My Trip to Amsterdam

I just came back from the very interesting city Amsterdam. Because blogging is the art of talking about yourself believing that others want to read it, I will share the details of my trip. I won't really recount everything I just want to share some general impressions.

It's a beautiful and intersting city. It's smaller and very different architectually than most European cities. I found it a refreshing change of pace from places like Madrid or Paris. It has a cozier, smaller feel.

Although everyone focuses on the drugs and prostitutes, it's a city with a lot more. We enjoyed some really good food and great sights. The Van Gough museum is filled with beauty and some of the most stunning art on record. The Anne Frank House is powerful. Being in the house itself was powerful. I, along with many others, spent most of the time crying. It ends up moving you in ways you cannot imagine.

The Red Light District is not so shocking, for me it was a little sad. Many of the prostitutes looked young and from Russia and Eastern Europe. Every man walking the street looked guilty. Not as funny as I hoped it would be.

In contrast, the hash bars are a great time. Good atmosphere, calm music, and just a good time. You could have a conversation without yelling. My husband Joe summed it up best. "I would love to just hang out in a hash bar. It's better than a drinking bar. You can hear people." Truer words have not been spoken.

We did do the tourist thing and went to a cheese factory and a wooden shoe demonstration. Good times. I love being a tourist sometimes.

I would recommend Amsterdam. But, I would say do the "bigger" cities first. They awe you. Amsterdam feels cozy, more like being in Brooklyn as opposed to Manhattan.

Stories of My Life: Riding the Bus Edition

Many people I meet in NY, look down on the bus. The bus is seen as what you ride when you live far away from the subway and need it to connect to something. Many times I use it for that. However, I also use the bus because I love to look at the city. Many times I'll ride the bus just to look at the sights.

Now, if you are looking for a quick mode of transportation the bus is not it. For those not in the know, you can walk faster than taking the crosstown bus. But, other routes move faster and take some great streets and small nooks and crannies.

All of this is leading to my story. Be patient dear reader.

So, I enjoy going to DUMBO in Brooklyn. To get there from my house, the most fun way is to take the B25 bus. I went to DUMBO one day to shop at West Elm and get some Jaques Torres chocolate. I picked up the bus and headed home. The way home goes through the Fulton Mall. The Fulton Mall was immortalized in "Fortress of Solitude". It's known for its abundance of grill (mouth not BBQ) stores, sneaker shops, and many Duane Reade stores. To say it's a little ghetto is to say Teri Woods writes books with bad grammar.

After my little shopping excursion, I took the bus back to my house. The bus was at the end of the mall and on its way to the rest of the BK. The bus was waiting at a red light. As it waited, across the street two men were fighting. Everyone on the bus was looking because the fight was very loud and intense.

Suddenly the two men got very close. It appeared that the one man smacked the other. It took a second, but soon everyone saw that it was not a slap. The man had slashed the other man across the face. As the slashee moved and placed his hand on his face. The blood sprayed through and covered the street. The slasher ran as fast as he could. Now everyone on the bus said a collective,"Damn." It was frightening. All of this was taking place at 3pm on a Wednesday. As the man seemed to be in shock another man came up and started to escort him in the direction of the Brooklyn Hospital.

The light turned and the bus moved on. There was nervouse chatter and awkward pauses. Noone on the bus knew how to react. They also were left with the world's largest cliffhanger.

Who knows?

I like to think the guy got to the hospital, got stitches, then found the bitch ass that did it and got some revenge. But, I am also filled with hate.

Justin Timberlake @ MSG: A Review

Last night, while the world was watching Lost. I was at Madison Square Garden watching Justin "JT" Timberlake at his FutureSex/LoveSounds tour. I am going to break down the 3 and a half hour four part show. It was amazing. And, seeing such a huge act (sold out the Garden) do so many avant garde things, I have a little hope for the future of music.

OPENING ACT: P!NK
As Pink has made better music, her popularity has placed her on the margins. Her last 2 albums tanked in comparison to her breakout "Missundastood" with the hits "Get this Party Started" and "Family Portrait". But, as the opening act, playing to between 50-80% of the crowd at any given time, she got the crowd pumped and showed her talent as a musician. Her singing voice was strong and she utilized the full open circle stage. Her 40 minute set featured her biggest hits, a few songs that were not known but filled with energy and style. By the end of her set, which finished with "Get this Party Started" and had the crowd eating out of the palm of her hand.

Small Break before opening act...

PART I
Timberlake came out to his "FutreSex/LoveSounds" open. Large see-through scrims covered the stage. All of them projected visuals and then superimposed the stage action on top of them. The effect, which worked great, was used during the whole show. Part one focused on many dance songs, with a few small breaks for ballads. He sat down with his guitar and played several slow songs. He ended the first act with an assist by Timbaland. By this part, he had the crowd loving every move.
The show was different for many reasons. Timberlake, for many times during the show, was under the scrim and let his band and dancers take up the full stage. He also played guitar, drums, and piano during this time and the use of a live band added depth to many of the songs. Timberlake grew up during Michael Jackson and Prince. His stage style, songs, and performance are an intriguing mix of both.

INTERMISSION
Timberlake went off the towel off, change clothes, etc. Timbaland went to the middle of the stage. He surrounded himself in scrims. He began beat mixing, noodling on the 808, and sharing samples. All of the beats were choreographed to the movie scenes being displayed on the scrims. This whole segment was the DJ equivalent of Deadhead guitar noodling. Oddly fascinating. Also, it shows the trust Timberlake has in his audience that they would sit for this. The crowd did more than sit, they were riveted.

PART II
More of the same with Part One. Timberlake again mixed up the middle with a light ballad set. But, the highlight was the last 10 minutes. Timberlake fused "Cry me a River" and "SexyBack" into one epic moment. The staging, dancing, and scrim work was amazing. Timberlake had every person out of their seats, dancing, screaming, and just losing themselves. During "SexyBack" both Timberlake and Timbaland had to dodge panties. That just about sums up the night.

ENCORE
"Dick in a Box" with Andy Samberg and in full character. Enough said.

The Amy Awards Part I: The Top 10 List

As we head into the new year and get ready for Oscars I am posting my 10 Favorite Movies (and 5 runners-up) for the year 2006. Part II will be posted later this week with many special awards given out. Now, on with our show!

1. Children of Men
2. Idiocracy
3. The Departed
4. The Devil Wears Prada
5. The Fountain
6. Stranger than Fiction
7. Dreamgirls
8. The Prestige
9. The Last King of Scotland
10. (tie) Half Nelson/ CSA: The Confederate States of America

Runners-Up: Brick, Little Miss Sunshine, A Prairie Home Companion, Jet Li's Fearless, and A Scanner Darkly.

Get ready for round 2. I fully expect lots of comments on my amazing list!

My Senior Year of High School

So, I always end up doing these dumb things, but this one was a little different so I thought I would share. Unfortunately, I am terribly boring, so this is proably going to be deadly dull. Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be.

Who was your best friend(s)? Steve Trimble, Shawn Ruble, Dale Edwards, Stephanie Smith, not many others, I am a loner by nature.

What kind of car did you drive? Didn't drive, had many traumatic incidents with the driving test.

It's Friday night, where were you? At a football game performing with color guard and then heading out for food and hanging out.

Were you a partier? No, but I found out later people thought I was a slut.

Were you considered a flirt? No, boys (not men) are intimidated by humor and brains.

Ever skip school? All the time. I usually tallied about 20 days out a year.

Were you a nerd? Yes and I still am.

Did you get suspended/expelled? No, but many detentions and other drama.

Can you sing the fight song? Yeah

Who was your favorite teacher? Ms. Stevens, people thought she was tough, I thought she was one of our more cultured teachers. I will also include Senora Catron on this list.

Favorite class? English and Advanced PE

What was your school's full name? Carlisle High School

School mascot? Indians (Sambo was already taken)

Did you go to Senior Prom? Yes. Got dumped by my 1st date but Ruble pulled through for me.

If you could go back and do it over, would you? I wouldn't go back. My life has been really great after it.

What do you remember most about graduation? The feeling of relief and my itchiness to move to NYC.

Favorite memories of your Senior Year? Hanging out with people, debating politics with Steve Trimble and Kevin Ritchie, Academic team and Teen Counseling sleepover, both of which changed my life.

Where were you on senior skip day? Who knows, many days were senior skip day!

Did you have a job your senior year? Yes. I worked for a catering company on the weekends and then also did babysitting. That summer I worked midnights at Meijers.

Where did you go most often for lunch? The cafeteria, sitting with my nerdy AP friends and usually reading a magazine. Hollaback Sassy!

What did you do after graduation? Went to college, got married in Las Vegas, moved to NYC. The rest is history.

When did you graduate? 1994

Are you going to your 10 year reunion? I did. I was hoping the women would have been fatter. But the guys aged in dog years. I might do the 20, just to see what's up.

What school did you're school hate most? Franklin

Who will repost this after you? Who knows?

Coming Soon...

The 7th Annual Amy Awards will be posted next weekend.

A nation holds its breath...

The Similarities Between Drag and Hip Hop

This is probably going to end up being my most esoteric and academic posting, but screw it. I think this is interesting.

So, last night my husband and I were talking about drag shows. We agreed that everyone should see a few in there life. They are entertaining first and foremost. They are the American equivalent to Kabuki. And, mainly, they just make you laugh.

Now, on a deeper level, drag does many things. There are also many types of drag. I'll delve into all of this. But, first a small antecdote. I have been a fan of drag for a long time. Personally, I have almost always enjoyed camp, satire, and ironic commentary. An appreciation of these things is essential to enjoying drag. In Dayton, Ohio there was a club I went to very often called "Celebrity". This was one of 2 gay clubs in the city. Celebrity had some great drag shows. Most of the drag fell into the lip-synch a diva's song category. You would watch and laugh and generally participate in the shenanigans. Seeing many shows there for such a long time gave me an appreciation for good drag and a keen eye in spotting bad drag.

So, there are several types of drag. They include; good drag, bad drag on purpose, scene drag, music drag, and gender illusion. Let me explain. Good drag is over the top femininity with glamorous gowns. Bad drag on purpose is looking messy or "real" for comedic effect (i.e. Divine, Kiki and Herb), scene drag is the lip-synching or acting out of classic scenes featuring over the top women (i.e. Mommie Dearest), music drag works the same way as scene drag (i.e. Cher, Judy, Liza, et. al.), and gender illusion is the most confusing, it is typically standard drag for the purpose of contests and pageants.

Now, I said something at the top where I said drag and hip-hop have similarities. The main similarity they have is that unlike many other forms of creativity, they do not live in a vacuum. They constantly comment on the society they live in. Hip-hop many times uses the music video genre to comment on films, TV, and other pop culture detrius. Drag does the same thing.

There is a term in literary criticism called "informing the text". This is when outside influences, history, or just time change how we look at the piece of work. Drag does this constantly. Any song or scene that is acted out, is changed by the drag performance. Many times it illuminates unseen comedy, pathos, or subtext not seen in the original piece.

I encourage anyone who has never seen a drag show to check one out. It's worth the price and is a definite artistic experience. Leave your preconceptions at the door.

Random Thoughts...

So, lately I've had a lot on my mind. Much like the insane Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock, I wanted to write down a few musings.
Off topic: If you are not watching 30 Rock, you are missing out. It's the funniest show on TV right now.

Back to your regularly scheduled blog...
Here are some things I've been thinking about for the past month. I'm sure I'll seem crazy, but who cares.

• Are the parents in "The Parent Trap" the best parents in the world or the worst parents in the world for what they did by splitting up their twin daughters?
• Is "Dreamgirls" the gayest movie ever made? (Seeing this in a theater seemingly holding the entire cast of Noah's Arc may have clouded my view about that.)
• Why are the NJ Nets so bad this year? They should be first in their division. They have some great new rookies and bench guys. Hopefully, Lawrence Frank will be fired by the All-Star break. More on this topic to come.
• I still miss Chappelle's Show
• Being told you are too edgy for Showtime at the Apollo and too mean for the Comic Strip can put you in a small depression about your comedy career.
• Being asked "what are you good for" can put you in a small depression about your day job.
• Hopefully this weather, seemingly a bell weather for the Apocalypse, can get me out of ever having to be succesful.
• And finally, I saw an amazing retro Soul Train episode today. If you live in NYC it's on every Sat. at noon on the CW11. Today's highlight was Al Green performing. He was still arm bandaged from hisd hot grits drama. Riveting TV.

So, that's about it for now. I made several New Year's resolutions and one of them was to write more, perform more, and become more well-rounded. Hopefully, this is the start of some real creativity.

Coming Soon

To say things have been crazy is an understatement.

New blogs, the Amy Awards, etc.

They are coming your way.

Happy Holidays

So, it's been a busy time for the Plow. School, work, Nets games, Aimee Mann holiday shows, supporting friends in their creative ventures, etc. Much like my good friends at 3 6 Mafia said, "It's hard out there for a pimp." And for a Plow, truer words have never been spoken.

Movies reviews, Nets reports, and the Aimee Mann holiday show review will be posted this weekend.

Everyone out there, have a happy holiday season and be ready for whatever 2007 brings.
Mazel Tov!

NJ Nets Report...

11/28/06 Nets Vs. Bobcats
So, I went to my 1st game of the season. I was actually excited to see the Bobcats. They are a young team who has made some smart decisions on draft day. Hopefully, in a few years they will actually be contenders. Sean May, Raymond Felton, and Adam Morrison all delivered. I'm not completely sold on Emeka Okafor. He is fould prone and already moves like Patrick Ewing cira 1994. So, his knees may be a problem. However, they played well together and beat the Nets. The Nets played spotty, made poor shot selection, and basically played like a team that had no chemistry. I'm a little worried for their chances.

12/5/06 Nets Vs. Mavericks
I was obviously worried for good reason. The fact that they were only down by 15 and I was surprised tells you how bad the Nets stunk up the place. They again, made horrible shot selection. Why do you have both of your seven-footers shooting 15-30 foot jumpers? Penetration should be what the Nets do. But, there were 2 bright spots. Make that three bright spots. Both UConn rookies Marcus Williams and Eddie House play like they want to win and bring real energy. However, they make a lot of rookie mistakes. My new favorite heart player is Mikki Moore. He is an 8 year vet who plays with heart and energy. He reminds me of long forgotten Rodney Buford who was a Net 2 years ago. I love when someone plays like they love the game and want to be there.
The highlight of the game was seeing Mark Cuban and letting him know that sticking it to the commish is his life's duty. I wish I had gotten a picture.

The Stories of My Life: 8th Grade Edition

During my holiday trip home, I got to see two of my closest and oldest friends. During the visit, I started thinking about all the ridiculous stories of my life and how they could entertain my readers. So, I thought today I would start from a gem from 8th grade.

In 8th grade I was a huge, snotty pain in the ass. This is no surprise to anyone who has ever met an 8th grader. They are miserable people with body issues, hormones, self-esteem drama, the whole package. But, I was all those things and a smart aleck with a pathological need to be right. Some would say I still have that need. But, that's for another day, stories of my life 30 year old edition.

In 8th grade one day, someone opened our English teacher's windows to cool the room off. Our teacher liked to keep the room at a toasty 98 degrees. So our class period was broken in half with lunch in the middle. During this time someone snuck in the room and opened the windows. When we got back the room was chilly, our teacher's mood was chillier.

She was furious. She wanted to know who did it. She began asking the entire class. I sat in the last seat in the room. I was close to the door. When you get sent out a lot, that makes it much easier to be banished. By the time the teacher got to me everyone had denied it. We were all close to facing detention. Some of my more gentle friends (i.e. Eroica) were not cut out for detention. I knew this. I also knew that detention was not a big deal and I could and had done it with both hands tied behind my back.

So, it got to me. No one was brave enough to admit guilt. I said I did it.

A transcript of the conversation as follows.
Teacher: Did you open the windows?
Me: If I say yes, does that get everyone else off the hook?
Teacher: Yes.
Me: And, I only get one day of detention?
Teacher: Yes.
Me: Then I did it.

At this point, I was asked to leave the room. I took my copy of Sassy and headed out into the hall. I didn't hear what happened after I left.

Eroica paraphrased the event for me:
"So, um, she said, you know, that she knew you didn't do it. She said she was, you know, like, ashamed of us. She said you were brave and a better person than the rest of us. Um...yeah."

So, I never served that detention. But, I had to write 100 sentences about not lying. No one ended up punished and my reputation was enhanced. So, basically, it was a win/win situation.

A Moment of Sielnce...

My favorite director, Robert Altman died today at 81. Watch one of his movies. He will be missed.
His movies were messy, indulgent, and many times amazing. He created his own adjective. Critcs use the term Altman-esque for any movie about losers or dreamers or any movie with a big cast.
No more from me as I am heading out for Thanksgiving. I just felt this needed to be posted.

LOS ANGELES -
SEARCHNews News Photos Images Web'
Robert Altman, the caustic and irreverent satirist behind "MASH," "Nashville" and "The Player" who made a career out of bucking Hollywood management and story conventions, died at a Los Angeles Hospital, his Sandcastle 5 Productions Company said Tuesday. He was 81.
The director died Monday night, Joshua Astrachan, a producer at Altman's Sandcastle 5 Productions in New York City, told The Associated Press.
The cause of death wasn't disclosed. A news release was expected later in the day, Astrachan said.

Amy's Movie Review A Palooza

Hi everybody! (Hi, Dr. Nick)
So, it's time to get you Maltin on as I review some of the movies I've seen over the past month.

The Prestige (dir. Christopher Nolan)
What is the nature of magic? What is the truth behind any trick? Not to sound pretentious, but this is the overarching theme of this great movie. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman give great performances. The script is smarter than most audiences, but if you happen to enjoy magic (esp. the magic of Ricky Jay) then nothing in the movie is that big of a surprise. The movie follows the three parts of a magic trick in the narrative of the story. There are double and triple crosses. I personally was a huge fan of the dueling journals. The ending will divide people based on their like or dislike of characters. But, the movie is well made, well acted, and exceptionally smart for Hollywood. Check it out if it's still at your local theater.

The Last King of Scotland (dir. Kevin Macdonald)
Who likes an African dictator? I do! Idi Amin is probably one of the most notorious dictators in modern history. He killed almost 300,000 of his own people and was believed to have eaten many of them. This movie tells his and his country's story by using an Scotsman who becomes Amin's doctor. The movie does a very smart thing in that we only see Amin's true colors when he becomes disillusioned. We are side by side with the narrarator and we are duped as much as he is. Forest Whittaker is amazing as Amin and will surely get an Oscar nom. Be on the look out for an unrecognizable Gillian Anderson. She's the one who looks like if someone hit Virginia Madsen with a bus. Woof.


Little Children (dir. Todd Field)
An amazing movie that is paced deliberately (read: slow) with a story about suburban 30-somethings who are unsatisfied. Now on top of that throw in the story of a newly released flasher, and finally add the voice of a PBS narrarator. Sounds pretentious as hell, doesn't it? Well, it was. It was also an amazing film with some great acting. Look for Jackie Earle Haley of Bad News Bears and Breaking Away fame to get an Oscar nomination for his performance in this film as the flasher. He is dispicable and heartbreaking at the same time. this is not a movie for everyone, but if you want some good acting and a story that hits home, then check out this film.

Running with Scissors (dir. Ryan Murphy)
This review will be exceptionally short. If you like the book, this movie is a glossy version of what you read on the page. So, your enjoyment of the movie will be in proportion to your enjoyment of the movie. Done and done.

Borat (dir. Larry Charles)
Do you enjoy laughing at homohpobes, racists, foreigners, and other idiots? Do you like disturbing and disgusting male nudity? then, Borat is the movie for you. Sacha Baron Cohen creates a character that's on part Mahir and one part Moliere. He's a complete innocent with backwards ways and small-minded opinions. The way people try to help him or share their secret hateful thoughts with him can be a quesy experience. But, you will also laugh harder than you have at anything recently. There are several types of humor in the film and they all hit the mark. The mix of highbrow and lowbrow is not novel, but it's handled well. And, the fact that the film never lets up on the "joke" of the documentary aspect helps amazingly.

A Nation Exhales...

To the delight of many and the sadness of few, Britney Spears filed for divorce from K-Fed (aka Kevin Federline).

She cited “irreconcilable differences”. Those differences mainly were paycheck related.

Oh well, good luck inseminating someone as rich and famous as Britney Spears again.

Whetting Your Palate...

Just an FYI-

This Thursday night I will be posting reviews of the following movies:

• Little Children
• Borat
• The Prestige
• The Last King of Scotland
• Running With Scissors

I know you're excited.

A Short Hiatus...

This site will be back with more fun, more writing, and more awesomeness very soon.
I promise.

One Door Closes...

and another door opens.

So, I had my audition at the Strip last night. It went fine. I got laughs and I did a set that does me well at most places. But, it didn't serve me at the audition.

I didn't pass.

And, honestly, I felt like I wasn't going to when I started. Everything I personally think about my comedy, Starla verbalized. She said some of my humor was a little mean. That I got laughs but never a huge laugh. My humor is not "traditional" enough for the club.

She did say that she remembered me. That she liked that I took her advice about my mic usage. But, that maybe I wasn't a good fit for the Strip. C'est la vie!

But, while I was there. I did some amazing writing with Adrienne Iapalucci. We had an amazing session and came upon something amazing. I feel like it could go somewhere.

So, even though the set was not what I wanted. The things that happened later made being there worthwhile.

And, I got to talk comic books and the amazing new show "Heroes" with my buddy Sim. And, that was kinda great too.

Finally, a shout out of love to Robin Fox who always makes me feel great. And, I hope Andrienne and I made her feel a little better last night!

Stupid Rap Analogies to Discuss Friendship

Everyone knows Josh Homer, he is considered the asshole of the Soapbox. But, to me he is just my friend and benefactor. I could have done comedic, literature, or film analogies. I decided to use rap.

I am the Rah Digga to his Busta Rhymes

I am theFergie to his Wil. I. Am.

I am the Beanie Siegal to his Jay-Z

I am the Goodie Mob to his Outkast

I am the Kenny Parker to his KRS-One

I am the Juelez Santana to his Cam'Ron

And, most importantly...
I am the Lil' Kim to his Biggie.

The Whitest Day of my Life

So, I spend lots of time trying to be a "cool" white person. I try to make strides, go places, and do things that help my people become a little less corny. I get very tired of the whole, "white people walk like this…" thing that is prevelent in comedy.

It was with this purpose I went to a Jamaican baby shower. And, it was with this one event that I was directly transported back to reality. I saw for myself just how white I am.

Let me set the scene: The invitation said 9pm. I had to go from Brooklyn to the Bronx. This required a train and a bus and a walk. Two-fare zone you know? So, there was a lot of time spent getting there. I got there at 10pm. I thought I was late.

Wrong!!!!

The party was half empty. The person having the baby wasn't there yet. I saw someone I knew and talked them. However, that was difficult as there was a DJ there playing reggae. The party began to fill up more and more and by 11:30pm food was served.

At midnight the party was in effect. The gifts began to be opened. This was when the DJ got into full effect. When a gift was opened that was especially nice, the DJ would get on the mic and shout, "Lighters!!!" (say with accent) and then on his DJ equipment play the sound of gunshots.

It was during this time that I realized that everyone has cultural differences. It doesn't make it wrong. But it sure did make me feel white.