that use the song "He Needs Me" written by Harry Nilsson as sung by Shelly Duvall.
Good luck!
Friday, July 07, 2006
Albums that Changed my Life

1. Album that made me start listening to Oxford University's radio station
Violent Femmes/Violent Femmes
I know, that for me, hearing songs like "Add it Up", "Gone Baby Gone", and "Blister in the Sun" transport me back to 8th grade. This was the first album I bought that was truly alternative. The music was a little off. The singer had a nasal voice and almost atonal style. It wasn't like any rock music I had heard. It was almost a complete opposite of the music of Van Halen, Motley Crew, etc. The songs were about taboo topics like masturbation. This album is still an influence. Don't believe me? Get the new Gnarls Barkley CD, they cover "Gone Baby Gone".

2. Album that got me interested in classic soul music
Bell Biv Devoe/Poison
Listening to this CD now can be a little embarrassing. New Jack Swing, as a style, has dated badly. It sounds older and more alien than music from the 70's. But, this CD was always in my player. The songs were dirty and had a great beat. It was one of the first things I ever bought that was straight up R&B singing. Nowadays, I listen to classic soul like The Staples, Al Greene, et. al., and I love the modern divas like Mary J. and Mariah. A lot of my love of this music comes from the research I did after hearing Bell Biv Devoe, now you know.

3. Album that turned my onto Hip-Hop
Public Enemy/Fear of a Black Planet
I listened to rap for a long time. Mainly I listened to it to dance to it or bob my head. I never really listened to the lyrics. That all changed my freshman year. I was watching "Yo! MTV Raps!" and something very different came on. There was a rally, with a very angry dude, and soldiers, and a wacko in a big clock. You all know what it was. It was "Fight the Power". I had never heard anything like that. The music was layered. There were at least three levels to the sound. The lyrics weren't party time. They were revolution time. I become addicted. I bought all their CD's. I started to find other artists like them. I started to really understand hip-hop.

4. Album that Changed my opinion of Madonna and dance music
Madonna/Like a Prayer
So, I always enjoyed Madonna's music. It was fun, danceable, cute. But, this album changed my mind about her as an artist. This album was almost completely written by her. There were songs that discussed her life, duets with artists I admired, and "Like a Prayer" which is one of the best pop songs ever made. To me, the album was a huge step for her. After that, the level of her artistry was higher than before that album. She became more of an artist rather than a star. And, "Act of Contrition" is almost as scary as The Beatle's "Revolution #9".

5. Album that made me realize I will never truly rock out
Metallica/ The Black Album
Every person who likes metal always uses the same defenses. "Those guys have classical music style, listen to the progressions." "The lyrics are more personal and lyrical." "The content expresses the rage of the listener" Blah, blah, blah. To me, it has always sounded like noise. It's too much crunching and sound and yelling. If I wanted a bearded dude to yell at me, I would piss my dad off. I have realized over the years that music like AC/DC, The Who, and Led Zeppelin are probably as hard as it gets for me. And, to all fans let me throw some fire on the flame. Just playing loud and fast doesn't make you deeper or more talented.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Worst. Dream. Ever.
I take my shirt off. And my bra. I am totally topless. My boobs are just out for the world to see. And I continue to do crowd work. While this is happening it's like I split. I am not scared about being topless. I am more upset about bombing. But I am also watching myself from above in horror. I can't believe I am doing this. I feel like I am doing everything I can. But, I'm not. I do my last desperate act.I take off my pants. I am now on stage completely naked.
As I stand there nude I am given the light. I pick up my clothes and leave the stage. I go and stand around naked. I talk to Josh and Sim and they both ask me what happened. Never mind the elephant in the room, the conversation is straight comedy. They can't believe how bad I did. They bring up the crowd work. All I can do is cry and say, "I wasn't ready. I thought I got a practice set."
So, I think we all know where this story ends. I do not get passed. Starla basically asks me if I am mentally ill. I am banned from the Strip. However, she tells me to get more practice.
I leave and that's when I woke up.
I can only hope Oct. 13th goes better than my dream.
Name that Movie (A New Game)
I think this one might be tougher than last time. Enjoy!!!
- Compared to What (Roberta Flack)
- Machine Gun (The Commodores)
- Living Thing (ELO)
If noone guesses after a while. I will give you one more song. And, then I will reveal the answer.
Monday, July 03, 2006
On 8 Years in NYC
I GUESS THE LORD MUST BE IN NEW YORK CITY
By Harry Nilsson
I’ll say goodbye to all my sorrow
And by tomorrow I’ll be on my way
I guess the-Lord must be in New York City
I’m so tired of gettin’ nowhere
Seein’ my prayers goin’ unanswered
I guess the-Lord must be in New York City
Well here I am Lord knocking on your back door
Ain’t it wonderful to be where I’ve always wanted to be
For the first time I’ll breathe free here in New York City.
Say goodbye to all my sorrow
And by tomorrow I’ll be on my way
I guess the-Lord must be in New York City
So tired of gettin’ nowhere
And seein’ my prayers goin’ unanswered
I guess the-Lord must be in New York City
Well here I am Lord knocking on your back door
Ain’t it wonderful to be where I’ve always wanted to be
For the first time I’ll breathe free here in New York City.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
I Come to Bury Star Jones, Not to Praise Her
We will never see the Rosie smackdown. It's a shame. But really, Star should have been more gracious. Watch Gawker's clip. She burned one of the biggest bridges in the business. Good luck with that. I feel bad for Star because she has not seemed happy since she got skinny. And, her marriage to Al has been ragged on by everyone. The best quote has to be from Kathy Griffin. "Al is so gay, when he walks by all you hear is snapping." But, she never made herself seem like a real person. Her over the top self-love made her unbearable.
I am really only sad that the Rosie smackdown will not occur. Shameful. I cry a single Indian litter tear for this chain of events.
Name that Movie (A New Game)
I know that most people use this page to suck time. So, I thought I would do my part.
Here it is...
Which movie featured these three songs?
Jump into the Fire (Nilsson)
Remember (Walkin' in the Sand) (Shangri-Las)
Sunshine of Your Love (Cream)
If noone gets it in a few guesses, I'll add a final song that might give it away.
Good luck!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
I'm On You Tube!!!!
CHECK ME OUT!!!!!
A Few Small Shout Outs!!!!
- I hope everyone in NYC had a great Pride weekend. In this crazy time where the older generation is trying to make things the way they want, we all have to fight for our GLTB brothers and sisters. Celebrate diversity always.
- I got the job at Manhattan Charter School. I will be the program director of the After-School Program and I will also be working one day a week on their library. Wish me luck!
- Happy Birthday to Kristy and Eroica. Good luck and God bless
- And finally, congratulations of graduation to my girl Kaela. I am so proud of her. Words can never say how much I have wished for this day. Life has so much to offer and this is only the first step.
So, that's all for now. Check back soon. Reviews, music opinions, and some other surprises are coming your way.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Amy's Movie Reviews
X3: The Last Stand (dir. Bret Ratner)
So, I am a big X-Men fan. I loved the first two movies and the 90's cartoon show was appointment viewing for me in college. Don't ask. But, this last movie was highly dissapointing. The action scenes were great and I thought my favorite character, Beast, was handled well. The rest of the movie, however, was highly lacking. When you see a movie like this with my hubby a huge comic book fan you start to hate it even more. He knew everything and what they did wrong with them. So, not good times. As usual, Halle Berry was the weak link. I have said this from the beginning, Iman is perfect. For God's sake she's African, beautiful, tall, and regal. Last time I checked, Storm was all those things. The main point of the XMen is the idea of being gay, Jewish, or minority. Bryan Singer, as a gay man, brought a feeling to the films that was vital. Bret ratner has never really been an outsider, therefore, he is not really the right fit for the XMen. Oh well, I await Superman and Spider-Man 3.
The Break-Up (dir. Peyton Reed)
Everyone knows I am not a huge Jennifer Aniston fan. I find that she seems really rigid and not comfortable with herself. Nicole Kidman has this problem as well. But, Nicole gave about ten amazing performances and I had to reconsider. Aniston has not really done that yet. I think she might be a good actor, I just haven't seen it yet. So, it is with all that in kind that I tell you how much I liked this movie. The story has been told many times, however, it takes a very non-commercial way to get there. It is surprising how little it feels like this movie was made by committee. It has a strong voice that doesn't cheat. It's funny and sad and will hit a lot of people close to home. I am really happy how well the movie has done. I think it will surprise a lot of people with the risks it takes. Give it a chance, I did and was greatly rewarded.
A Prairie Home Companion (dir. Robert Altman)
So, you all knew I would see this movie opening weekend. Robert Altman is my favorite director. Bad Altman is still better than say, really good Michael Bay. The movie is typical Altman so I enjoyed it. The acting is solid, the songs are god, blah blah blah. You've heard it all before. If you like Altman or Grrison Keillor see the movie. Everyone else should stay away. The "Bad Jokes" number steals the show and Kevin Kline gives the best performance.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
My Sentiments Exactly!
Last night some words were had on a slow-moving G train from Greenpoint. The first set of words came from an older Hispanic gentleman. He was celebrating Puerto Rican pride with a friend, by yelling in drunken Spanish and smoking a cigarette on the train.
The second set of words were delivered by a young, white woman who was the very picture of North Williamsburg gentrification—H&M army jacket, fixed-gear bicycle, and a scruffy sense of political activism and civic pride that someday will calcify into exacting self-righteousness played out with a series of handmade signs around her apartment building, bearing messages like "THIS TREE NEEDS WATER, NOT DOG PEE" and "PLEASE STOP YOUR VAL-PAK TERRORISM NOW!!" Having no apparent Puerto Rican pride of her own, she was admonishing/lecturing the older gentleman on his special day.
"You're smoking on the train. Do. Not. Smoke. On. The. Train." Her words were clipped, like she was assembling sentences with something called SEVERELY DISAPPROVING MAGNETIC POETRY. As she lectured the old man, he waved her off and took turns dragging from his cigarette and chuckling in Spanish. ("Chuckling in Spanish" is also a very dirty sex act that involves a large meal, some nitrous oxide and a diaper attached to a slingshot.) While he chuckled and smoked, she continued.
"Stop. Smoking. Now."
"gigglerelleno."
"Seriously. Stop. It's. Illegal. You. Are. Making. All. Of. Us. Sick. With. Your. Smoking. Can. You. Understand. Me?"
"glurb..."
"Stop. It. Stop. It. Stop."
"Heheheheperdidafumarexcellentegrrrmmphhh."
Finally, she resorted to the quintessential square-and-angry-and-struggling-to-relate-to-inner-city-types plea: "That's not cool, man. That's NOT COOL." Whenever I hear those words—and I've even said them myself, after exchanging a lot of angry dialogue with 10 year-old black kid who had hurled a rock at my girlfriend as she rode by on her bicycle—I get a horrible feeling in my skin, like all the Caucasian is racing up to the surface. Spike Lee perfectly captured this particular kind of inter-racial discomfort in Do the Right Thing, when John Savage (in his Celtics jersey – get it?) had some loud words with a group of black teenagers after accidentally scuffing one of their brand-new Air Jordans. ("Them shits is broke!")
In the battle of Puerto Rican Pride vs. Civic Pride, it was a dead heat. The more the young woman scolded the old man, the more drunk and cigarette-crazy he seemed to get. Finally, the conductor popped his head out and explained that cops were on their way. (The young girl took this as a win for her team, and warned the old man that now the cops were coming and he was going to have to pay $100 for smoking and no one could go anywhere because we were all stopped thanks to him and I hope you're happy. He was, by all accounts, happy.) Moments later, three uniformed officers entered the train and ordered the old man and his pal to vacate the train. While this was happening, the young girl and her friends were helpfully pointing out where the old man had hastily discarded his cigarette.
Perhaps their Puerto Rican pride was radiating too strongly, because the old men refused to exit the train. (Or didn't understand the request.) A minor scuffle broke out and, finally, two of the officers lifted the drunks out of their seats, their old arms waggling, grabbing at the air, and roughly escorted them off the train with a hearty shove. The train doors closed, and we all proceeded in silence.
Though I was sorry to see the old men go, it was kind of interesting to see how the situation was handled. Sometimes I forget that police officers can just grab people and shove them out of a train, and that's just called "protecting and serving." If anyone else had done that (and many of us were surely thinking about it) it would have been considered short-tempered, and possibly a little insane/dangerous. But the police intervention seemed pretty reasonable.
Honestly, whether they were wearing police badges or Batman costumes, the uniform really does justify certain types of behavior. I only wish one of the officers had turned on the young girl, pushed a finger into her collarbone, and said, "And you: calm the fuck down. Your lack of Puerto Rican pride disgusts me! NOT COOL." because that was the other thing I really wanted to do but was too afraid it would make me look crazy.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Gamma Rays Comedy

So, to elevate my career, I have begun producing an amazing show in Brooklyn. Here are all the gory details.
Every Thursday @ 8pm
Gamma Rays Comedy
Bar Reis 375 5th Ave. (b'twn 5th and 6th St.) Park Slope, Brooklyn
$5 Cover Charge with no drink minimums and maximums.
This week come see Robin Fox, Omar Beer, Dan Shaki, Josh Homer, Raquel D'Apice, Simeon Goodson, and Michelle Buteau. Hosted by Gamma Rays and Mr. Plow's own Amy Patrick.
Check us out!
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Being Amy Patrick
So, I decided to write to keep everyone up with by bi-yearly bout of bronchitis. I have been sick for about three days and today it hit the jackpot. The weather change, my asthma, and my husband being sick all lead to a perfect storm of illness. Huzzah!
But, today, although I am feeling better, I look worse. I went to the gym to sweat out toxins, yes I believe that shit, and it worked. It worked too well. It broke my fever. After the gym I went to my DJ spinning class at Scratch. I was sweating like Whitney Houston for the entire class. It was beautiful. I was coughing, sweating, and sniffing. I might have slightly looked like a drug addict.
So, I'm back home with a fan on my face so I can sweat in piece. I might go to a movie later. Hopefully, the AC in theater will be blasting so noone will notice that I was just at Clive Davis's farewell party singing with my husband, the king of R&B.
For you Chris Rock fans that can translate to rocks and blunts or ribs and bar-b-que.
I have a ton of shows booked next week, so please pray to whatever higher power you believe in for my recovery. Every little bit helps!
"Crack is wack". Words to live by.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Amy's Movie Reviews
Art School Confidential (dir. Terry Zwigoff)- They had me at "from the director of Bad Santa". If you haven't seen Bad Santa do yourself a favor and check this one out. It's a hateful little gem of black comedy. Zwigoff is a director that follows his own path. He has directed documentaries and also heartfelt drama, but with this film and Bad Santa, it's obvious that his heart is with black comedy. There isn't really a plot here, but Zwigoff and writer Daniel Clowes have a huge bone to pick with art school and the people who go there. The film makes it known that talent is there, but will be destroyed by the staff and other students. The teachers are seen as failures, with the exception of Angelica Huston's art history professor who it is made clear isn't a painter trying to cash a paycheck. There was a lot of humor, but it was aimed directly at the people who were watching the film. If you are not offended and want to laugh while choking down some bile then you should enjoy it.
Mission Impossible III (dir. JJ Abrams)- So, when I saw the trailer for this movie I wanted to see it, but I was conflicted. The conflict is in the fat that I love JJ Abrams' work on Felicity and Lost, but I hate Tom Cruise. So, I wasn't sure if I wanted to see it. However, my love of Abrams and many of the other actors won me over. And, what can I say. It was great. It was definitely the best of the bunch. That might be damning it with faint praise, but that's not what I mean. This film follows the TV much closer and has a lot of life and some great sequences. The acting is good, it is well directed, and the main bad guy is a Republican!!!! That's an Amy Patrick special. Don't let Tom Cruisazzy keep you from seeing this film. It is actually really good.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
My TV Exploded!!!!
It's true. Your #1TV fan had her hubby's fancy flat screen pop and shut off. Right in the middle of The People's Court no less.
I turned it off and have been doing nutty things like cleaning, reading, and actually blogging since then. It's amazing what happens when you stop looking at a screen.
So, I am hopefully going to find out about the job I went to 2 interviews for. All of you out there, pray to your higher power for me. I really want this job.
If I don't get it, I already talked to a manager at West Elm. So, retail might be back in my future. I'm going to hit the bricks next week when I find out what is going on with my dream job.
And, lastly, my comedy career is finally hitting the mid-level. I am producing, along with my buddies Josh and Sim, a comedy show in Brooklyn. June 15th is the first night. $5 gets you some really great comedy. Come check us out. I need to feel like I have some kind of career!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Found this and Had to Post it.
WHY THERE AREN'TMANY RIGHT-WINGOBSERVATIONALCOMEDIANS.
BY TEDDY WAYNE
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You ever see a roomful of old white guys trying to dance? They're bumping along out of rhythm to some corny '50s song in their tuxedos, like three feet away from their wives, and you're just like, "Yes—that's exactly what respectable nightlife socializing should be."
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I'm in the supermarket checkout the other day, and this woman is taking forever to pay—with her checkbook, of course. So I lean over and say, "Hey, lady, you know what we're all thinking when you pay by check? That you're not reaping any potential benefits from a cash-back or frequent-flyer credit card." I mean, how stupid can you be not to know that most major cards give triple miles for supermarket or drugstore purchases? Am I right, people?
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My wife complains like it's her job. About out-of-control government spending and affirmative action. And I totally agree with her. She's a spokeswoman for Rick Santorum.
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The other day, on a flight, I open up my package of peanuts, and there are five peanuts inside. I ask the flight attendant if there's a mistake, and she says it's a cost-cutting procedure to help save the airline from bankruptcy. I go, "Oh, yeah? You want an idea for another 'cost-cutting procedure'? How 'bout taking a stand against the pilots' union and raising the retirement age to 65 from the current 60 so the 401(k)s aren't depleted and the average middle-to-upper-class passenger doesn't foot the bill?" Boo-ya!
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I once had this real tight-ass boss who constantly yelled at all his employees for slacking off. For our Christmas bonuses, he gave us tube socks. Tube socks. And, by saving money, he was able to hire new, better employees the next year, fire us, and improve profit margins. That man knew how to run a fiscally responsible company.
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The other night my wife and I are watching Hannity & Colmes, and she goes, "I'm cold—let's turn up the heat." So I say, "Just put on a sweater." And she gives me this look that's like, No missionary sex in the marital interest of procreation for you! And I'm thinking, "Man, if only the pansy liberals let the military flex a little more muscle in the Middle East and force an effective European coalition, we might be able to dissolve the OPEC terrorists, gain some leverage over oil prices, and avert domestic crises like this." The fellas know what I mean!
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You guys seen Brokeback Mountain? I actually thought it could've been a good movie. If one of the guys were a woman. And they were married. And practicing Christians. And they didn't outsource the directing to Taiwan.
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Where are you folks from? Paris? Really? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Ha ha, just kidding, madame. But get out of my face. Seriously. You make me sick.
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